huayshan and marianne

Last.

2011-06-06T13:59:00.001+08:00

Just me.

shiary.wordpress.com

huayshan

new year!!

2011-06-04T00:02:00.002+08:00

Sorry bloggy, mama's been abandoning you!!

Been back in Malaysia awhile, been nice playing with my mother.

So I've got my timetable for next year and can I just say, mighty exciting times await me! I'm probs gonna get super jaded(picked that up in TTSH, the medical officer was like... oh I'm super jaded, he's super jaded etc etc.) but for now I'm pretty eager to start school, and am pleased that I'm eager to start school cause it means I love what I'm doing and that's awesome! I sound like Pollyanna now. Ngeh.

I'm starting of on 13th June with a 5 week Oncology posting, sounds potentially fun:)) and I'm currently starting to send billions of emails around, all with the intention of snagging an elective in emergency medicine in Australia next year! Also majorly excited about that and hopeful that I'll get a spot. (: Been trying to write my CV though and it's making me depressed, I've done nothing with my life!! :((((

Can I talk about shopping for a bit? Yesss..... I bought a black blazer from GG5 and it's really nice and I've got another wardrobe staple! I was thinking...... I could wear it with a white tank top and those Aladdin pants, couldn't I?? NAISE.

Enough updates for now? Yes. Okay time to eat purple dragon fruit, I've been constipated and the fruit makes me regular. HEH!!

shanniieee

feeling empty inside :S

2011-05-27T16:31:00.003+08:00

I love listening to the psychiatrists talk cause what they say makes sense and actually sounds feasible- One thing that really hit me today was this:

Someone mentioned that sometimes taking anxiety away from chronically anxious patients isn't the answer cause if you take something away you leave a vacuum behind and that makes them feel vulnerable- and that completely explains how i feel sometimes- when I have something to worry about i feel worried yes but i feel okay, but when i have nothing to worry about i feel uneasy, like something's wrong or not right. ugh. dont like it. i feel a little empty now. ugh.

huayshan

about 3 in 1.

2011-05-16T22:51:00.003+08:00

Been in sunny singapore for 2 days and it's been nice!

Started my attachment today and everyone was really nice to me and i really enjoyed my first day- felt a bit wishy-washy though and i'm extremely tired but i'll try my best to read up and be an active learner heh. i would go into greater detail but i'm really knackered and i've to get up early to go to the temple tomorrow. zzz

Anyways.. more pictures. From Amsterdam, Stratford-upon-Avon and my dinner with chongerie ( finally tried the multicoloured xiao long baos that i've been seeing on everybody's blog/facebook pictures!!)
Penis fountain in the sex museum haha
pretty tree in the flower gardens in Amsterdam!
Not in order, but this is the outside the sex museum haha it was reallly interesting!
My new pink shades that I got for myself as a souvenir in Amsterdam heh. This is in Stratford though. Shakespeare's house was way cool, did you know he knocked a girl called Anne Hathaway up at 18 and had a shotgun marriage, HAHA?? had kids too! twins and two more if i'm not mistaken.
Okay this is at the restaurant in Ion with the colourful xiao long baos. My hair looks decent here. Phew. It's growing.. I'm not too repulsed by myself anymore heh. But i still miss my long locks!!
YAY! i liked the cheesy, garlic and original one :)) don't like the foie gras one. YUCK.
Outside Shakespeare's house though you can't see it very well :(
Rowing, I was the best out of the 3 of us ha! learnt something from kayak after all. it's not as simple as it looks cause you have to coordinate both sides and the paddle keeps unhooking itself, it's hard to explain but it's really not easy. super tiring too!!
Last picture at Stratford, just by the nice grassy patches where people kinda chill. Was a good day. Okay. I'm really sleepyyyy.

Bye deborah :(

huay shan

about how i wish i still looked like this :'(

2011-05-11T07:01:00.003+08:00

cycling along jordaan
Awesomely pretty tulips in the tulip garden!
Outside the Anne Frank House
Playing around in the tulip garden :) I love this picture!!
more gorgeous flowers

more pictures (more exciting ones.. eg. sex museum, pigeon that shat on me..) to come when I get the rest of the pictures!! (:

huayshan

about home!

2011-05-10T07:20:00.005+08:00

*edit* shits im seriously butt ugly now. im embarrased to be seen in public. my mother says this is the best time to get someone to fall in love with me, cause if he does he loves me for who i am and not for the way i look -_-''' i am THAT grotesque looking sighhh :(( it's long hair after this. back to wavy locks!!!

I'm severely jet lagged. I used to think jet lag was a myth, tired=sleep in my opinion but uh, i'm wrong. i was crazily knackered yesterday cause i couldn't sleep on my flight(massive turbulence, the plane kept dipping and shaking from side to side, drinks spilled, my croissant did a little dance, but i wasn't scared at all i actually enjoy the occasional turbulent plane ride-but this was too much, i was starving and my food kept bouncing around! the person beside me looked at me funny which ticked me off so i was like um i beg your pardon but i'm really hungry!!!) anyway, so yesterday i konked out at 1am cause my parents insisted on driving around haha, and got up at 12noon, NICE. went for a run and ummm puked after cause it's soooo humid here, i couldn't breathe after either!!! i'm okay now. haha!

Got up at 6am today. Grrrrrrrrr. HATE jet lag!

I love bumbling around my kitchen looking for the yummies.. just put a ba zhang in the rice cooker to steam. slightly concerned cause it's a bit blue but i think that's just the way it's meant to look.

Moving on to a couple more things that have been of significance since my departure to Birmingham:

5. Meeting Erica

Got to know her better in 2nd year- and she's kinda like a milder, nicer, prettier and more demure version of me- she's the one i come home and tell everything to, she knows all my dirty little secrets and all the crazy thoughts that go on in my head haha. it's nice having that someone to come home to and that you know will listen to you if you're upset.

6. Learning to cook

I really like cooking- and i personally think i'm awesome but tastes differ so.... haha but anyways it makes ME happy and that's really all that matters isn't it? I know now that spending a couple of hours grocery shopping + cooking can put my sorrows at bay and yes, it's nice having something to turn to when erica isn't at home. ha!

7. Cutting my hair short

Okay guys. I cut my hair again yesterday cause my dad said I look homeless and how dare I when he put a roof over my head- okay I exaggerate but my mom decided to drag me to her hairstylist and omg my hair is really awful now. Like I'm depressed cause next week at the hospital placement everyone is going to think I'm lesbian. Nice. *hair will grow, hair will grow...*

But besides that, I'm glad I took the plunge and got it out of my system!!

That's it for now..... I've been having a pretty nice time at home with a couple of things I'm not too pleased about- will elaborate on that another time. But i reckon it's just me finding something to worry about cause I get anxious when life goes too smoothly. eh. that's me.

huay shan

about YAYNESS!!

2011-05-07T07:06:00.004+08:00

Yah, in case you haven't heard (my facebook wall is peppered with happiness over passing exams)... I've passed 3rd year and am officially a 4th year!! ngeeeee so happy! I was really anxious, it got to the point where I carried a toilet roll around with me so that everytime I had thoughts of failing I would touch it(touch wood you see).

I didn't do that great though I'm kinda average but at the lower end- which is bad cause I was doing reasonably well last year. But it's kinda my fault, I got complacent and slacked off this year. I'll work harder next year, that's a promise to myself!

Now that exams are done with there's SO much to look forward to!

1. Attachment in Singapore!!! (:

2. Seeing Deborah, Vanessa, Wan Yun, Petrina, Corrine, Mariannes, Lina (and plenty more)! Been talking to these guys even way before my results were out, not daring to make finalised plans but now it's all good:)

3. Long chats with mommy updating her about my life.

4. SHOPPING. mommy insists on buying me a new "smaller" laptop despite the fact that bambi is in the pink of health, and a new camera! :)) And I think she topped my bank account in Sg up!! whee!!!

5. Driving around and hanging around with my Malaysian friends. I've got 3 of them HAHA and I kinda really miss them, we still get on pretty well:)

I kinda mucked up today though.. I had a final presentation to do and I turned up in jeans and a collared top (feeling pleased with myself for putting in the effort), expecting only 1 examiner and found myself looking at 4 examiners and a room filled with people in formal attire. Ya brilliant right?? Keep getting myself into situations I swear. But as always, the key to a good presentation(in my very valid opinion) is confidence. I didn't know what I was talking about but I did plenty of hand gestures and maintained eye contact and I think I scraped through. Oh, also I never NEVER fluff/lie when people ask me questions about my presentations. If I don't know I'll be like.. uh I don't know, *sheepish grin*. I think it's better lor!!

I've actually gotta pack.. got distracted. haha aw i really am quite happy.. :)) I'm gonna spend next week chilling and reading up on stuff so I don't look stupid on the attachment. And I'm going to plan my elective!! Omg ok I'll write it here so I don't forget. Elective elective. And email Tslepsis. Okay.

OH OH and I went for my first kung fu lesson today!!! super fun! defo going regularly next term :))

alrights. goodnight, packing time!!

huay shan

Being weed tolerant.

2011-04-28T05:49:00.003+08:00

Amsterdam was really really fun!! I went cycling around the city, nearly got run over a million times, had hash brownies every night cause it WOULDNT FLIPPIN work on me- and watched one of my friends get stoned which made me laugh so hard i almost peed myself- i went to the Anne Frank House, which was the best thing ever, it was the best museum I've ever been to, i'll explain why in my proper amsterdam post, which i will write up once my friends get back from paris(they all went on to paris but i came back first) cause they have the pictures, i lost my camera in copenhagen remember? :( and i went to the HAHA sex museum which also made me laugh like mad, and we went to the flower garden where there were tulips like.. everywhere. i think i enjoyed the cycling the most actually, today we went on a ferry to a village in amsterdam and cycled around the countryside for ages and it just made me feel really happy (:

tired. nightoes!

huay shan

Me- Part 1

2011-04-23T08:28:00.011+08:00

It's 1.30am and I'm kinda wide awake for some reason- which isn't normal, I had horrible sleeping habits post A'levels due to my obsession with Lost (slept from 6am-4pm for 2 weeks until I finished Season 1 haha) but for the past few years I've been a fall-asleep-at-midnight kinda girl- I think I'm slightly more awake now cause I drank Dr Pepper just now, I love Dr Pepper! It DOES NOT taste like cough syrup okay it is delicious!!! So...thought I'ld just kinda do some thinking aloud here. I've kinda used this place as a ranting ground for ages but maybe it's time I kinda stepped back from my (occasionally) angsty self and write about my life from a more reflective perspective.

Since it's 1ish am, 1=13 if you think in terms of 24 hours, so I'll talk about the THIRTEEN most significant things that have happened to me since I came to Birmingham.

1) Meeting Jima
She's intercalating now and she's not in the same house so I don't see her as much but despite all that there are few things that I enjoy more than having her in my living room for hours with a pizza, cushions and a guitar. She is the Diana Barry to my Anne Shirley (in case you didnt know, my favourite books of all times are Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea/Windy Willows etc and Little Women) and it's so hard for me to find solid proper friends here that it really hits me when I find someone that really gets me.

2)Failing a paper in 1st year
At the time I was crushed and mildly suicidal but it was a good lesson and I honestly consider it one of my greatest achievements, getting through that. It wasn't just the whole studying for the exam thing, it was my ability to remain mentally strong and determined that I'm proudest of. Doesn't mean I wouldn't mind failing this year though *knocks on wood*-I actually literally just knocked on my dresser.

3)Getting to know Liz better
It took me awhile to get to know her better and to (haha I always use this quote) : 'give my heart away' but I trust her completely now and I think she's been an extremely sincere friend to me and for some unfathomable reason seems to love me despite my many shortcomings and annoying habits. I just think that if I hadn't come to England we wouldn't have gotten closer and I would have missed out on a pretty epic friendship. =)

4)Getting a Blackberry (aka Marcus)

I kinda grew out of the whole wanting-to-get-the-most-hightech-phone phase when I was 16, but Marcus has seriously changed my life. It's amazing being able to email, fb msg, bbm and whatsapp people regularly. I've kept in touch with Stella on BBM, I've got all my favourite people on whatsapp(if i whatsapp you then you're one of them) and I can email my mommy whenever i like. Best part is of course my free minutes- I love being able to use my skype credit to call my mommy everyday (:

I've got 9 more things to talk about but I'm knackered so I'll carry on in my next post- meanwhile here are some pictures that I took with my laptop camera- they're a bit blurry but I went shopping and I really want to show people what I bought!! :))

Shoes for 22.50 pounds. Took me awhile to decide whether I should get them or not- but I decided to cause they're not your typical gladiator sandals, I love the rose petals and they're slightly heeled but they look flat so it looks as if my legs are uber thin in flats. NICE.

Walked into Miss Selfridge and happened to chance upon the accessories sale rack!! 4 hairpins, 2 rings and 1 headband for 6pounds-- PLUS a 10% student discount so it came up to.. 5.40 pounds? I dont normally wear rings but I thought I'ld start. with simple ones. the head band is gold and its got the words love welded on its side. i like!

Tada! I'm going to Amsterdam tomorrow, and I saw this in F21 a couple of weeks ago and thought it was cute but thought I didnt need it *Smacks self*. When I saw it then, it was in a gorgeous see-through bag with red hearts all over it, but when I went back today it was in this ugly black bag zz. but the stuff inside is still awesome! it's got a mini funnel, a couple of scoop spoons and everything! All for 5 pounds :)

I know it looks like I'm trying to imply that I am beautiful, I APOLOGISE, that was not my intention AT ALL!!!!! i just wanted to show you what the bag looked like, I completely forgot that it had the word BEAUTY emblazoned on its front. haha!

Lastly.. a top I found in F21 for 3.99 pounds. It actually looks pretty nice, and the colour is a really nice dusty pale blue. (:

That's all for now, I'll update after coming back from Amsterdam on Weds. I wanna go to Anne Frank's museum!!! and see the annex!! Okays. Take care love you guys!

huay shan

about food?

2011-04-22T05:53:00.006+08:00

Not to be obsessive or anything, but I think this place may be my food diary for a bit- for the past week, everytime I go on skype the first thing my mom(and bro who is home for a bit) says is OMG SO FAT YOUR FACE!!

it started off being funny but now it's really starting to get to me. I don't think I'm upset per se, i think what REALLY bugs me is the fact that being called fat is a blow to my ego- i've always lived under the assumption that when people look at me they see a skinny twig but I think over the years I've become an average sized person- which isn't bad, no! but I'm the kind of person that needs some leeway with everything- I can't start an essay one day before the deadline and I can't start studying a new chapter one day before the exam, I need to finish things a few days in advance or i'll feel extremely paranoid and insecure. I also can't have anything planned on the day of important events like prom or medball- I need to know that I have time to re-curl my hair or remove my makeup if I mess either up. So let's go back my little ones, if we apply this mentality of mine to the whole weight situation, it all comes down to me liking to know that I have room to expand into- I like knowing that I can afford to put on a couple of pounds, it's comforting you know?

I've definitely been making more of an effort lately- I eat slowly, I don't eat two dinners and I've been exercising everyday- I've had a few 1 hour slow jogs which were quite nice and easy but I tried doing kinda like a sprint-jog-sprint-jog regime yesterday and I almost died 10 mins after, it's flippin' difficult!!! Maybe I should do that more often, I don't think you really burn calories when it's too easy. But i like my long easy runs!!

I apologise in advance for being a proper annoying skinny b**** but it's just the way I feel and it's really all about me feeling good about myself- I feel a lot better after working out a bit more and putting a halt to my previously monstrous eating habits. Looking back ah... I was a bit mad ah!! I remember eating to impress- like I'ld be full but continue stuffing my face so people will be impressed by my eating capacity hahaha. Also, I think it helped that I was in sports teams cause I was forced to work out. Ah..... I think that's probably why I'm pudging up now... no sports. That makes sense. I'll join the kung fu club next term.

Also... been developing another new hobby- looking at recipes!!!! makes me really happy. I'm trying carrot cake tomorrow, and a tortilla lasagne, they both look amazing (:

(in case anyone is interested, I made beef stew yesterday and have been having it with boiled egg noodles, super delish! I put beef, garlic, onions, carrots, potatoes and a tin of tomatoes in it and it was surprisingly tasty yayyy(: )

bye!!

huay shan

about hommeee soooon!

2011-04-19T00:57:00.003+08:00

as the days go by, i get more anxious about results cause im looking forward to going home SO much, it'll kill me if i have to stay behind for a retake :(

I've developed a new hobby haha making my own shirts! i bought a plain white shirt and tried to personalise it for a friend's birthday gift and it looks pretty good actually, i sewed on three pear buttons and i put a small round black cloth behind each button, it makes it look better! and i sewed on a peter pan collar in black, ME LIKEY!!!!! took ages cutting it out and sewing it on properly but it was good fun! wanna make sth for myself next :)

And... i've got relatively fun stuff planned for the next week- amsterdam! yes i've been there before but this time i'm going with more people and i want to go to anne frank's house!! missed it when i was there the last time. hopefully they'll wanna go too :)

also, i've kinda manage to get myself into a random attachment to the psychological medicine department in TTSH for when i get back to singapore, and i'm a bit anxious cause it took me 3 months of filling up and sending forms back and forth to get the place and now im worried if i get a resit ill have to cancel the whole attachment and then they will kill me and blacklist me :( also, i dont know what to expect cause ive not done psych yet oh dearie. *slaps forehead*

annnnd. i have been running longer distances when i run in an effort to shed the fatties!! i did 8km yesterday and it felt lovely (: will go again tomorrow :) ALSO, im gonna watch source code tmr wheeeeee!

huay shan

about my panic attack

2011-04-13T00:05:00.003+08:00

okay so far am doing okay......

It's getting sunnier here so it's nice to go for runs and I ran for a full 50 mins today it was nice and sunny and I enjoyed it. Also been having soup and noodles(if anyone watches xiaxue's guide to life, i tried the recipe for the abc soup that she cooked for valentine's day- turned out to be a mild disaster cause she said to put a LIBERAL amount of soy sauce and i took that literally so it became soy sauce soup but i poured some out and added water, so it's all yummilicious now!) and i've stopped eating multiple cupcakes, only one sweet thing a day for me :D

Thing is i have half a tub of ben and jerry's in my freezer. what do i do with it?!! a spoonful a day??

haha and I heard back from med school and i didn't get an offer for psych medicine, which i'm not too upset about because it makes my decision a whole lot easier, BUTT it got me mega worried that they rejected me because i messed my 3rd year exams up, but after speaking in a high pitched hysterical voice to many people i've come to the conclusion that it's probably due to my (very lousy) application form. I've emailed them anyhow. Just to check. Ya i'm one of those annoying people who emails everybody heh.

I'm also ultra worried abt having to do resits this year- i've only got a 5 week break and i've made plans that i realllllly don't wanna cancel- so please pray for me cause i will be CRUSHED if i have to have any resits :(

why is it im always in this situation UGHHH

huay shan

about........ facing my demons.

2011-04-11T06:15:00.002+08:00

sigh. i've been dreading this ALL MY LIFE.
I've been able to get away with it for the past 22 years- and truth be told I think this is a punishment- because I didn't really appreciate what I had.
It took me a long time to admit this. I kept procrastinating,kept thinking that it was alright, that it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

When I felt like I was stifled, I felt like things were so tight I couldn't breathe.. I waved my arms, and had some chocolate cake. It's okay, it's just one of those days, I said to myself.

But now it's time to face the truth. Certain things don't lie, and I need to go back to the way I was. People are going to say I am crazy and people are going to judge me- and I myself will probably struggle with it.. but I will work hard to do it nevertheless.

Oh and what is this problem you ask..?

It all started........ with........

A weighing scale.

thanks for being supportive(in advance) but weighing scales don't lie. I'm ashamed to admit this here and people might beat me but I don't care. I used to be 51kg heavy and I was pretty happy with that and I am now... 55kg(pre-poop) pr 54kg(post poop).

I know I'm still relatively slim but i don't feel good about myself, so let me do this, and support and help me! DO YOU WANT ME TO BE UNHAPPY?? DO YOU??

I should have realised that I had to avoid tight fitting clothes for a reason earlier, sigh...

okay my plan:

1) Run everyday
2) No eating after 8pm ( exceptions: fruits, sweet corn)
3) Lots of soupy, stew-like food
4) Yummy food(curry, italian) twice a week
5) Snack on fruits(bananas and melon, only fruits i like) and sweet corn and toast

Seeee it's not unhealthy I'm not being anorexic I'm just being healthier. seriously the way I eat now is not very pleasant.

Okay. Will go back to 51kg and be sexy again!!!!!!!!!!

huay shan

about !!!!!!

2011-04-01T19:16:00.004+08:00

Okay I'm calmer now. My exam went okay today still got 2 more but today went alright i think so whew! It was a hospital based exam and I think i did crap in two stations but it's okay.I need to rant, it may be quite incoherent but just bear with me!
At one station I saw like flexed fingers and I don't know why but trigger finger popped into my head immediately cause I was just reading about rheumatoid arthritis yesterday so I kinda assumed it was that but turns out it was dupuytren's contracture :( I thought i messed it up but apparently the two are quite similar looking so it was a reasonable mistake to make. i hope.

I was also praying I wouldn't get anything to do with external genitalia cause im just generally uncomfortable with it and yes i've not attained that level of maturity yet haha but one of my stations was a dude with a hernia in his groin but i kept my cool and yeah it wasn't THAT bad.

At the rest I got decent stuff, and I heard and diagnosed a murmur accurately, FIRST TIME haha but i was a bit thrown off because the patient had half his nose removed? I was like...?

arghhh one hour break then back to the library.

Another thing.. everyone's like intercalating next year....... and I'm not sure if I should. I havent told anyone here but I secretly applied to do a degree in psychological medicine/international health but....

1) I did it for fun, thinking i wouldn't do it if i got in anyway so my application form is CRAP so probs won't get it

2) Even if i did get it, i'm not sure if it'ld be the right choice.. Should i have picked a clinical science one instead..? DECISIONS!!!

I guess i'll just see what i get and go from there. Probs 70% chance of not getting a place.

Argh my life!!! so complicated!!

huay shan

about ANGRYY

2011-03-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

Does the whole world make you angry sometimes?

YA im pissed off to the max now. I have anger issues I think. I'm pissed with a lot of my friends here and omg I feel like I've made such CRAP friends here, I only truly truly truly like a few. I feel like strangling the rest now, people just get SO SO selfish, maybe it's just a Medicine or English thing, or maybe it's both so I get the worst of the worst, but I'm so sick of everyone being SELFISH SELFISH wah, gonna get chest pain again. I swear I'm gonna be hypertensive in my old age. I'll probably also eventually get a heart attack because of prolonged hypertension thickening my arteries. NYAHH!!!

study. UGH.

huay shan

about HELLOOO

2011-03-25T07:33:00.002+08:00

HII anyone still out there?? haha

Oficially finished my placement at Hereford- i felt really sad about leaving- i loved my placement and i have no regrets about applying to be there- and again...... yet AGAIN im gonna miss some of the people there. Do you wanna hear about them? I have nothing else to talk about anyway. Why not. haha i sure hope none of them see this, i doubt they ever will so in order of my favourite people:

1) Shaan- I liked him from the minute we started talking on the train, we get on well, he is amazingly clever but is very nice and modest about it and he makes me laugh. I will miss knocking on his door and sending him stupid messages on whatsapp.

2) Fatima- My favourite girlie there, she's just as much of a bimbo as i am and we get along verrrrry well. only got to know her better later but i think i'll prob see lots of her even though we're no longer in Hereford. It's just easier with girls cause it's a bit weird with guys isn't it? i will miss gossiping with her in my room and harrassing nikesh with her.

3) Nikesh- My new favourite person. used to hang out with him with shaan and fatima but didnt spend much time alone with him but we were the only two in hereford on saturday so we went on the wards together and went out for lunch in town after and he is such a nice guy, funny and such a mummy's boy and cute too heh. I will miss hearing him yell HOI at me whenever he sees me haha.

4) Laura- Heard horrible things about her before i came but all lies, all rumours, she's the loveliest person ever and i absolutely adore her. She's amazingly unselfish and helpful when it comes to work and i really enjoyed partnering her and hunting down patients to examine. Last monday we went on a "murmur hunt"and we just went to all the ward flipping through all the notes looking for murmurs it was HILARIOUS. i will miss seeing her waggle her tendon hammer in my face and nudging her during teaching sessions.

I HATE MISSING PEOPLE! I HATE CHANGE!!!

on another note- one thing that has been bugging me- i had a lecture on electives and one of the things they seemed to be emphasising on was that it was very important that we choose to do something we're interested in.. and it got me thinking abt whether i wanted to be in sg because i was interested in it or cause i think it's what's best for me- and truth is i really wanna do something in an underdeveloped country, it's just one of those things i wanna do before i get too old/die. but i know my parents wont be too pleased and it really saddened me for a bit but.... i think if i come up with a decent proposal and choose a relatively safe country(Africa is way out of question i will go there someday when im older, PROMISE!) it should be fine. i've decided that i want to do my elective on Obstetrics and Gynaecology :))

and ive got exams over the next 2 weeks. okay bye!!

huayshan

about my exam, SAD FACE.

2011-03-18T21:29:00.002+08:00

i didn't really feel like it went excellent, i knew i had gotten a couple of questions wrong the minute i stepped outside and it really frustrated me cause i worked so hard, it always seems like no matter how much effort i put in i end up feeling like shite :( but i think i'm overreacting, to be very honest im pretty sure i passed but it's just that i hate that i didnt do as well as i wanted to and it just bugs me cause i dont feel entirely confident about doing very well. okay rant over.

i need to do work but im so tired.. and lazy. i need a break. can i take a day off please? pleasee..?

huayshan

about my very sad life.

2011-03-18T06:45:00.003+08:00

today it just hit me that i lead a very very very sad life. people must look at me and go- damn that girl is sad. thank the heavens i'm not her. i have an exam tomorrow, im so tired but i have a lot to read up on, reckon im just gonna zz. nyeh. And i'm going back to Hereford tomorrow evening because I have another exam in 10 days and i need 4 cases for this exam- i had all my cases but GUESS WHAT, i didnt take the patient ID numbers down so it means that I have to look for new cases. Perfect. I dont mind going back, some others are working there over the weekend but I just feel so embarrassed I'm going to be extremely humiliated if i meet any doctors i know on the wards. They'ld be like what the HECK are u doing here on a sat?? and ild be like uh... looking for my cases? and they'ld be like:
1)you lazy last-minute worker, and
2)omg you must have no life.

I want to kill myself. What have I become..? On a happier note I was so ?!! today about this whole situation(not down per se, more alarmed about what my existence is amounting to) and I really really needed to hear my mother's voice and it's just lovely calling her cause I know she'll say what i need to hear and give me all the support i need. She told me not to be embarrassed and to do what i think is best. And you know what? I'm a worrywart so even though i can probs get my cases on monday i wanna do it on sat cause I dont like sitting around anxiously!! I'm gonna be good and go in and get work done. Then in a month I'll be enjoying life and patting myself on the back for being good. Nice.

Please enjoy your lives for my sake.

huayshan

About .....

2011-03-14T02:07:00.004+08:00

i'm here cause I'm bored and a tad.. fine PLENTY distracted. Meant to do lots and lots of work today but i'm bored as i said and i thought some verbal diarrhoea may help me clear my mind and make me go back to work!

The one thing I like about March is that the sun starts coming back and days start looking like days again. It gets dark at 6.30pm instead of 4pm zzz and i dont get as wet/cold/angry. It also means my summer break is coming so yeah, all in all besides the pressure from exams, it's a pretty good time i would say (:

i've got 5 weeks to enjoy when i go back-and then i'll be moving on to 4th year and that is SUPER FAST! i dont feel like im a 22 year old, i still feel like a teenager with all my giggly childish retarded ways- and sometime i wonder when i'll start feeling like a grown up. thinking about my future is scary, everything is so uncertain and there's so much i want that i've not achieved yet.

you know what i miss? i miss the 16 year old version of me, i think i've changed a lot a lot and even though it's for the better i miss being immature and irresponsible, it's darned tiring being good all the time. it's also tiring constantly reminding myself that if i'm lazy my future will be MESSED UP.

i've also become less tolerant as i age- i cant be bothered to be nice to people i dont like anymore and i'm becoming less of a people pleaser as well. And i used to think i was the prettiest thing on earth back when i was a teenager but now i avoid mirrors in restrooms cause they make me want to cry. (haha)

i guess that sums up my existence. (im)mature and mirrorphobic.

till next thurs!!

huayshan

about my absence!!!!!

2011-03-13T06:05:00.002+08:00

omg i've been away for awhile, anyway exams are coming up and i'm struggling to spend every minute studying :( but i took a break today cause liz and peiying came up to see me from friday night till sat and i really enjoyed it, it was so nice having two people i love in the same place at the same time, just the break i needed. why am i so lucky??

I've been shopping a lot recently but its the only fun i get so let me have it ok??? (:

i dont really have much else going on- just that im really excited about coming home soon- 7th may- and that i really wanna get through 3rd year. wish me luck!

huayshan

About naps.

2011-03-05T02:53:00.002+08:00

I've been taking SO SO many naps recently. See I've become less keen in hospitals cause I've come to the conclusion that nothing beats pure hardcore studying if you want to build up on your knowledge. It's fun to run around with the doctors but if you really want to learn something you have to sit your ass down and STUDY.

So I go straight back after all the teaching is done and I think ah, just a tiny nap won't do any harm! and then i wake up 2 hours later, panic, stuff my face with garlic bread and tomato soup(NICE!!!) and run to the library and study frantically. First 2 hours are very productive but I get lazy again after, :(

Exams are drawing near and they're not doing any good to my blood pressure. I LITERALLY measured my own blood pressure today and it's slightly elevated. I've been sooo tired this week, and i've had about 5 panic attacks. Apparently at some point in 3rd year you will feel like killing yourself, I think my time has come.

But bright side is i'm not ENTIRELY behind i dont think.. today was my last day at my GP placement and we had to do this feedback form thing where the GP sits us down one by one and talks to us about our progress. The details are boring but essentially he made me feel really good about myself and inspired me to work on my flaws. I really respect this GP, he's helped me out so much and he always manages to point out my flaws without making me feel bad about myself.

My whole life is school.. my whole life is work. It's dull.. I know. :(

Okay... got to plough through some work whilst being half asleep. Ta!!

huay shan

about being soooo boring :(

2011-02-25T03:07:00.002+08:00

i started a new rotation this week and it's 10000x less scary, the medical doctors are a lot less intimidating than surgical doctors, PHEWWW! so less stress on the hospital side.

On a sadder note, exams, major ones are in a month and I don't go for lectures so when I opened the folder of lecture notes online I almost fainted cause there's so much! Have been struggling to juggle hospital work with academic work but i think i've gradually become less enthusiastic with hospital work cause to be honest it's good fun putting cannulas/catheters(i inserted my first catheter last week, it was surprisingly simple but very strange holding someone's peepee haha) but i've come to realise that i understand things ten times better if my academic work is up to date. So have been a lot less keen recently, i just come home straight after my last teaching session, take a nap and then run to the library. Ok... maybe i spend a few hours watching Friends, eating and playing but i do a lot more work than i used to!!

Still loving running up the Hereford hill, i call it my butt toner. I also realise that I have a childish streak in me o_o, two of the guy medics make fun of my running, saying I just run to KFC and for some strange reason i want to ask them to run with me so that i can run super crazy fast and tire the crap out of them but everytime i'm tempted to open my mouth i pat myself on the head and say to myself, you are 22 you are 22....

HAHA. nothing else really interesting happeninggggggg oh yea i've been buying a lot of random clothes i like the whole loose crop top look thing and h&m has multiple cheap basics so i've done quite a fair bit of damage am afraid :( and i've recently fallen in love with the whole floppy messy batwing baggy cardigan look(i'm not fashion forward so i make names up)- they ran out of my size of this really pretty one in Miss Selfridge- which made me want it EVEN MORE so i ordered one online >.< these are the times when i say to myself,at least you're not spending it on drugs, it's ok it's ok...

I HAVE THE DAY OFF TMR.. i can't believe it i keep looking at my phone with terror,expecting a text to come in asking me to go in tomorrow for something but nothing's happened yet so YAYYY!!!!! SLEEEP SLEEEP CATCH UP ON WORK!!!! i have to make a stupid poster on two babies i've been following up, I've got all the information but it's taking me HOURS to organise it, YARGHH!!!

okay i've wasted 20 mins. NICE WORK. :(

bye!

huayshan

About me going back to my good place.

2011-02-18T06:28:00.005+08:00

I was really extremely upset last week, for no good reason too actually- but for some reason i spent the entire weekend either crying or feeling depressed. I think it all just hit me at the same time you know? But I went back on Monday feeling slightly more optimistic and the week went alright at first, nothing tooo bad happened and then THURSDAY CAME-- aka the day where consultant-who-made-me-cry was scheduled to teach us again. She told us to come prepared with a history so I was panicking all week struggling to take a good one, 2 of my patients backfired cause they were either too ill or too confused but in the end I got a good one.

I worked really hard on it, I practiced typing up other histories and sent them to my brother to be corrected and I spent awhile reading the patient's notes and reading about the condition (rectal prolapse, not nice)and it all paid off cause when I presented it back to her, she smiled at me and said it was excellent, she was pleased and that I had advanced from the previous week. I'm still scared of her but it feels so good to know that my work did pay off.

And i'm back to my happy place again, the place where I am in control of my feelings and myself. To be honest, I've been a bit out of whack for the past month,I've kinda been crushing on someone who's attached and I've been stressing out a lot as well about work and life in general- and i think i kinda let go of myself then, thinking it was alright to not be good sometimes- but truth is discipline is the one thing that keeps me sane. As I walked to the supermarket alone to buy food to treat myself after the teaching with the consultant, I started feeling a sense of inner peace, something I've not felt for quite awhile and I felt so happy. I've still got so much work I could cry and I'm still rubbish compared to others in hospital but..... I am back to being steady and I'm going to try to face any obstacles that come my way with a brave face and a strong heart. (:

also, one thing my brother said to me will ALWAYS stick with me- he asked, "Shan, throughout your life have you ever worked hard and not seen the results?"
Which is so true cause I'm always struggling to keep up at the beginning but the results do eventually show after I work hard. Owh, life is a bitch but it throws you a life jacket every so often so I'm going to do all I can to grab it.

i'm good again.

p/s can i buy another hollister shirt cause i did well? the one i bought last week is GORGE!!!

huay shan

about being OKay again.

2011-02-14T01:50:00.002+08:00

to the people I've been whining to,

I'm sorry and I'm back to normal now, all determined to conquer the world and well.. to keep pressing on.

My brother has set me straight.. again. Things have fallen into perspective, I'm seeing straight now and I've stopped wallowing in self pity. Dangerous place to wallow in that is. It's hard sometimes I think, to climb out of an abyss of self pity. It's nice to wallow cause you feel like it's not your fault cause you have a reason to be upset and it's frankly darned exhausting to muster up the determination to be optimistic and to try to work harder. It's so much easier wallowing in self doubt and unhappiness. Not doing any work? Oh that's okay cause I'm being sad. I'm taking a personal day off. But NO MORE WHINY HUAYSHAN, i bought myself a Hollister shirt (Abercrombie a bit too expensive ah..) -- light yellow with light blue stripes and the collar and sleeves have a really pretty blue checkered lining! -- so i'm going to wear it tomorrow and remind myself that it's time for me to start afresh.

*side story, Hollister is so freaking dark and LOUD!! I walked into what I thought was the changing room and started taking my top off when Hot Salesgirl walked in and said "Whoa there! Changing room's that way!" for gawd sake steal some of the lights from Forever 21 and stick it in your store then!!! -_- it was a store room btw but there was a flipping mirror in it, it's so misleading!

okay. please let me stay strong. *nods* Hopefully I'll be back with good news on Thursday (:

huayshan

about gritting your teeth and pushing yourself forward

2011-02-11T03:44:00.006+08:00

hokay some pictures to make this place a bit happier looking.

but i'm not too happy at the moment, don't worry about trying to make me feel better, it's something i have to work on myself.

you know how people always say, ooooh watch out for mean consultants who yell at you and make you cry? Yeah i always thought that was funny and that I would probs be very amused if it were to happen to me but turns out... not funny and not amusing, at all. My consultant had a go at me today in front of my firm and the worst part was that I feel that all that she said was true, I wasn't well prepared and I did do my work but I don't know I think sometimes I think I know something but I actually don't- ahh I can't explain it but essentially I managed to keep my cool in front of her and the rest of my group but when I got back to my flat I texted this girl that I've been getting along with really well and she came over straightaway and I just started crying uncontrollably, you can't imagine how difficult it's been you really can't.

It may seem like being in medicine is amazing and that life is pretty much smooth sailing from here cause I've got a good career lying ahead of me- but that is so not true, nothing could be further from the truth. I'm constantly feeling insecure, stupid, inadequate and terrified. As I was sobbing my frustration out I kinda started thinking about doing something else cause I just don't think I'm clever enough sometimes, and I don't want to endanger people's lives if I'm not clever enough to help them. But i just cannot imagine doing anything else, it feels AMAZING to have the power to make people feel happier about having to lie in bed with needles all over their arms.

Worst thing is I can't even take the time off to be depressed because I've got so much to do today, tomorrow and on saturday. Sunday's my only day off and then it's back to being insecure, inadequate and terrified on Monday. I'm okay.. I've got my brother and there are people around who help me cope. But i just have to say.. it is not easy. it is not. It's about constantly having to think positively and it takes so so so much determination and passion to pull yourself through. Some people sail through effortlessly but average people like me really really struggle. We really do.

I'm okay.

huayshan

p/s it also hurts so badly when you give your heart to someone thinking that they feel as close to you as you feel to them and you realise that you were actually going way over your head. I've managed to save myself from this sort of heartache for quite awhile but I guess I was a bit too hasty this time. Gotta take a step back and harden my heart.

i am sounding so emotional and sensitive in this post. i do apologise!

*update* : i am buying myself an abercrombie checkered work shirt to cheer myself up, I've been wanting one for ages and I need the boost.

about my belated resolutions

2011-02-05T04:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when you feel like life is all haphazardy and there are a billion things you need to fix, you can make things better by making a plan.

1) I will start reading books so that my English will stop deteriorating!! Omg it actually depresses me cause I've been finding it a bit difficult lately to string a grammatically correct sentence together. I want to kill myself.

2) I will keep running in Hereford cause I don't want to be fat and because it's the one thing that keeps me sane.

3) I will work consistently and I will not despair even when it seems like I am the stupidest person on earth and I will never finish studying. I will not complain, I will plod on doggedly.

After weeks of feeling like the stupidest person on earth, I finally had a feel-good moment today- keep in mind that I really am very dumb, and that I know nothing when doctors ask questions- 2 patients gave my GP positive feedback about me and he beamed at me so proudly I was positively glowing with delight. I'm really lousy at sciency stuff so I'm hoping I can revel in my little happy moment here without sounding arsey..?

WORK. tired.

huayshan

about something a little bit awkward.

2011-02-04T06:02:00.002+08:00

I am so tired. so so so tired. :(

But it's been a reasonably okay week, I saw a couple of operations I really enjoyed seeing- I had a lecture on piles last week and when I saw that it was among the lists of surgery that was to be done for the day i got WAY excited and went along to watch it, it wasn't pleasant looking but was nice seeing things in real life when you read about them in books.

Saw lots of butts and external genitalia this week haha, today I had the weirdest teaching session ever. I had a teaching session with 4 others- at 6pm- on the female pelvic examination, aka vaginal examination. The facilitator was like yea, you practice on the model a couple of times then you'll have a go on me, and I was like *eyes bulge out* ??? But it went quite well for me, i tried to look at it as an anatomical thing instead of a person, it helped ease the awkwardness and I kept jabbering on to the lady about whether she was cold or in pain blabla.. haha interesting experience INDEED.

OH and another old man asked if I was single, I said I wasn't. Not gonna go through the whole number asking nonsense again zz.

And apparently it's chinese new year today!!! hahahaha oman.......

okay. saturday's medball. Hopefully it'll be fun!

huayshan

about something that makes me go WTF?

2011-01-31T01:07:00.004+08:00

Over the past month, I've received a marriage proposal and an offer to be somebody's girlfriend.

Both guys are attached.

What is wrong with the world??? I know they both weren't serious but it's just very alarming and I'm so so so ashamed to admit this, but for a split second I kinda wished that they would both break up with their girlfriends and come running into my arms *Slaps head* Sad loser.. I KNOW.

I'll dump my boyfriend-to-be on the spot if he utters a single flirtatious word to any other girl out there.

Till next thurs. Have a good week ahead (:

huay shan

About.... something funny and something not so funny.

2011-01-28T00:30:00.006+08:00

It's been a really long week, I've been trying my best to make my time at Hereford as productive as possible and I'm glad to say I think I've kind of succeeded. There's still room for improvement but at least I'm starting to go through my lectures. for now that's good enough for me.

Instead of hanky-pankying like I normally do, I spent some of my evenings helping the on call doctors run some errands- I put 3 cannulas in this week, exciting! In case anyone's wondering, a cannula is kinda like a needle that has a plastic casing wrapped around it- so you insert it into the patient's veins, and then pull the needle out and leave the plastic casing in for administration of drugs etc. It's a bit trickier than blood taking and I made a fool of myself with 2 of the 3 cannulas I put in haha, the last one i did was tragic, long story short I ended up splashing some saline all over a little old lady(LOL)'s face and I had her blood all over my hands. Felt like Lady Macbeth haha. But nothing sinister, I splattered the blood all over after I got it out of her so she was in no pain *phew*. But very amusing. The doctor supervising me was a bit muddleheaded so together we made lethal combination of clumsiness and stupidity heh.

Besides that.. I've come to realise that I have to do a lot of work- I think all this while I've been a bit too relaxed, and I have been trying to work harder and to read more. It's exhausting though, I go out like a lightbulb at 12 sharp every night. Sometimes I feel like my life is consumed by what I do- and I worry about ending up a lonely workaholic but I guess I've got to try my best to strike a balance.

On another note-- (argh see everything i talk about is med related, I need to get a life!!)-- I was scheduled to go into eye surgery this week so my kind, unselfish brother rang me and told me all about the surgery I was going to see and I actually found it quite interesting- and after speaking to the surgeon I kinda think I wouldn't mind being an eye specialist- the hours are good and you get quite a bit of satisfaction out of it too. Just food for thought. Not committing to anything yet.

gonna have my dinner now (:

huay shan

about sitting on my pink fluffy rug

2011-01-23T22:59:00.003+08:00

...

am sitting on my pink fluffy rug now thinking about life. Feeling tired. Not knowing what to say. It's been a hectic weekend and I loved every single second of it- I'm happiest when I see people I love and when I'm eating at a nice restaurant.

and so..?

I'm really tired. I''m glad to have this time to myself. Sometimes I get tired of being good. Tired of staying positive. Tired of pushing myself. Maybe we all need a break sometime. Take a step back- it's exhausting constantly trying to be good.

5 hours till I go back to my good self......
Maybe I'll just sit here and think for a bit.

Till next Thursday (:

huay shan

about STRESS

2011-01-21T07:14:00.003+08:00

i am extremely stressed out- I dont like to whine about work cause everyone is busy but i really really really have a lot to do-

1) I have to speak to the parents of 2 babies, 4 acute patients and 3 chronic patients and write up their notes.

2) I have to develop questionnaires and go to primary schools for some research project thing

3) I have to study my lecture notes for exams in March

4) I have to read up on hospital notes cause OMG i am so STUPID, i just dont know enough, i don't study hard enough and I'm not thorough enough. Other medics will be shocked that I know so little.

5) I have to find 6 patients in hospital and follow them up and write up notes on them

6) I have to find a way to make my learning in hospital more productive- I almost cried today cause I've not taken blood for 2 months and today I tried again and failed, made the poor old lady bleed like mad, I felt so bad and I've just lost my confidence all over again :(

ARGH.

rant over, SORRY!!

Interesting things that happened last week............ helped out in a breast removal surgery, FUN! Nothing else exciting really happened.. Ah sometimes I just feel very pensive about things, because this term is mostly about following up on patients- I found one and we get along nicely and I see her almost everyday- it all started out with an ulcerated foot but when I saw her today she mentioned it may have to get amputated and it's just really different when you actually kinda know the person better- i felt so bad for her and I actually got mad at the doctors, but that's ridiculous cause I'm supposed to be on their side! It's an odd feeling that is.

SOOOOOO tired, but it's going to be a long hectic weekend. Goodnight (:

huayshan

about my 3daysoff(:

2011-01-16T04:56:00.006+08:00

It's been such a nice weekend.. I have every alternate Friday off now- I really don't know why they're being so kind to us, they usually do something evil like make us come in at 2pm for a compulsory tutorial so the whole day is kinda ruined but i guess they've decided to be nice! for once!

I've done so many small things- went out for pancakes (mmmm apple and cinnamon), went to run, went shopping, bought a glittery silver wallet from forever 21. My two Asos dresses came today also, NICE!!!! (:

Tomorrow I have to run with Shi-Mei, go see some friends and say bye before I leave and then Erica's coming back yay!! and go to the supermarket to buy food, then take the 5.30pm train to Hereford and watch a film with the medics, I'm majorly excited cause one of the girls is a horror film buff also and she says she has a good film on her laptop *WHOOPEE!*

Everything is going peachy, and it's nice but it just makes me wonder sometimes- am i not taking enough risks or putting myself out there enough? Surely life can't be THIS uncomplicated? Ah. Thinking too much. My life will probably get messed up when the exams come anyway, considering my current laziness.

Okay aiyah give up lah i'll start work on Monday, now go learn Here Without You on Barbarella.

Tah!

Huay Shan

about my new placement (:

2011-01-14T04:30:00.004+08:00

OKAY!!!

it's been quite an interesting week- been staying at Hereford and I just got back today, feels quite surreal! It's like having two separate lives. again.

I got there last Sunday and met all 9 of my fellow medics and they're all really nice, I get on with everyone quite well and I love the rooms cause they're realllly warm and BIG and it's fun, it's kinda like being in halls again, the other medics live either right across the corridor, or in a nearby flat and our flat doors are unlocked so it's nice barging into everyone's flats heh.

There's also another medic called Shaan and the fun starts when we are in the same room with other people.

"Shan, what are you doing later?"

"Oh.. going for surgery....."

"NOT you, GIRL SHAN"

"So what are the causes of xxx Shan?"

*Shan and Shaan cock heads up to look at the lecturer*

"HAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHA"(everyone)

There are also so few of us that we're alone most of the time- in my previous placement, every GROUP was assigned a ward and now everyONE is assigned their own ward. I'm on a surgical rotation now and last week I scrubbed in for the first time it was amazing! And again, because there are so few of us, we each got assigned our own surgical theatres and I was in orthopedics (think bones, joints, muscles) and it was disgustingly gory. I held a patient's arm while the surgeon drilled nails into a metal plate that was holding his fractured bones together. Wasn't queasy, strangely enough, was just fascinated. I spent another 4 hours watching this instrument being fit around this guy's leg- almost fainted here cause 4 HOURS on my feet wearing a heavy xray apron is no joke. Google external fixation if you wanna see what I saw, it's like something out of Saw.

It's nice being home but I kinda am looking forward to going back on Sunday evening (: We're gonna watch a film on someone's laptop when we get back, excited!

huay shan

about... everything!

2011-01-09T08:30:00.006+08:00

okay. What's been happening. Hmm exam's over, it went fine actually- i panic too much sometimes but when I do the exam I realise I did study so why the heck was I worrying so much about not being able to do the questions? Like what did I expect, the exams to be about things not in the syllabus? But it's hard ah, when I'm actually studying, I always think that I won't know anything haha.

And moving on to pictures of the holiday. Can i just say I look very ugly cause when you're cold you don't bother trying to be pretty, you just do whatever is necessary to stay warm. In my case Ï consider wrapping myself up like a pig in a blanket necessary.

At the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp, it was FRICKIN FREEZING!!!
still at the camp..
Nyhavn, it's famous for some unfathomable reason, this is in Copenhagen. There are nice restaurants along the street and some vintage looking boats bobbing around but.. zzzz nothing that appeals to me.
Okay I'm really crap at sightseeing- the gate behind is quite famous, I don't know why either. Ya I know you're smacking your forehead now. That bear is mean, he asked for money after taking the picture with us.
This was me in Sachsenhausen. THAT WAS HOW COLD I WAS!!!
There's a story behind this (still in concentration camp, as you can probably tell, it was my favourite part of the whole trip). But to cut things short, this used to be a building where some prisoners were killed, bless their souls.
heh, this was in the king's gardens in Copenhagen.

x x x x

I'm going to Hereford tomorrow! Will be staying there till Thurs. It's gonna be a weekly thing, excited! But obviously people think I'm a loser and am weird for wanting to go. NYEH

I got Taylor Swift's new album and it is AMAZING!!!!

everything's been okay otherwise.. oh yea i've been shopping a lot the past month and I really feel quite petrified by my sudden appetite for dresses, I swear I used to have more self control. But they're so pretty, and they're on sale, owh :( I don't know what it is with girls but we NEED TO SHOP!!!!! :((

okay time to zzzzzzzz.

*hugs*

about the 22ND and other cold adventures

2011-01-03T01:17:00.009+08:00

because i lost my camera, because i haven't got the photos off facebook-and because I like writing about what i'm going through before the moment passes- this post is going to be somewhat long winded without any pictures. gotta rely on my writing skills to make this interesting, wish me luck! HA.

So the holiday started off with me watching BLOOD BROTHERS with a couple of uni people in London, it's an excellent musical, it's my second favourite now after Wicked.

Stayed at Hsi Wen's place after that for a couple of days until we went to Copenhagen and then to Berlin:-

Copenhagen

was freezing cold, and I actually kinda found it a bit boring, but we shopped a fair bit and well.. that's always fun! (:

Berlin

was OMG-Iwanttodie-KILLMENOW cold, I do this thing where I am extremely tempted to pretend to faint so that people will carry me/put me in a nice warm/cold room when I am exposed to either biting cold or sweltering heat. And at one point in Berlin, I was, I would say.. one gust of wind away from dropping to my knees in a pretend collapse.

I guess the reason why I found Berlin more interesting was because I'm really into the whole German Nazi business. I blame the movies I've watched(Valkyrie,Schindler's List) and the books I've read (Anne Frank, The Book Thief) haha. So as I walked down the streets and as I listened to the tour guide, the things I saw and heard made sense to me and meant something.

And so, haha.. the thing that intrigued me the most (and Hsi Wen was nice enough to humour me and to go for it even though she was unsure about it at first) was probably the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp tour.

That was the day I almost "fainted", it was -13 degrees out and I was wearing so many layers I could barely button my coat let alone bend over to put my shoes on bless my soul, and I was wearing leggings and jeans and three pairs of socks but my toes were still frozen, and I had my hood up, wore ear muffs and wrapped my scarf around my face, I looked like a proper hobo.

But I really liked the tour, the tour guide was interesting- we walked along the streets the prisoners had to walk along to get to the camp- and we actually saw the remains of the killing chambers, I don't wanna be too boring about the details- but one of the things the tour guide told us was that in winter, prisoners were made to stand for 15 hours in the freezing cold. That kinda meant something to me cause I was already close to developing frostbite and hypothermia when I was tottering around bundled like a big fat red bean pao, so in a way I could kinda understand how the prisoners must have suffered- a lot of them just dropped dead in the cold. Bless their souls.

Let's fast forward to my birthday- I took my bday off facebook and I highly recommend it, it was so nice cause 90% of the messages/wall posts I received were from people I love dearly and I actually found it sweet when people sent me a message instead of typing me a wall post cause i don't know, the privacy seems to have more intimacy associated with it- but I LOVED THE long, personalised wall posts too (not just happy birthday!- shut your gap and go away) and yeah, it was really sweet of everyone! can i also mention that a certain lala made an adorable voice recording that made me guffaw in the train. HEH

Went to EBF's, and she cooked an amazing lunch- and highlight of my day, cause:

1) I didn't expect it

2) I kinda forgot how retarded they are and

3) It's been years since HELD has been a thing..

Elise brought her laptop into the kitchen with Lina and Deborah's warm friendly faces bobbing around on the computer screen.. best surprise ever(: Besides the very retarded video they also made, their unselfishness and willingness to take the time to make me feel the teensiest bit special was what I loved the most. We've all gone our separate ways in uni, and I know that everyone has their own new friends and that people don't always have time for each other so i don't really expect much from anyone cause i know they're busy. but they found time and it touched me that I still meant something :)

It just makes me realise that I'm so blessed to have friends that are steadfast in their unwavering loyalty to me- chongaberry, my 4 IJ sidekicks, hostel people and Victorians(besides ELD and stella, can i also say that for some reason unknown to me, Liz is fiercely loyal to me(if i may say so myself Liz, i sure hope im not mistaken) and i really appreciate it)- I'm not the most popular of people but it's indescribably relieving to be able to bask in the friendships that I've made and nurtured over the past 22 years of my life on my special day.

I'm emotional. I know.

haha

okay trouble, exam in 3 days.

huayshan

about simple pleasures

2010-12-20T02:43:00.003+08:00

Because I'll be spending about 10 out of 14 days of my break in London(and hopefully Copenhagen and Berlin if it would #%$@@$## STOP SNOWING) and because I have an exam after, I've spent the past two days in school studying- it's damn loser and damn sad but it needs to be done, and I've done it argh, im pleased with myself.

So as I was reading about cohort studies and Kaplan-Meier survival analysis I decided to take a break and check Marcus and I found a lovely email from my mom saying she was very proud of me and that she loves me (: Got me through the rest of the day and when I got back, I found a plate of food on the living room table- Sunday Roast with roast pheasant(reminds me of Roald Dahl heh the little boy and the father who kept hunting pheasants), roast potatoes, brussel sprouts, STUFFING (OMG love it), carrots, broccoli and two yorkshire puddings- Anna and her dad had cooked in the afternoon and saved me some food, I was so so happy! You can't imagine how nice it is to come back to nice warm food.

Just have to study hard tomorrow again and I can enjoy my time in London :))) Going to watch blood brothers with some friends and I'm planning to take a nice picture with Jima with my short hair to use as my FB profile picture! =))))

BYE!

huayshan

about my HAIRTHDAY

2010-12-18T04:04:00.004+08:00

Finished school today, 2 week break, exams, worried.

But got a decent 2 weeks planned, going to be in london quite a fair bit and seeing a couple of people so am quite looking forward to it actually!

Moving on.....

HAIR.

I have short hair now. To cut a long story short, I decided to do it cause when I was in EBF's house I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I put my coat on- and you know how your hair gets caught so it looks like you have short hair- I liked how I looked, cut my hair off. I like my new look, though some people say I look like a Chinese Mushroom.

BIRTHDAY.

Not to be presumptuous or anything.... but this is just me thinking aloud about the things I want :)

1) Mcfly CD (latest one with shine a light ah not the old one)

2) Glee soundtrack

3) A hair straightener

3) An Abercrombie work shirt(58 pounds omg)

4) Cutesy hairclips cause yours truly has short hair that is fun to mess with!!

5) The motivation to run

6) The snow to go away

7) To pass my exams (okay we're going off track here haha..)

8) A nice sling bag to bring to hospitals(This will probs be my bday gift to myself)

9) Another work skirt(Can this also be my birthday gift to myself heh)

Oh and another thing I think may be blogworthy haha, my housemate got into a bit of a fix last night so when I had to go to get her the morning after pill and had to pretend that I had unprotected sex cause you're not supposed to buy the pill for somebody else. Had to keep myself from buckling under the woman's judgemental stare, there were so many people in the pharmacy and I had to march up and whisper "Can I have the morning after pill?" and she went "HA?"and i had to say it louder, omg mortifying. HAHAHA

be safe kiddoes.

huayshan

about the famous incident of The Swollen Huayshan

2010-12-14T07:24:00.003+08:00

I was spacing out(as usual) in the lecture today when Shi-Mei jabbed me with a grin on her face. After a brief interlude of confusion I eventually gathered that she was excited cause haha, the lecturer was talking about something that we both have in common-and I don't know anyone else who has the same problem-and apparently it's quite rare. We have......... *jang jang jang*.......

Food Related Exercise Induced Allergies.

Sounds cool ah? If you'ld like the technical bit of it, it basically means.. uh let's take peanuts as an example. We're okay eating peanuts and we're okay exercising, but if we exercise after peanuts, we swell up like Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Which brings us back to the infamous incident where I turned up to Mr Shi's wedding swollen.

SEE people said I was crazy when I said I was convinced I was allergic to exercise. Ha.

So for old time's sake..........

Ps. my internet's gone wonky :(((( can only use it when the external cable thing is plugged in, annoying!!

huayshan

about expectations

2010-12-09T06:17:00.004+08:00

When I was first assigned to this bunch I was like.. oh dear me i don't know anyone and I bet they're all going to be really difficult to get along with- But ah, today was the BEST day ever. let me tell you why.

Started off in the morning happily bouncing around in the car listening to christmas songs- one of the guys who normally cycles came in the car with us so everyone was slightly more hyper- and we had a nice teaching session in the morning which i think i did reasonably well at (: because I looked for a patient the day before and read up on knee examinations so could do it without looking dumb whoohoo!

Then came back had a nap and when I woke up ran over to the next road to wait for a lift to the restaurant- tonight we had the hospital social at a pizza place, though it felt more like a firm social cause we sat at our little corner being antisocial heh.

I'm really sad now cause we're all gonna be in different placements next term and tmr's our last session together. They've really gone beyond what I expected of them- I expected to leave feeling indifferent but I've kinda grown to love these people despite being mildly irritated at times but seriously we spend 5hours a day together 5 days a week so.. shouldn't be surprised.

I'm defo going to miss all their little mannerisms- jo's nail biting, ben's weird noises, hannah constantly pulling her stockings up, anna's distinctive laughter and andy's exophthalmic eyes HAHA. and i'm esp going to miss the guys, they were the ones I hung out with the most and they've made me laugh so many times I'm really really going to miss them next term :'( I am really quite sad now :(((

I couldn't ask for a better firm (:

huayshan

about a pretty fun day (:

2010-12-05T03:42:00.002+08:00

Had quite an uneventful kinda interesting day yesterday- my favourite kind of day!

Managed to see more exciting things in the clinic, 99% of the time people come in whining about chest/abdominal pain but yesterday I got......

1 ingrown toenail which is quite icky i must say, though it wasn't funny when I almost hacked the nail off in shock as I was examining it when one of my groupmates suddenly shrieked, "Someone's crashing into my car!!!!"

and

1 lady who needed a needle to be stuck in her buttcheek to relax the butt muscle..?? The GP was like, are u afraid of needles and she went no not at all doctor, and a smile was creeping onto my face, cause I thought the next words out of the doc's mouth would be "Shan, take this lady's blood", but no instead he sticks a needle into her bum and leaves it there for 30 seconds while my jaw drops open.

am now sitting in my living room in my pink fluffy bathrobe happy and warm :)

cant wait for s33 crew to come next weekend!

huayshan

About humility

2010-12-03T04:50:00.003+08:00

It's been a crazy hectic day- I've been stressing about this presentation that I've worked on for weeks- and today was the day we present. I was really hoping to get selected to present at Grand Rounds in front of all the doctors and other students but.... I didn't :(

Which really made me sad cause I think I put in an absurd amount of effort- and to be honest I've been a bit complacent- during regular presentations people generally respond quite positively and I'm convinced my GP tutor kinda adores me because he keeps telling me that I'm a natural at presenting. And I beg your pardon for the lack of humility but I really thought I was quite decent too cause I always put a lot of work into it and I'm quite comfy with what I'm talking about.

But today made me realise I'm not all that and after being consoled by a guy in my firm who I really like (and it made me even more upset cause he was going to be in the hospital i was posted to but I stupidly switched to Hereford) I came to the conclusion that I did not deserve to win anyway. Cause I realise that I always choose to do things that I know I can do well. People did their presentations on complicated shit like beta-thalassaemia and I did mine on nutrition. I need to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I'm not sure I'll succeed at. for once.

I needed this jerk anyway, I've been way too content with myself for the past few months. Reminder that I have a long way to go before I can stop working hard. Have another presentation tmr so am gonna try to make it as good as i can- i think i might actually cry if it turns out badly.

but i'm okay (:

huayshan

About patching up my life

2010-11-30T02:58:00.003+08:00

I have to say that I am so cold these days that I might actually, possibly die. I am not joking, the combination of:

1) OBESITY (from not running and from eating cakes to stifle my misery from being so cold.)

2) Well.. COLD (i am convinced it is highly possible that i will lose a toe or finger if this ridiculous weather continues.)

3) FALLING DOWN (i slip and fall about 2 times a week on normal pavements,so me waddling clumsily on slippery, iced pavements is NOT a pretty picture.)

But I'm kinda sorting out the little aspects of my studies that I've been neglecting-tons of work left to complete, but it's always good to clear the pile slowly.

I realise that I really enjoy blogging because I miss writing very much.

Also, *points to left* I signed up for the formspring thing so ask questions if you like, I would love to inspire any budding medics out there =) if anyone other than my (: friends read this that is.

huayshan

about BANNING FACEBOOK FROM MY LIFE

2010-11-28T23:07:00.003+08:00

this is a rant about facebook.

I used to be quite zzz about facebook, never really went on it much cause I usually read my wall posts and msges via hotmail. But somehow once term started this year I've been hooked onto it- I go on every half hour when I'm bored to stalk someone/stalk myself. Yes, am a bit shameless aren't I.

But I think it's unhealthy for me cause:

1) I am sensitive and I get homesick easily. Seeing pictures of people back home, and seeing what I'm missing out on/ what I used to have makes me quite sad sometimes.

2) After looking at too many pictures of myself I start thinking I look like a baboon's ass, which is no good as well cause that also makes me feel sad.

3) It just takes up so much time stalking people on facebook! HAIH! I could spend that time baking brownies and putting them in my round belly!

So the choices were:

- Delete my facebook account (yes i was actually considering this) but i think a bit too much ah, facebook is actually quite good for keeping in touch.

** STAY AWAY FROM FACEBOOK AND ONLY CHECK/REPLY MSGES AND WALLPOSTS VIA MARCUS(my bb).

Let the facebook withdrawal beginnnnn

*trumpet blows*

huayshan

about feeling very AH!

2010-11-26T02:52:00.003+08:00

So i thought i'ld spice the blog up with some pictures...... only to realise i haven't taken pictures in awhile. So i dug up old pictures. Randomly. I am random I know.

Also, Debster if you are there, I can totally relate to feeling like you look like a baboon's ass every now and again. In fact I'm going through a baboon's ass phase now. Sometimes I look at pictures/into the mirror and think, shit why the heck did my stupid friends let me believe I was decent looking all these years?? but I love you, my stupid friends and you're not stupid, I am. haha. haiyah. I'm based on a gastro ward where I see smelly yellow people with distended tummies all day so I've decided that I shouldn't complain.

I'm generally not a fan of solo shots but I like this one for some strange reason that for the life of me, I cannot fathom. But I put this here to remind myself that I am not yellow nor smelly(not since CORRINE HO told me I smelt bitter-????- when I was 14, which triggered a deodorant buying frenzy) so I shouldn't complain.

BAI.

huayshan

about taking a CHILL PILL

2010-11-24T01:49:00.004+08:00

i've been a bit less kiasu this week and it's been quite refreshing. i'm not stressing out running around trying to make my breaks productive, i'm not staying back late and taking the (dirty) bus back.. it's been nice.

Today, I laughed 4 times.

1) A 60 year old patient asked for my number. He also mentioned he was divorced and that his ex wife was 24. See guys, I'm single by choice, I can get a boyfriend/sugar daddy whenever I like.

2) The consultant asked me, "Do you like partying?" and bewildered as to why he would suddenly ask me such a strange question (and troubled by the amount of unwanted attention I seemed to be attracting from old men) I thought he meant to say "partink" and that it must be some kinda disease/drug I know nothing about. So I was like uh.. what's partink? and he was like, you know like clubbing and drinking and i was like.. OHHH and then he was like "Do you know what alcohol is?" which set everyone off cause clearly he must have thought I was some illegal immigrant from China who barely speaks English.

3) One of the girls in my firm's phone went off and she was in the loo, so we all looked at it dubiously and then this guy from my firm that makes me laugh every 5 minutes, nonchalantly sauntered over to the table, picked the phone up and said "Bonjour!" I nearly fell off my chair and wet myself.

4) Said guy was the first to get dropped off and while he was getting his bag out of the car boot, the girl driving started driving off and he was like "YAAH!" which set me off again(every 5 minutes i swear) and as she drove off she was like, omg imagine if i had killed Ben, and proceeded to tell us about how she had almost killed her sister the night before. I almost wet myself. again.

cant wait to see what tomorrow will bring me.

huayshan

about something really big!

2010-11-21T02:20:00.003+08:00

first off, since i haven't really introduced my housemates to anyone, here they are:

erica, anna and i.

anyway, i got into hereford. which means ill be staying at the hospital accomodation next term from mon to thurs, i predict it'll be a very intense experience but awesome nonetheless cause there're so few of us i can probably get more blood out of people haha, and im sure nurses and doctors will be more willing to teach us. exciting but nervous. scared people throw eggs at me for being so keen, scared i wont like the people there. heh

huayshan

about dilemmas!!

2010-11-19T06:47:00.002+08:00

majorly sian.

This is going to be a long boring tale but i need to rant. I applied to be placed at a hospital that is 2 hours away from here next term- because only 1o medical students are placed there and it's meant to have AMAZING teaching. people dread being placed there in general cause we have to stay at the hospital accommodation from Mon to Thurs every week for 3 months. Thing is, I can cope with that-and I don't mind sacrificing my non existent social life for good teaching.

So i applied- and a couple of people I knew and liked did too- but we all didn't get it. According to rumours, people who requested NOT to be placed there got in- and obviously those people are majorly pissed off. And so I was disappointed at first, but I've gotten used to the idea of going to the hospital i was posted to- got a lift and got a couple of friends going with me as well so yeah i was all set! then....... i got an email saying there's a last spot at Hereford(the hospital that's far away) and would I please reply to say if I want the spot.

After much consideration........ I replied saying I wanted the spot. I still may not get it if someone replied earlier though. zzzz. but im a bit worried cause I dont want to:

1) Be at Hereford with 9 angry people who hate the place

2) Get beaten up by above 9 people for applying for the spot and hence for being a full blown nerd.

NYAH. let's see if i get in.

huayshan

about NKDA.

2010-11-17T01:57:00.002+08:00

today, i said in front of 5 students and a doctor- ' Mrs X is allergic to NKDA'.

NKDA= No Known Drug Allergy.

So clever.

huayshan

about london!

2010-11-15T02:51:00.003+08:00

went to london on saturday.

met up with liz and han teng to watch we will rock you- which was good!!

then went for dinner and darel came along.

it was such good fun, it was just the break i needed and it kinda got everything out of my head- i've kinda forgotten all about work and aw i just miss being with vj ppl so bad :(

darel needs to cut hair.

i realllllly wish i was in london sometimes, it would be so nice to be able to see them more often. OH OH so exciting, liz, ELISE CHUA, hanteng and darel are coming down again to see me*pleased* in december, i cannot wait, that is the one thing that will keep me going for now. I was so emo when i got back last night, erica had to stay up late to console me while I threw one of my embarrassing tantrums. i miss my friends!!! erica go get them!!! *throws pillow at bewildered erica*

hehe

huayshan

about feeling fortunate.

2010-11-12T02:36:00.003+08:00

spoke to a lady today who had a tumour affecting her vision and she was the sweetest lady ever, nurses warned me that she was a bit of a drama queen but i found her adorable, she kept bursting into tears as i spoke to her which alarmed me the first few times,but she would recover just as quickly and continue with her story- i had to struggle to make her focus on her medical problems, but i just found her adorable. she's given up her job to care for her partner who is chronically ill. She's such a lovely lady cause she keeps walking round to fetch water and to talk to other sicker patients. At the end of it all she seemed a little down that i was leaving cause she was lonely i think so i told her that she had helped me a lot and that the time she spent talking to me would probably help me save someone else's life in the future- cheesy but i ended up making her bawl and i think i cheered her up.

i like making people's days.

huayshan

about me being mean

2010-11-10T05:41:00.006+08:00

i feel really uneasy when some people in my firm keep complaining about how nobody gives us any teaching or how we are always in the way- they leave once teaching is over and if we have no teaching they go home, and we only need to take 3 bloods this term so they're only taking 3..

for the record i like these people i just feel very confused by their behaviour.

thing is i'm motivated by terror- i'm very keen when it comes to clinical skills and going around getting teaching from anyone who is willing to teach (and trust me, if you persist enough your efforts will pay off- i think all the nice doctors kinda cluster together, once u find one they refer you to another and then you get referred again and again.. u get the idea)- i'm constantly paralysed with terror of not being good enough in the future. i know i'm making myself look like a noble person, but i swear i'm not. i am a selfish bitch that hides things from people so i can do everything myself and i don't share food. Unrelated but i get angry when people take my food. like unreasonably angry.

But my point is i'm always scared of not being able to function when i graduate- and i just dont understand how some people can just waltz around not worrying about it- i'm sorry for harping on bloods, but take that for example, wouldn't you want to do as many as u can so that in future you can take blood from any patient? cause mind you, some people have veins that like playing hide and seek. Not scared meh???? only me?

Truth be told, i'm proud of myself. i think i've made an effort and i'm not the smartest of people and i don't know very much but i can bask in the fact that i've given it my best and if i end up as some lao ah pok doctor then i'm sorry, i'm just not cut out for it.

But seriously... NOT SCARED MEH????????

haih.

huayshan

about POTATO AND LEEK BAKE

2010-11-07T04:02:00.004+08:00

so.

i've been very pregnant lady-like with my food cravings, i've recently developed a liking for leek, peppers and potatoes. weird. just made leek and potato bake which was YUMMY!!!!

also, i want a car very very badly. very badly. it really sucks cause sometimes i stay behind when everyone goes home and then i have to take the bus home in the dark. and the cold. and the rain. i'm placed at a further hospital next term so ugh im gonna be very moody if i have to spend an hour travelling :( good thing is we get a travel allowance *whee!*

What interesting things have been happening?

- i found a clinic where bloods are taken every morning and i'm telling nobody about it cause i wanna do them all myself yes i'm selfish, go away.

- i examined a baby's testicles yesterday- didn't know what i was doing, so i just kinda like massaged them haha.

- oh did i mention i bought myself a pair of grey uggs? about 2 weeks ago- i really like them and i think they're a worthwhile investment *bites lip*

OH OH OH best part of my post:

my parents bought my brother a robot, a ROBOT to clean his house.

I couldn't stop laughing when I read the email. Apparently, the robot is very stupid cause it keeps getting lost in the house HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAAHA. i can just about picture three grownups eating chips sitting on the sofa yelling at a little robot going round in circles banging into the wall. HAHAHAHHA omg i need to pee

huayshan

about being sooooooooooo tired.

2010-11-03T04:08:00.003+08:00

up, down, up, down.

today was a roller coaster ride. Things went well at first cause I was lucky enough to be speaking to a patient who happened to need blood taken from him so i had to suppress the urge to yell "I WANNA DO IT!!!" when the doctor came in to tell him he had to be bled. The doctor also happened to be a verrrrrry nice Malaysian guy who I've spoken to before so he was nice and when I couldn't get the blood and was close to crying with despair he came to the rescue and sent me off to get blood from someone else whose veins were so obvious it was quite gross, really, and that cheered me right up =)

DOWN

Then in the afternoon I went to the surgical unit cause I was bored and was allowed to watch two breast surgeries. Two of the junior surgeons were so nice and one kept explaining things to me and chatting to me even while she was busy burning the patient's flesh but the senior surgeon who was an old british lady was such a racist nobb- i can't be bothered with the details but she upset me by a lot of the things she said and the way she behaved- she seemed to think I was inadequate and completely incapable of becoming a surgeon and fair enough i'm not the smartest of people but b****, you've only known me for 3 hours so screw you!!

Really got very upset and it kinda helped when I met the nice Malaysian doctor(who in case anyone is wondering I am NOT interested in) at the bus stop and we had a nice chat on the bus and omg, he seemed to imply that i may not end up going back to singapore for another 5-6 more years which really depresses me i must say. :( oh well we'll see where life takes me. He cheered me up. He must think I'm weird though cause I burst into a rant abt said horrible surgeon halfway thru the conversation without any prior warning. nyeh.

Sometimes I think I'm too friendly and too smiley- people take solemn, aloof, arrogant(ish) people more seriously cause they look smarter and calmer. i'm gonna have to make the effort to be more aloof and solemn. so tiring.

It's such a drain on my emotional state of mind. I'm wiped out.

huayshan

about being surprised.

2010-10-31T02:44:00.003+08:00

just thought i'ld spice up the blog with a picture that displays the face that i usually make everytime tells me something i don't know about. Use xx to treat yy, *make face*. Press xx to assess for yy, *make face*.

ANYYYWAAAYY today i was uber keen and went to hospital on a saturday at 8am to go on call, a-lone. almost didnt go but am glad i did, doctor i followed was so nice and i got to take more blood, AND AND exciting bit- i took two alone without any supervision!! *bounces around*

i've been terrified of doing it but i've overcome my fear, whooop! it's just that sometimes i cannot imagine myself ever being able to function once i graduate and it's so nice when i am able to do things i never thought i could do. It's like i've always felt like this whole thing has been a haze and a dream and that somehow i'll never end up practising cause i'll definitely fail at some point-im just waiting for that day to come. but it feels to me like the more fears i overcome, the closer i am to it.

gonna rest today! deserve it :))

ps im sorry if it seems like im bragging i really don't mean to but im just genuinely so happy and excited!

huayshan

about eating too much cream

2010-10-28T03:00:00.002+08:00

someone pointed out to me that i've been eating creamy pasta everyday for the past month. im probably going to get ill if i don't stop. bolognese sauce tmr!!

Again........ nothing else has been going on other than waking up and going to hosps. two of my presentations went well, am happy cause i spend ages working on the powerpoint slides and practiced talking about it about a million times. it's always nice when something u work for goes well.

Over the past week, I took some bloods, carried a baby(who then peed on me), clogged the female toilet in the locker room and oh, fell down the stairs twice. It is very very humiliating cause i fall in an i-cant-control-my-body way. so i end up flat on my face or on my bum with my stuff scattered all over the place. And i always fall in front of a couple of guys. Who stare at me in bewilderment and offer me very sympathetic are-you-okays which makes me even more humiliated cause i rather people laugh! note to self- walk CAREFULLY.

hokay. shower time. im going out tomorrow, for some halloween thing but dont get excited kiddies cause im wearing the exact same thing i wore last year. yes. i am boring and lame. zzzz

huayshan

about motivation

2010-10-21T06:22:00.002+08:00

Some people absolutely hate being in hosps- in a way i can completely understand cause you're constantly feeling like an annoying parasite- I start every sentence with "Hi I'm a third year student.." and you can just see the nurses and doctors' facial expressions change as you utter those damning words -_-

But a nurse once said to me that I'm meant to be annoying cause that's the only way I'm going to learn- at least I'm being annoying for a valid reason. Seriously everyday I embarrass myself at least once standing around looking at doctors with dopey bewildered eyes, while they ignore me to like you know, save lives. hahaha but i have learnt to be thick-skinned *nods*

I've got to do this self-directed learning student project thing-so I chose strokes and have been on the ward a lot going on ward rounds, stalking dieticians and physiotherapists and sitting in during clinics. I like it cause I organise all my own teaching so if I see someone doing something that I dont know about I run to them and ask if I can tag along.

not all bright and cheery though, i got so mad at a consultant today i sulked throughout his teaching. he's such a bastard seriously, i asked a qn, a stupid one but i really didnt get it and he had said to ask any qns. And he just gave me a look and ignored the question completely. Typical old fat snobbish twat that thinks he's all that. Yea I was really quite pissed off.

Also am liking the other students at my placement- this one guy had yellow paint smeared all over his jacket sleeve so we spent our break looking for solutions on the internet- then someone suggested white spirits, not sure if he was kidding, and said guy found it somehow, not sure if he nicked it from an alcoholic or something haha and got the paint AND colour off his jacket. brilliant.

off to zzzz

nighttt!

huayshan

ps taylor swift is still awesome.

about feeling very stressed!

2010-10-17T01:41:00.002+08:00

yea what's new. i've got a pile of things to do that's just frustrating me but i'm trying to get on top of everything yes i am.

Things have been going okay, i really really enjoy my days now- kinda got the hang of being in hospitals and I like how I've kinda gotten to know some doctors better, it's always nice seeing familiar friendly faces around. I think one doctor seems to like me cause he keeps picking on me and showering me with well dones despite my very blatant stupidity, so I'm planning to beg him to let me get blood off people when I next see him.

I saw a really interesting patient last week and I was so intrigued by him that I've been going to speak to him everytime I get the chance- he has something called Korsakoff's and it's amazing seeing the manifestations of the condition in an actual human being. Basically he forgets stuff and makes things up to fill the blanks in his memories and a couple of things he made up were quite amusing. I've got to do a presentation on a patient next week and I think he's my man =)

It's also nice learning about things that are relevant. I've been given a lot of mini assignments by random consultants to learn about random conditions and I like doing it even though it's a lot of work cause I feel like it's all relevant and making sense. It's a really nice feeling never feeling bored with your work.

But i'm still stupid and lazy. At times. Most of the time.

BYEEE

huayshan

about becoming a princess.

2010-10-10T04:55:00.004+08:00

everyone ready for another major update that may potentially bore the bejesus out of you? yes? yes.

1) im crazily addicted to Mine(Taylor Swift) and Two is better than one( Boys like girls feat. Taylor Swift). See the pattern?

2) i had my first GP placement on Friday- it's once a fortnight- and guess what, one of the guys in my group is the prince of jordan. yes. it's true cause in between seeing patients i blurted out, are you really a prince?

3) GP placement this year is bloody cool cause we spend mornings sitting in GP consultation rooms and patients see us before the GP and we speak to them for a bit and then the GP comes in to do the proper consultation with the help of our notes. Cool stuff, but it didnt work out so well- my first patient was an angsty chinese lady who kept asking for a real doctor -_-'''

4) Another assignment is to follow 1 pregnant lady until after she gives birth and follow a baby. Follow meaning check up on how they're doing every few weeks to get a better idea about the development of a baby etc. So we hung around baby immunisation clinics trying to poach as many babies as we can, and they are so cute makes me so happy seeing babies!!!!!

5) Best part of my day was when I got to give out flu jabs!!!!!! It's actually surprisingly idiotically easy, and I can get my injections signed off- we have this ridiculous booklet with a list of procedures that we have to get signed off- and it's just stupid cause in hospitals millions of students walk around with eager eyes looking for ppl to poke and molest.

gotta go!!!!!!

huayshan

about being redundant and stupid.

2010-10-03T05:13:00.003+08:00

one thing i've learnt about being in hosps is that you really have to be perseverant and patient. Out of the 15 hours i did last night 12 were pure crap and only the last 3 hours were productive- i was close to leaving after having only 1 hour of sleep in the very awesome doc's lounge but my friend and i decided to stay and we learnt a lot from the consultant- and i felt super zzzz cause the guy with me was very smart and kept answering the qns but not in a competitive way, he's a nice guy, and the consultant kept talking to him and telling him stuff and not me which upset me but i kept telling myself nono just keep trying cause seriously, i have two choices- mope and feel stupid or work harder, keep trying and eventually get somewhere.

enough abt that, moving on to funner things..... fraid there's nothing. so sad!!! i'm liking my house a lot this year, its really nice and yea, im pretty content with everything now, nothing's bugging me. good.

got work. night!!

huayshan

about a lot a lot a lot of things

2010-09-30T02:44:00.002+08:00

yay internet is here!

so massive update:

been abt a month of school and it's officially all hospitals and no med school and i am loving it. it's a very different kind of teaching- we have to be very super keen to learn and i thought everyone would be naturally keen but it's actually a lot harder to stay enthusiastic than u would think. i love the firm i'm in which is the group that ur meant to go round with- but everyone's got different learning styles so i go round with two guys who are very very nice and we get along very well cause we're equally keen and have similar patterns of tiredness hehe.

have realised, thankfully that i enjoy what i do- but am constantly worrying about whether im ever going to be good enough. spend most of the day talking to old men, poking their bellies and trying to snag the last slot at a blood/diabetic/heart clinic. even elise got her slot stolen from someone. any budding 3rd years out there, one rule- BE VICIOUS.

funny story that just happened- i have a nursing shift tmr that starts at 7 and no bus can get me there that early- so i had asked this one guy who also has it at 7 to give me a lift and he said yes, and to text him. which i did, and i rang him twice but he didnt reply. so frustrated and anxious, i marched to a friend's house, asked him for another friend's number and asked that friend where the guy lived. then i marched down to his house, hammered his door down and a very sleepy him came to the door bewildered to see a frustrated chinese girl spluttering her apologies and begging for a lift in tomorrow.

HEH.

also, i go on call this fri from 8pm to 8 am with one of my firm mates- EXCITING!

be back soon (: its all going to be very medicine based though im sorry :( :(

huayshan

about me being GONEEEE

2010-09-04T23:58:00.002+08:00

internet will only be up on 23rd sep, so wont blog till then- school's started and its been ok but tiring, house is nice, miss home and hospitals start monday, excited. a summary. see u guys soon!!! ill be back promise!! :))

can i also say my last few days in malaysia were AWESOME i met so many ppl i hadnt seen for ages!! love it!!

huayshan

about jem and my leaving the hot land.

2010-08-28T01:41:00.004+08:00

Firstly, i need to rave. i've been reading and rereading to kill a mockingbird and i am crazy crazy in love with jem. he's only like 10 in the most of the book but i think he's amazing. the way he protects his sister ( the part where he tries to poke a "snake"-who turns out to be another boy- out from under her bed even after they just had an argument) and the way he is so righteous and brave( omg the scene where he refuses to leave atticus when he knows atticus is in trouble) makes me really really like him! yes i am mad to be into a character from a book but i can't help myself hahaha everytime i read part of the book my admiration for this boy multiplies by a thousand. think im mad? read the book and tell me if u don't have a crush on jem after. *nyehh*

going back on sunnnday! school starts tuesday, 8.30 start everyday. guess what my face looks like now. :(((((((((((( it's going to be intense and i hope i won't get into another one of my post-holiday depression mood swings. oh who am i kidding. i probably will weep my eyes out during my first lecture. always do. :((((

wish i could stay for just 2 more weeks. my bro's coming home to msia next wed and then my whole family's going to singapore a week later for hari raya. do u know how crazy happy i would be being able to spend 2 weeks with all 3 other members of my family? it's so flippin' rare to have my brother around esp in malaysia. to be fair though, he's coming down partly cause he knows my mom will be lonely once im gone. so im kinda glad he'll be around to distract her when i go so she won't miss me too much. so i won't feel too guilty leaving. yeah.

sigh, good times pass by so quickly.

huayshan

about taking a step forward.

2010-08-23T00:18:00.002+08:00

okay you guys haven't been introduced to this two- they were my primary school best friends- we were kinda like childhood friends, we went to each others' houses a million times, played together in school, went for computer lessons in school together, talked ourselves hoarse over the phone etc etc. (:

life in malaysia is getting better cause i'm more confident about driving- i drove on my own for the first time yesterday, picked my friends up(because we were so close i've memorised the route to their houses) and went to klang for bakuteh. and OMG i am so loving myself for it!!! i just need to figure out how to get to a few more places and i can start dragging people from singapore over for real. sorry to those who wanted to come over but were hindered by my ignorance of malaysian roads. *paiseh to the max*

okays then, im going back this sunday so am a bit pensive.. but ah well life! HUG.

huayshan

about the things going through my mind at this very second.

2010-08-14T23:38:00.005+08:00

not much material for an interesting read but here're some pictures to kinda sum up singapore, yes this is very late and yes i only have pictures of classies i can't find my other pictures and most of them are from other people's albums on facebook anyways......

wells the one thing that is pissing me off now is that i just realised school starts on the 30th and i am only reaching back on the afternoon of the 29th, ugh hello jet lag and messy room. pissed cause i like starting school knowing that my room's in place and my kitchen's filled to the brim with junk. cause once school starts who has the time to pack??!! ARRGHHH i thought school started on the 31stt and YES one day does make a difference.

expectations

on a very random note, i was talking to my brother and realised something else. for most of my life i've kinda been living by what i perceive to be people's expectations of the kind of person i am. for instance, i do not doubt that my brother is smarter than me and that there is no way i can get better grades than he did. and i kinda saw that that made me limit myself? cause he's gonna become an eye surgeon(fingers crossed) and i have been subconsciously thinking that there's no way i can be anything more complicated than that. i don't know, somehow it's been drummed into my subconscious for a very long time that brother yuen is smarter than me and that i can't go beyond what he has achieved. the brother told me to stop limiting myself and to try to beat him. i think i just might.

couple of things i used to see myself as and that i have realised may be false are:

1) i'm athletic- truth be told i think i'm a slower runner than most other people though i run regularly. hai...

2) i'm pretty- thanks everyone who has at some point in my life uttered those words to me, but good God i woke up a few days ago, looked into the mirror and.. i don't see what you see and while i acknowledge that i am not ugly i'm definitely not what i would describe as pretty. opposers are blinded by my dazzling smile and personality. and do not leave tags saying otherwise cause i will feel awkward and i will smack you.

3) i'm doomed to be as bad tempered as The Parent(reckon i should be more discreet in my rants)- of all the things i think about myself this has to be the most crippling because all my life i've been fighting against what i believe to be bad-temepered genes derived from The Parent - but i've come to realise some people just deserve to be yelled at. yes i think from now i shall unleash my anger more often. i deserve to!!!

ya i have more but i need to take a shower now. will continue another time!!

huayshan

about priorities or about being a sour puss

2010-08-07T22:59:00.004+08:00

so i've been missing for a bit- but not as long as liz ha ha - cause nothing has really been happening. singapore was lovely, that goes without saying! thinking back about the 3 weeks i had there.... the birthday was lovely, the outings were awesome, the ecp runs were tear-inducing, the 5 times i saw wan yun was miraculous and i still love her very much, the omg going back to vj was AMAZING, and the seeing mr ho was DOUBLE amazing.

so malaysia has been boring in comparison to those 3 weeks and i've been feeling a bit sore about seeing everyone else have the time of their lives travelling- but i was thinking in the shower and i came up with one of my little theories again *lightbulb*

not sure if im just trying to cheer myself up but the way i see it, i'm as lucky as the people who have exciting holidays cause the time i spend alone with my mother(my dad stays over at his farm a few days at a time) is priceless and we share such an intimate relationship that it's no longer a figure of speech for me to say that we share one soul. yea im cheesy shut it it's my blog. (and yours marianne, beg your pardon my dear!) holidays can be bought with money, but not the precious times that i spend with my mother. =)
ps no offence to people who are travelling, im just trying to console myself, i don't mean to say that my mom is better than everyone's or anything.. well she is to me but oh dear crap i am digging myself a hole aren't i, i will shut my pie-hole now.

but of course the minute i get back to uk im making holiday plans. heh.

more interesting post once i get bambi back,she's gone off for a minor surgery :(

huayshan

about me thinking aloud.

2010-07-25T15:16:00.003+08:00

just a warning, this post may not make sense but i hope that in some way people can relate to it (:

over the past week I've come to realise that there's something that you can learn from everything- so it's good to take the leap( this gets me thinking about marshall standing on the ledge, HIMYM fans!!) and do things that you normally wouldn't do. I've done a couple of things that I would say are not very huayshan-like over the past week and I've actually learnt a fair bit and put some things behind me that may be otherwise left unresolved.

(and can i also say that my ego has had a peg or two taken down from it but it's all good, it's good to know that not the whole world loves you, you know)

.. and can i also say if you think my taste in music is gay, wait till you meet my brother. he is blasting the veronicas in his room. and yes he got it from my ipod. but it still counts.

so basically lesson learnt!!

Don't be afraid to try new things-as long as you're not hurting anybody.

Don't be bothered if people don't like certain things about you- this is hard!!

And don't take your best friend for granted.

Thanks Vanessa.

huayshan

about me being so incredibly stupid at times

2010-07-18T23:34:00.002+08:00

first things first, i straightened my hair yay finally! been wanting to do it for agees. it looks fine so double yay!

on a very random note, i want to learn how to play the drums.

life has been very nice to me and i've truly loved seeing everyone and everything. inception was okay, leo is hot but joseph gordon-levitt is hotter. i am sad now because i don't have anymore movies to look forward to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

i especially love hanging out with classies, dont know if u all feel that way too but i feel so blessed to have had such an awesome group of classmates(:

moving on to something a little more personal...

i like to think of myself as a mature and sensible person but truth is i'm just a silly little girl most of the time. and i do things that are stupid even though i know they are stupid- just because i love feeling like i don't know how things will turn out and i love doing the occasional immature, irrational thing. and of course i eventually regret doing said stupid things.

aw still have two more weeks in my lovely land. cant wait for elise to be back!!

huayshan

About forgetting

2010-07-12T23:04:00.003+08:00

Okay you see right, when you stick me in a country-a cold gloomy country- for a year you can't expect me to remember things. I start forgetting.

I forget how glorious the east coast wind feels.
I forget that I was once in a school that I loved with all my heart.
I forget that feeling of comfort that comes with the presence of S33ians.
I forget how auntie Han Teng is.
I forget what real friendship feels like.
I forget what genuine happiness feels like.

Thank you for reminding me(:

huayshan

Hello, Again

2010-07-12T09:39:00.002+08:00

I haven't updated this space in a loooong while. Been busy with plenty of things such as planning trips, interning & meet ups.

Approaching the tail end of the internship, it got me reflecting on the things I've learnt. I realised that as much as I dread dragging myself out of bed to work every morning, I will kind of miss this place. Miss the new friends I've come to like - they're different from the usual bunch. Being older, they do have different experiences to share. Our soccer talks over coffee are always entertaining. I've also come to enjoy the company culture. Everyone here is very down to earth save for one & even though some might be heads of their department, they still take the time to talk to me & make sure I was doing okay. They didn't make me feel invisible. I really admire them for their genuine concern & sincerity. Everyone here is like that - welcoming & inclusive. I doubt there are large corporations that actually have such people.

As for work, I've really learnt a lot on presentation skills, the various countries etc. I'm really glad I got this opportunity. It's a definite change from my previous internship but enjoyable nonetheless.

I hope to come out of this a better person. Now back to work & the headache of my hectic schedule.

Toodles!

Mar

about being in Malaysia

2010-07-01T00:21:00.002+08:00

just finished an msn conversation with liesel- SORRY liesel :(

basically, i can't drive cause my mum says the temple says i cant this year and even if i could i'ld probably get lost :( and it sucks cause my malaysian friends want to meet up but i have no mode of transportation( daddy stays overnight in farm during weekdays, mummy works) and yes it just sucks. I've been spending my days following mummy to work and doing some tutoring which is fun enough but i still look forward to singapore where buses and trains await me.

other than that life has been pretty relaxed and yea me likey! haha oh but i cant wait for sunny singaporeee!! (:

huayshan

about hard work paying off.

2010-06-18T22:04:00.003+08:00

from the moment i heard that i failed last year i've been worrying about whether i would make it through this year. The easter break was hell and I had and well.. have no life but it all paid off. I wish i had applied for intercalation now, had too little faith in myself but i'll try it out next year. i feel real good now cause i feel like i know how to work now, i know how much i need to study to get the results. all this is leading up to one thing......

I PASSED with colours!! (not flying colours, but with colours!!)

happiest day ever.

hard work does pay off. and failing once does not mean you can't succeed later on. it wasn't easy cause i failed papers at the beginning of this year and i felt so :( then cause i had tried but still failed but i kept going and now i've finally gotten my reward!!!!!!!! =) so KEEP TRYING your reward will come someday! hugs and love

huayshan

about me.

2010-06-12T07:49:00.002+08:00

im just sitting here in my bed feeling relieved about not needing to wake up early tomorrow, and looking through old emails and msges(i like doing this when im bored) and it got me thinking. yes, again. i know. i think too much.

but anyway i read a couple of emails that i sent to people and i cant stop cringing, i've said and done so many things in the past that i regret! and i cant help wondering if things would have turned out differently if i had behaved differently.

been a depressing past few days, am scared shitless about next year and of course results day next week but lets not go there shall we.

this is supppeeeeer random but this girl who's.. not sure how many years older-she was a j2 when i was a sec1- anyway she got together with her boyfriend when i knew her, we were roommates and she's lovely, i love her, she used to get upset when the annoying housemistresses threatened to tell her parents abt him if they didnt break up but of course they never did, and now 8 years later they are going strong and are engaged and i couldnt be happier. i feel like hunting down that stupid housemistress and telling her this. she was such a bitch she really was. she confiscated my phone once cause i was msging during study time. never liked her since. heh. i hold a grudge.

gonna watch next! heard it was good. night world.

huayshan

about boredom and anxiety

2010-06-09T01:20:00.001+08:00

i am bored and anxious. and tired.

first day at hospitals today and i was bored out of my mind, i cant even be bothered to talk about what we did cause it was so so boring, think stupid things like hunting for an atm machine and the nearest coffee shop. -_-

not looking forward to getting up early again tmr only to torture myself trying to stay awake the entire morning while i listen to boring men talk. :(

nothing exciting is set to happen over the next week so that sucks too. nyeh.

zzzzz

huayshan

about laughter and sunny times.

2010-06-05T07:48:00.005+08:00

hello!!!!!!!!!!!! im back!!!!!!!!! this is me saying HELLO(ignore the plate in my hand) with my bigass smile!!
okay. what is this nonsense about my goreng pisang looking like TAUHU GORENG. OI! hahaahahhahaha anyway more baking pictures ahead before we lookie at the bath piccies =) why am i speaking likey a baby. um ok anyway..

my totally awesome blue icing on a delicious fairycake :)
the entire tray of awesome huayshan fairycakes..
VICTORIA SPONGE WITH PINK ICING :)) yes the cake was a bit squashed heh i didnt use enough cake dough and had too large a cake tin. but it was yummylicious!!

pretty righttt???

moving on to bath, i had a lovely time as always and I have funny tales. shall we do tales before pictures. yes we shall.

The tale of the BUSKER

so what happens is pria and i sit at our favourite area everyday for lunch/tea and nibble at the paninis or sandwiches we have (we save our tummies for dinner!) and we listen to buskers play the violin/sing/ play the guitar. so today we saw this new busker who plays the violin and at one point he suddenly stopped playing and answered his phone- pria and i took this time to wolf down our sandwiches and all of a sudden pria says 0.. 7..9..6..4.. etcetc and with a mouth full of mayonaise i give her a huh... look and she says, oh thats the busker's mobile number cause apparently he was screaming his number into his phone to the person on the line. and i got a brilliant idea.... two mins and 15 are you crazys from pria later, said busker received a text from my phone that read "awesome music dude. peace out bro!" HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA and he rang me TWICE!!!! when my phone rang i panicked like crap and no i did not pick it up in case u were wondering. HAHAHA

intermission time.. some pictures:
me on a lion. to understand this picture, refer to the tale of the lions.
i want to wear this hat some time!!!!! somebody please get married soon and ill wear this to your wedding, THANKEW.
and also, somebody please make me your bridesmaid. THANKEW.

thats the roman baths behind us. ya we didnt go into the place. we just stood on the benches outside jumping, trying to catch a glimpse of the baths. pria and i walked into the roman baths place, saw the sign that said "11 pounds entry", turned to each other and frowned, and agreed that we would rather spend the money on a new top so we walked outside and started jumping. HAHA we're horrible tourists, i flippin' hate sightseeing!! holidays are for peace and relaxation not long queues and boredom!!

before this was taken this old dude made me guffaw in public cause he was walking hand in hand with his wife and when he saw this thing he let go off his wife's hand just nonchalantly walked up beside this thing and held its hand and asked his wife to take a picture of them HAHAHAHA i started laughing at him, being unable to control myself(as always) and when i went up to take this picture after, he yelled "excuuusssee me, you were laughing at me!!!" from across the street, which set me off again HAHAHAHAHAHA aw cute old men and their wives. warms my heart.

The tale of THE LIONS

pria and i got bored after awhile and we noticed that there were quite a few random lion statue things around the city- we were just like.. okay.. until we saw a sign that said there were a 100 lions around the city and that they were meant to be for fundraising so.... this set us off on another mission.. TO LOOK FOR AS MANY LIONS AS WE COULD. we found 16. pria has the bulk of the pictures but here are some of mine.

the lion is the king of the jungle(right..? not the tiger right?... hmm..) so im curtsying to it. geddit?? ya i know u dont and that im lame. hehe

this is me flying on the lion because its a SEA-lion! (its blue) im flying because i dont want to sink into the sea. yes i know i am very random, and i dont make sense. i know.. *nods*
this lion looks like the lion from the some cookie or biscuit brand in malaysian, does anyone know what im talking about? the red colour packet. hmm.

this is a pig. i dont know why there's a random pig but it's cute!!

The tale of the 12-BEDDED ROOM

we stayed in a youth hostel, with 6 double decker beds and pria took the lower bunk and i took the upper bunk. and it was a mixed dorm so we got all sorts of strange people staying with us. cutting a long story short, a few eventful things happened:

1) while i was taking a shower, poor pria had to listen to a long winded middle aged man(albeit a very very nice one i must say) go on about his children and divorce. pria's relief on my return was momentary though, cause i immediately climbed up into my bunk and started reading ( catcher in the rye, it is AMAZING, it provoked quite a bit of emotion in me) and for abt an hour i assumed it was just us 3 in the room, until i sneezed twice only to hear a random bless you coming from a supposedly empty corner of the room- i almost fell out of my bunk in terror and (oh speaking of terror i SO wanted to go for a ghost walk but pria is petrified of them!! i wanna go for one sometime!!!) and pria and the man stopped talking and we all looked for the source of my blessing HAHA which turned out to be a dodgy-looking french man hiding in his bunk. i gave pria the ??? look and we couldnt stop laughing about it at dinner.

2) there were 2 hot american guys bunking at one corner of the room. ya they're hot but at night the guy in the top bunk slept-talked and the even hotter guy on the bottom bunk snored the whole room awake. when we got back to the room the next day, three very annoyed people were sitting on their beds bitching. pria and i joined. if not for the earplugs the hostel placed on our beds(i reckon they get tons of snorers) i would probably have slapped the snorer and went "you think you handsome so you can snore IZZIT???" HAHAHAHA

3)lastly.. the man sleeping on the bunk next to pria's sleeps in his underwear which are like man-panties. he came in, nodded to me and smiled( i stayed up a bit later every night to read so i saw everyone come in) and then proceeded to take his pants off and get into bed. omg. i almost burst out laughing again.

okay enough rubbishing. food pictures, my fav!!!

creamy pasta with chicken and mushrooms
a scone with jam and butter
my fav!! monkfish pasta with creamy tomato sauce
yes liz i saw it and started screaming in excitement. AMAZING COOKIES.
my new favourite meal!!! jacket potato with coleslaw and baked beans and yes i polished that baby off, thankew very much!!! :)

i also did some shopping and got a tutu skirt thing and an awesome work pencil skirt that is extremely flattering :))

ok enough. hope that was entertaining hehe =) byeee!!!!

huayshan

about rushing

2010-06-02T06:19:00.003+08:00

after a week of slacking and baking, things are really starting to pick up- had two formative exams today, one good one bad but they're not counted so WHO CARES, came back, told everyone what the qns were (cause the exam is spread over 4 days but i reckon they wont ask the same qns), went over the lower and upper limb with my housemate(cause ive become king of upper and lower limb thanks to my resit and vanessa) and yea!! i baked a victoria sponge a few days back *beams* pictures later on!!

also spoke to my stella-lala and heard multiple disturbing stories HAHAHA but its lovely to still be able to jabber away despite me not seeing/speaking to her for months *hugs my lala until her boobies flatten*

anyway just wanted to say im going to bath from tmr to friday with pria, just a mini us-time trip and then to london on sunday! and then next week will be lectures+hospitals and the week after that will be moving to new house+results (ARGGHH)

will have nice picture filled post after my return from bath (:

huayshan

About food.

2010-05-29T03:25:00.005+08:00

Helloooo just got my camera so there're a couple of pictures that can sum up the past few days- i've been baking and cooking TONS and i'm mighty proud of myself!!! :)))

my cookies with blue icing. vanessa says the (blue) icing looks like bird shit. does it? does it??
my banana fritters *proud*
shi-mei's trifle- custard on top, fruits and jelly below. awesome stuff.

Dinner + robin hood. Yes i'm aware i look the most hyper here. HAHA and robin hood is HILAROUS!!!! not a bad film. but not great.

the only pics i have from the night out. HAHA sorry. ok time to watch friends. BYE!!

huayshan

about freedom.

2010-05-26T01:50:00.002+08:00

I'm back i'm backkk!!! haha exams ended yesterday- 3 weeks of pure horror.

Anyway it's been a nice and good day of freedom- after exams i went for lunch, did some shopping, bought this thing from miss selfridge that i saw and liked when it was 35 pounds and it's now 10 pounds!! it's this suspenders-shorts thingaling but the front bit is more pinaforish. yes i can't describe very well but just now that i'm pleased. and i bought 2 formal shirts for hospitals too :))

then i went out at night for this medics thing and it was zzz boring at first cause i was sleepy and it was just super messed up in a lot of ways but towards the end it got good and i'm glad i went.

spent today baking a banana cake and blue cookies with my housemates- and shimei made some trifle thing. my cookies are a failure though. they always are!! why!! i think i'll use self-raising flour next time. it really makes me sad cause i want to be an awesome mummy who makes delicious cookies and all my kids' friends love coming over cause of my awesome cookies. yes i think too far ahead hahahaha!

dont have much planned- lots of chilling, gonna start watching vampire diaries cause apparently its awesome, and a couple of mini or day trips to places within england. also, i have two exams next week(formative ones that arent counted) : one where examiners poke dead bodies and i identify the things that they are poking and one where i stand in front of two people and they ask me questions(and i volunteered for this *smacks head* i thought it would look good on my CV!!!) then i have hospital attachments for a week, excited!

i wish i had photos to make this look more lively but i forgot my camera last night :( i'll nick some from facebook when they're up!!

i should do some studying for the exams next week, dont wanna look like an idiot. cant bring myself to study in the library though and i think people will throw eggs at me if they see me there so let's not go there shall we. haha.

yay im free!!!!!!!!! :)) oh and the last paper was quite nicely done, i worked really hard and i think it paid off!! but im still worried abt previous papers :(( there's this statistics paper( I KNOW RIGHT WHY AM I DOING STATISTICS) that i may have failed cause uh, i forgot all my math!!!! :((

but its all gooood

huayshan

:(

2010-05-15T03:44:00.003+08:00

it's been four hectic days of exams with three papers squashed in a day and I can finally take a breather. I still have exams though, two next week one the week after. and I feel so so so depressed now, I'm not sure if I passed everything and it's just getting me down cause i studied hard and I actually stayed up till 5 last night and DRANK coffee, i never drink coffee and somehow it always feels like i'm never good enough and now i've gotta deal with three more exams when i'm feeling so down and i've got to await potentially bad news =( it's so hard, i don't think i was cut out for this and i feel sad :( the paper i did badly in in january was the easiest to me though it was the other two that bugged me =(

sad and tired.

huayshan

*edit* im feeling better now sorry for whining!!!!!!! anyway i was thinking about sth funny that happened- somehow when i started writing i realised that my pinky was bleeding so when i wrote i left red blood spots all over my paper hahahahha so i wrote an apology on one of the papers with the most blood spots on it saying sorry for the pink spots, my finger is bleeding! HAHAHAAHAHHA

i am feeling better, pheww :)

About making friends.

2010-05-04T05:18:00.003+08:00

had this saved from awhile back, found it and was like okay! i can update without wasting time. =)

Yes it's an old picture. But I've been having such a bad day, somehow I just feel like i'm getting nowhere and no matter what i do i'm always going to be stupid and the lousiest =(

But as I came out of the bathroom moping after a shower i bumped into jima in a towel reading a book outside her room and i just laughed, she's such a silly doofus sometimes and we've had our ups and downs but i always feel lucky to have her as a friend cause i think i'm incredibly incredibly lucky to be able to find someone who's from a totally different world who loves me for my stupidity and who finds my ramblings interesting.

Thanks big Man up there, for always ALWAYS giving me somebody i can lean on and come back and whine to wherever I am. I've been so so so lucky when it comes to finding true friends and I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself not to take anyone for granted.

It's the best BEST feeling ever-

.. when you feel so depressed and you just dont know what to do-but you know a knock on the door next to yours will make you feel better in no time.

okay said person just walked into my room and gave me a comforting hug i feel more cheered up now :))

again....... rambling. point is it's tough to find a friend that you can say anything to, that you genuinely love, that you can sit in comfortable silence with..And that feels the same way about you. and i feel SO SO SO lucky and blessed to have friends like these. i'll be able to deal with the shit life throws me as long as they stick around (:

huayshan

--maybe when i can find time ill do a nice post about all my closest friends :)

The one good thing that may come out of this blog.

2010-04-30T05:30:00.004+08:00

Okay something I am going to keep in mind and always always remember.

BE nice to your juniors.

And please my dear darling people who are reading this, be nice to YOUR juniors. by juniors, i mean people who were where you used to be and want to be where you are now. that was convoluted. i'll elaborate.

see today at volunteering two lovely doctors were unbelievably nice to me, between running from patient to patient they sat down with me to teach me random things that i can't remember now and to show me CT scans and funny instruments and to smile at me and say nice things though they said i'm ridiculous for wanting to spend time in a place i'll be dying to get out of in a few years (omg please let me end up in that situation i want to pass!!)

and basically my point is they'll probably go home and forget about me by tomorrow but I'll always remember how nice and encouraging they both were and how they were kinda trying to protect me from the nurses in a sense- they were like - those nurses ain't teaching you nothing, it's okay i'll teach you----- and for the first time i felt like i was a part of a community that's filled with lovely people.

Last week this bossy looking surgeon who seemed to scare the hell out of the nurses kinda barked a how you doin' at me and cracked a few jokes to cheer me up(i was stressing cause three phones had just rang in a row, all asking for the most ridiculous sounding names which im sure are normal names but im just a bit deaf so my ears hear things like marceenashiwee when they're asking for marcia duffy)and went on to terrorise a few more nurses aw :)

i am aware i keep raving abt things like this ugh i'm sorry!!!! things like these make me happy. not clubbing(stella im inspired by you!!) not anything else. =) but i know im at risk of sounding like pollyana who btw annoys the crap out of me - it's this book abt a crazy girl who's so optimistic i want to reach into the book and slap the crap out of her i actually hurrahed when she broke her leg, HA serves her right!

ok shower then study.

remember, be nice to people even if it means taking a minute to smile or say sth friendly. it makes people feel so much happier =) ill be lovely to students i see next time.

huayshan

LOL.

2010-04-27T06:17:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure if anyone's noticed but i NEVER.

NEVER.

NEEEVVEERRR.

use LOL.

not in texts, not in emails, not in my speech, NEVER. cause I rather give the -_- look to express what a normal person would use LOL to express. cause LOL doesnt mean laugh out loud, it means *uh... ok... this is silly...* or something along those lines. right right right?? yesss..

anyway i was reading this in my notes and the first word that popped to mind was LOL. hahahaha so basically the author is going on and on about how it's okay to abort the baby if it's affecting the mother's health even though some pro-life nehnehs will argue that you can't use that to justify murder blablahblah..

and he was trying to put that in context of him needing an expensive live saving operation, saying that if he were to take all our assets to pay for the operation we would probably yell and boil with rage and in the notes he types this out:

It would be very kind of you to give them to me but my right to life does not give you any obligations.....

LOL. LOL LOL LOL.

HAHAHA i'm too free right. okay promise that next post will be more interesting. but you know what i've noticed- people generally like reading blogs that have plenty of pictures of the author behaving like a bimbo. Or talking about how life is bad. Cause everyone likes:

1) Looking at the pictures and going aiya! thank goodness I dont need to try that hard!

2) Looking at the raving and ranting and going phew! i'm not the saddest person on earth!

Or it could just be me. Omg why am i sounding more and more like a narcissitic prick as days go by???? nyeh. don't care.

Can't provide any of the above though sorry :( i'll try though!!!!!!

hahahahhaa

huayshan

uh..

2010-04-24T05:35:00.004+08:00

firstly this came about after me reading a lot of random news articles abt education in singapore and this may sound bad but seriously all that crap abt being in elite jcs not mattering is rubbish, people only say that because they can't get into elite jcs. everyone wants to be in elite jcs. it kinda annoys me cause we work hard to get into good schools and people who cannot make it(all due to laziness, people who work hard will ALWAYS do well) whine and whine and WHINE, trying to take away the reward for our hard work to console their bruised egos. NYEHHHH study harder lah complain complain complain.. zzzzz.

*gets eggs smashed into face* hahaha

i have a nice schedule. i study in the lib till it closes (not too late lah, abt 7) and i like it cause there are a couple of regulars and i dont know them personally but its nice having ppl there that i know are working for the same exams cause my kiasu-ness gets pumped up and it makes me work harder. thing is..... once i come home I DONT DO ANY WORK. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and im very proud cause i'm studying from the learning outcomes. *beams* but i cant rmb much ugh i hope it'll all come back in the exam.

okay lah, need to zz. i've been waking up at 10 everyday, so PROUD!!!!!

huayshan

Summertime!

2010-04-22T16:11:00.002+08:00

Summer's finally here so I can finally relax. Somewhat.

Exams were okay but maybe I could've done more for some papers. At least it's out of the way for now. My exams were really spread out this year, which was quite strange because I'm used to having back to backs. It wasn't really a good thing in some ways because procrastination sets in and it sucks when everyone else is done while you are still slogging away. Either way, at least it's over.

Now that it's summer, I've finally got off my lazy ass to revamp my room! With some help, of course. I'm finally adding in my long awaited sofa, where I can sit to read a book, relax or use the laptop in comfort. I found an amazing two seater from Ikea and it's coming tomorrow! I can't wait. We just put up the cute wall stickers too. I still need to redo the photo wall though, that's kind of a chore because there are so many I want to put up! Yesterday was hell, we cleaned the room in the morning. After 3 hours, 3 bags full of trash and 2 bags full of recylcing papers later, we were finally done. I was already tired. Thereafter, we headed to Ikea and I spent quite a bit! It was fun nonetheless. What a way to enjoy summer! Oh, did I mention a shopping spree the day before? My bank account is crying now!

More pictures of the room once I'm done (:

NO GO SCHOOL NO DO WORK.

2010-04-22T05:14:00.004+08:00

if there's one thing i've learnt from the past 2 weeks of studying, it's this:

NO GO SCHOOL

NO DO WORK.

this does not apply if someone is in the house with me.

but like i said...

NO GO SCHOOL

NO DO WORK.

ARGHHH huayshan do some work after this!!! ok i shall.

but i'll entertain everyone for a bit first.

I'm bored. So..............

IF I HAD....

1) Stayed in Malaysia to study

I would be studying in a Malaysian/ Australian university doing anything but what i'm doing now. why? cause i'ld probably break down from the stress of staying with my parents and I'ld probably lack the confidence cause my parents would probably have forbidden me from having a decent social life. I shudder at the thought of not going to my precious sg!!

2) Joined a performing arts cca instead of badminton

I would be more graceful, and I would be a hell lot fatter. and maybe shorter.

3) Not changed my mind about VJ and went on to TJ

I may not have gotten the grades I got, cause Mr Ho was the only reason why I got an A for Lit and I may not be as happy as I was in VJ and we all know unhappiness leads to bad grades. Yes it does. And bad grades=different course.

4) Chose ODAC over kayak

I would have gone through less trauma and I would have been happier I think.. less stress. And of course I would have been friends with a different group of people. But I would not have gotten to known peiying, ruiyi, puiyee and eunice better and that's a thought that makes me shudder too. I hope nobody from kayak sees this cause i'm showing favouritism but I've gone thru things with these 4 that have made our friendships unique and strong.

5) Chosen to do literature instead

I would fail and die. Cause fact is I like it but I'm no good at it compared to people out there. So I would probably fail and end up jobless. Thank you. I've learnt that science is where I belong. It's the one thing that my brain can understand well.

6) Were a boy

um.. i'ld be awesome.. i mean c'mon, people have told me I look like guys that are super goodlooking (i am not even joking, i swear that lots of ppl say i look like guys they know who are hot) and I will dress nicely and be nice to girls. Thank you.

7) Had chosen to spend this time studying.......

I'ld be feeling a lot better about myself right now. HAHAHAA

okay lah time's up.

ta-rah!

huayshan

My Boyfriend.

2010-04-20T05:51:00.003+08:00

I've been over this a million times with everyone that knows me well. Whenever people come over for sleepovers, this is a topic that inevitably comes up. I don't know why.

p/s shutter island spoiler alert!

Hsiwen left today and we had several conversations about this while she was here-and im starting to think about it again, and before you judge me WAITWAITWAIT i was thinking about work first. I was looking at my notes on the treatment of schizophrenia and there was a bit about frontal lobectomies and then i thought about leonardo dicaprio in shutter island and then i thought about my dream the other night where he fell head over heels in love with me(which he shall for real someday) and then i thought about how if i cant hunt him down i should consider having a backup plan.... then TADA!

this may not interest you but these are the 10 things i want in a guy:

1) HANSUM. not hamsup ah dingbats out there, i said HANSUM

2) athletic and must like jogging

3) Smarter than me

4) Eats like King Kong. I need a buffet buddy

5) Must be retarded. not literally. he must laugh(sincerely) when i do the chicken little dance in front of him when we're waiting in line for our buffet.

6) Preferably has some form of artistic-ness in him. music, art, literature anything also can.

7) Has a big nose. Ya that's what I like in a guy. And he must laugh when I tell him about this.

8) DOES NOT HAVE A BAD TEMPER. veryvery important.

9) He must know how to take charge and behave in a mature manner when an occasion calls for it

and............

10) He must MUST MUST get along well with my friends =)

i know i'm being ridiculous. but before you laugh at me........ think about this: if i do get someone who fulfills the above ten things, then

IN YOUR FACEEE!!!!! HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHA

bye bye

huayshan

missing.

2010-04-16T05:25:00.002+08:00

hello. i have been missing. i am sorry. i am very zzzzz now.

nothing much has been going on, hsiwen is here and we've been trying to study and have a little fun at the same time and ooh ooh we watched shutter island, i love leornado di caprio but the movie wasn't that great. nyeh.

if zuyim's there, heyyyy goodluck with the chords and im trying to do bminor now!! =)

if i know myself something stupid will happen to me sometime. just wait.

exams in 3 weeks.

i hope combined 21st works out with my pee buddy. should i share the story? no. scared liz whacks my head with a saucepan haha.

ok gotta studddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

huayshan

a jolly tale of fun, friendship and near-death experiences (:

2010-04-05T06:07:00.008+08:00

Okay i'm bored and lonely and lazy and somehow i feel like i can't move on with my (mundane and sad) life until i've put this down in writing so that i won't forget anything.

Tenerife was something. It's definitely the kind of holiday that i like. for 5 days i forgot about work and well.. about everything.

look at this and tell me it can't take your worries away.

(credits go to elizabeth.)
it wasn't just about the scenery, it was about the sheer lack of hustle and stress in the place. it was crazy busy with almost naked(lots of exposed boobies) people walking around increasing their risks of developing cancer but somehow it was just such a happy place, i couldn't help but be at peace and be happy.

it also helped that liz was with me and there were ups and downs but at the end of the day i would just look at the dumbass sleeping/peeling her lips/reading her book/swimming and smile.

and as always, putting two idiots together=lots of crazy events so..

while we were pedal boating we decided to fish random things from the ocean. after picking up a beer can, i saw this and told liz very excitedly that it was a hairclip and that she should pick it up. it was a jellyfish.
this is just a pretty picture. no funny story here.
This paella is for 2 people. crazy!! but yummers :)
By the gorgeous beach =)
the slurpee matches my dress!
Cocktails by the beach.
aw i really like this picture.
My favourite picture. this is beautiful!
Exhausted after parascending.
In my mind: oh shit oh shit OSHIT OSHIT OSHIT
I lay awake half the night before in pain because of my sunburnt body so i had to wear a cardigan to prevent further damage.
Scuba diving! okay first can i just say liz is like no other girl, she is COOL and GUNGHO. we went on single jetskis at first and being a chicken i went very slowly while she sped away racing strangers and we then went on a double jetski and she drove and i now have a butt bruise and two bruises on my face. from bouncing up and down and ramming my face into her shoulder blade.

i couldn't even scream. the water kept spraying into my face and rendered me blind and speechless and i was too busy clinging onto the machine and liz for dear life. she's DAMN cool. i don't know anyone else who would ride a jetski at full speed when they're partially blinded by water and being lifted up and down the seat by a terrified person behind them.

back onto scubadiving. funniest and most thrilling experience i've had so far. but i really like it.

I was terrified at first cause the instructor barely taught us anything in my opinion and when i tumbled into the water I found myself sinking and unable to surface cause my oxygen tank thing was weighing me down. Eventually groped my way to the surface and heard my instructor saying to another guy, "ah it's cause i put the weights in her life jacket, oops!" cause he forgot to inflate my life jacket before i went in HAHA funny now but i thought i was going to die. we got very vague instructions on how to use the mouthpiece as well so i thought i was going to be unable to breathe and well.. die.

I yelled LIZ!! and was planning to say okay let's screw this and just sit on the boat and go home, but according to her she had problems of her own so she ignored my cry for help HAHAHA. i eventually figured it out though and stuck my head underwater to try breathe and i distinctly remember feeling like i was looking into a fishtank with a magnifying glass, it was really pretty.

from then on all went well, i managed to control my breathing and kicked my way around feeling really happy(:

another funny story. i saw the turtle and i was like okay cool stuff, then my instructor let go of me to take pictures(he was holding on to my tank) and so i started kinda spinning out of control and looked like a complete fool trying to stay in the right position while shaking my fist at the man and so i lost sight of the turtle and when he grabbed hold of me again the turtle suddenly reappeared right in front of me- (this close, refer to picture below) which scared the crap out of me and i screamed into my mouthpiece and i swear it glared at me. liz on the other hand wouldn't stop trying to rape the turtle.

all in all, fun trip. am feeling sad now but.. ohwell! life goes on and now that i've penned this down i feel like i can carry on with my regular life tmr. off to school and volunteering in the afternoon!

oh and yes i am extremely burnt, liz peeled part of my face for me while we were waiting to check in and in the flight. the person sitting next to me disappeared after awhile, and we concluded it must be because we looked like lesbians, she must have thought liz was fondling my face or something.
see how miserable i am and how happy she is. nyeh!!

after scubadiving i found a text in my phone from a friend telling me my marks for a repro test and i did reasonably well so i was really happy. I just love feeling like the effort you put in gives results. it motivates me. i have to study hard and not get a resit please!!

okay. huayshan stop thinking abt tenerife, and BACK to normal life tmr!!!

thanks liz.

huayshan

whee!!

2010-03-29T05:23:00.002+08:00

hi ebery-bodee!

Lizbeth is coming tomorrow and we're going to tenerife the day after.

I have made bookings for jetskiing, parascending and scubadiving. dear office person please reply me and tell me that it's been confirmed!

i'm excited about laying by the sunny beach forgetting that i have a horrid 6 weeks that's going to be stressful lying ahead of me.

i've written a raw draft of my essay i'm pleased with myself!

now to go watch some glee.

more exciting post with (hopefully) many nice pictures when we're back!

huayshan

last day =(

2010-03-26T08:56:00.004+08:00

tmr's the last day of 2nd year!! :( sad. ill miss my dear tutorial group!!! all i did today was laugh and stare at the hot tutor and laugh and stare at the hot tutor.. and laugh etcetc. The tutor was saying this bicornuate or bi-something uterus is heart-shaped and this guy went awwwwwwww and it just set us off in hysterics it was HILARIOUS. tmr's our last session tgt =( omg and i rmb last year's last day. i was like THANK GOD i dont have to see these people anymore. moral of story- BE NICE to everyone my friends.

first day of volunteering today and it was fun! (surprisingly) i was posted to the neuro critical care unit and i was in charge of two scary looking phones with tons of buttons on them, and the intercom buzzer thing. It basically involved me answering the phone, ferrying relatives to and fro, figuring out which bed to bring them to, hunting down nurses whose wives kept ringing etcetc. it was quite an experience *wipes sweat* the one thing that really struck me was that people are really patient. at one point both the phone and the buzzer rang and it took me awhile to transfer the call and to locate the patient the relative was looking for and to get to the door to let the relative in it must have taken me a good 10 mins. I was like.. if i were on the phone waiting i would have hung up and if i were the relative i would sneak into the ward as the cafeteria people came in but no... everybody was patient and nice!

pissed a few nurses off though.. heh. and on my first day. i asked too many qns. i panicked everytime someone asked for somebody and i couldnt find that person's name on the log. i ran around like a lost moomoo. but sorry, that was inevitable and im learning more names now so it's not too bad. =)

ok off to zzzzzz. tired!!!!

huayshan

shznap.

2010-03-23T05:01:00.002+08:00

im afraid nothing major has been going on in my life =(

other than the fact that all my tests are over for now and that i have been lying in bed all day........

and i can do it's all about you on gary and it makes me so cheesily happy...

nothing. bo-----rrrriiinnggg.

sorry.

will update when my life decides to spice itself up. :)

huayshan

i am. a. walking. disaster.

2010-03-19T08:20:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone i have a valid excuse for being missing.

Let's begin shall we?

on monday, i cracked my laptop screen. how? by leaving my earphones on my keyboard and shutting my laptop. SHADDUP i always do that it's the first time it's done any damage to poor bambi! i was hysterical and i just got bambi back and yes, (i'm not usually a sucker for abbreviations but..) FML i'm 120 pounds poorer.

on tuesday, I woke up to my gp mate calling me demanding where i was cause, uh the taxi and three nervous wrecks were waiting for me to get to our gp placement. why nervous? oh. cause i HAD A HISTORY TAKING EXAM that day! once again, cursed, (i never oversleep i'm not lying i swear, somehow i always wake up nowadays it's a matter of whether i choose to go back to sleep or not) and wailed about having to spend extra money on the cab fare NYEH. but all went well, got there, passed(whoo!!) and even got a peck on the cheek by a 69 year old man.

on wednesday, i burnt my very expensive medball dress. yes the gorgeous white one. lauren wanted to borrow it and i was trying to be nice and i held an iron near my dress hoping the steam would straighten the creases, but all that happened was that i melted a hole in my dress.

ran wailing to jima who had trouble keeping a straight face.

came back today relieved that the day had gone without me doing anything retarded, only to find three very frustrated housemates in the kitchen fiddling with the (spoilt) washing machine. Muttered the obligatory sympathetic "oh dears" and "can i helps" and was about to retreat to my room with my very awesome creamy salmon pasta when shimei suddenly asked me if i had put a lot of clothes in when i last used it. flashbacks ensued, and i think.. uh.. i AM the cause of the broken washing machine.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TMR im such a klutz this week!!!!

got a big test tmr though. will update more after!!=)

huayshan

No Room for Breathers

2010-03-16T18:25:00.002+08:00

Even though the bulk of the semester is over, there is still not much time for breathing.

I'm glad all the mid terms and events are over. At least now, I get to concentrate on finishing up the projects and revising for the finals. What a life. It disgusts me to think how my life has been centred around nothing but school. Even when I have some time to myself (which is so hard to come by sometimes), the first thing that pops in my mind is whether this or that has been done for some project or some revision. Yes, I do have rugby and other things but I just don't like how I can't just leave my work at the door sometimes.

Speaking of which, I'm so glad for weekends. Weekends are seriously my sanctuary. Touch every Saturday simply makes my day cos I get to hang out with the craziest yet greatest bunch. I like how we have random outings and cravings. Just this weekend we headed down to Melben to eat our favourite 3 dishes: crab bee hoon, chilli crab and butter crab. Yes, we do order that much but honestly, there are 6 of us and it doesn't come down to a lot once we split it up (yeah right). After a satisfying meal, we spotted durian and guess what? We couldn't resist. Ended up buying 2 packets home for the family. It was pure bliss. I can't wait to try durian with ice cream next (yes, seriously!). It's little things like these that make the weekends all the better!

Alright, can't wait for another weekend!

MAR

eep!

2010-03-12T01:55:00.002+08:00

it's been a week. i have been laazzzyyy.

nothing much's been happening i've been REAL boring.

oh i cooked creamy salmon pasta!!!!! AMAZING.

lots of work. as always.

lots of rubbish going on in school and with jima and erica as usual.

erica and i spent half an hour last night in hysterics over bao ching tian.

I GOT A CAPO FOR GARY!!! finally!!! =) no more using markers and rubberbands.

i'm happy otherwise.

am getting to know this medic from my old tutorial group last year and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside cause it's hard to make close friends in uni, esp in 2nd year. it is.

i've not been running for a week. sorryyy lazyyyy =(

if anyone is bored go read pro-ana blogs. google pro-ana. there are tons of them out there. these crazy girls trying to get their bmi down to 13 and sharing ways of losing weight and hiding their anorexia from their family and friends. im sorry, if you're 170 cm tall and 41 kg heavy you have to be nuts to think you're fat.

i am trying to cut down on certain things to make up for not running regularly so i've stopped eating chocolates during uh all the lectures(saves $$ also!!) and i only eat dessert every so often. i do not stuff my mouth with cheesecake everyday anymore.

hehehe.

okay that's enough rubbishing from me.

oh i'm going to tenerife with elizabeth in easter! i can't wait to just CHILL on the beach((((:

huayshan

lazyyy

2010-03-05T02:17:00.003+08:00

to run or not to run.. that is the question.

dont mean to piss anyone off but i think thin people have it hard too. i'm gradually bloating up nyeh and i have to struggle to maintain a presentable figure. and when thin people put on weight it's more obvious. NYEH.

i'm doing my literature in medicine essay on anorexia. the title is:

With regards to two forms of literature, discuss the methods used to portray the psychological aspects of anorexia in young girls.

I came up with that myself. it's a bit twisted ah, may have to edit it.

i ate an egg,two slices of bread and melted cheese, baked beans,broccoli and bacon just now. and two massive cups of icecream and maltesers.

what can i say, i love my food (((:

but there's a price to pay sigh.

time to go a run-run!

it's hard to drag my ass out but once i'm out there it feels better.

off i go then!!

huayshan

A good day.

2010-03-03T06:40:00.003+08:00

Today was an example of one of those days that you have that makes you feel like you can become a changed person. A better person.

Didn't start out promising, nono. Couldn't sleep, somehow started thinking about summer exams, got stressed cause started imagining having multiple resits.

Woke up with massive headache, car ride there made me even more ill, i get carsick here damnit!

But placement today was alright, we did all sorts of clinical examination stuff that involved lots of whacking with the tendon hammer, limb twisting and silly questionnaires-there was this one that indicated that i have a borderline dementia, just cause i didnt know the date and which roads were nearby nyeh -_-

Anyway, it was good fun cause as always, my gp group is fun stuff and today we were exceptionally crappy. and as everyone knows i am a talented crapper.

When i got back, feeling nauseous and pukey i felt like just moping the day away, but NO! i told myself to stop being a pig and went for a nice run and did some pushups and situps and that thing where you wave your legs in the air while lying down VERY THE PAINFUL!!!

then i came back and without turning on my laptop, finally got through a lecture i've been leaving half done for ages! i still have millions of half finished lectures but im glad i've done this one =)

So now am going to watch one episode of psych(BEST SHOW IN THE WORLD, my kind of humour) and have a ham,cheese and egg sandwich-- and waste my workout =( but hungry la!!

and try my best to make today a regular thing.

so worried abt how im going to study during the 6 week break!

two things from today from said crappy gp group that i couldn't stop laughing at:

-yea he's just a friend who's in my tutorial group and licks me when he's drunk.

-doctor sands, how many times can we hit the patient?

sandwich timeee!

huayshan

FUNFACTS

2010-02-27T05:18:00.002+08:00

funfact #1

I dropped my phone into the toilet bowl today. score!

funfact #2

I got scolded by the printing lady for printing cookie recipes instead of course work.

funfact #3

I found a strand of hair tangled around the cerebellum when i was poking specimens of the brain today.

funfact #4

I pulled the hair out and started giggling.

nah that's it.

byeee!

huayshan

LIESEL KNOCKED A GUY DOWN????!!

2010-02-25T07:15:00.002+08:00

what is that about, liesel!!??

haha this week's been chilled out

i only had one lesson form 12 to 1pm today

say it with me

AWESOME.

but im bracing myself for next week

cause from then on it all goes

dooowwwnnhillll.

there's nothing really interesting going on

i want to buy

A BLENDERRRRR

to make my own milkshakes

this shop in town

sells milkshakes where you can choose

which chocolate u want in it

and i love the malteser milkshake

but its 2 pounds, crazy!!

solution: make my own.

i also want cookies.

i am a cookie monster i swear.

and ive been lazy lately

havent run for 10 days

no motivation =(((

oh and i finally got my name badge changed!!

it now says

Huayshan Yuen

with the huayshan stuck together.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

huayshan

gary makes me happyyyyy(:

2010-02-20T04:27:00.005+08:00

i know i shouldn't be wasting time, but. WHEE! if you know the lyrics to taylor swift's my song then you can kinda sing along to it, it's kinda the first verse and chorus. =)))

my mom says the temple says i cant drive this year -_-

seriously very -_-.

huayshan

A tale of two men.

2010-02-18T07:34:00.007+08:00

I had a gobad day at my gp placement yesterday.

gobad= good and bad.

and i'm still not feeling too good about it, i wince and start feeling very demoralised when i think about it but i'm trying to make myself toughen up.

So what happened was!---

While the others saw patients at the clinic, I went for a home visit and visited a man with lung cancer in his house. I was supposed to take a patient history and leave but once I got talking to the man, I lost track of time and I came back very late, and everyone had done up their notes for the presentation, so i rushed through mine and messed up and got a very unencouraging response from the gp. not scolding per se, more of him complimenting everyone but me and asking everyone if they found something wrong in my presentation as well.

p/s i think i could have done a better job if i had more time but now i'm anxious that no matter how much time i have i will be useless cause my gp is always ALWAYS picking on me!! worst part is that in a way i know it's my fault i dont know what's wrong with me sometimes, i know i can do better but i dont. why!!!!

that got me down a lot, cause i felt stupid all over again and worried cause we have an exam on taking patient histories. i came back and did a little sobbing and then started studying for a test.

But I was feeling all weepy again just now when i started thinking about the patient i talked to that day. It was really nice talking to him and he was talking about how he cant get out of the house so he just reads the paper and sleep all day and his wife clearly dotes on him which he feels guilty about but which i find immensely heartwarming.

At the end of our conversation I asked him if he had any advice for me(no i wasn't being stupid, it was one of the qns we were supposed to ask) and after telling me to stop eating italian food cause it's too rich-- what is he on about???? (we spent about 5 mins arguing about how awesome/not awesome italian food was when we were talking about his diet) he said that the most important things in life are to 1) love what you do, and 2) Have a sense of humour.

I felt a bit sad about leaving him to go back to the clinic but that's just me being foolishly sappy as i always am, and well i kinda forgot about what he said when i got back cause i got caught up in my lack of intellect and all.

But it's true! i tried making a joke out of my troubles- ok not really troubles, but the things that are bothering me- and it does make me feel better. i'm still wary that i have a lot of things to improve on but it's good to be able to laugh at myself as well. So right now i'm chuckling at the look on my gp's face as he tried to put me down gently cause he really isn't a mean person he just seriously lacks people skills, this i have come to conclude after seeing him with patients and the nurses. And to be perfectly honest I think it's hilarious that yesterday i was wailing in my room about being lousy and jima was wailing next door because her sisters were being twats. i was struggling to cry and eavesdrop at the same time. not easy you know.

BUT im fine. dont worry about me!!!! =))

one more thing after seeing all the 21st birthday things on fb i really want to have one of my own will u guys come?? no need for presents, and i'll buy the cake. i'm still deciding between separate dinners or a combined one but i def want to do something(:

huayshan

Odd Discoveries

2010-02-14T16:32:00.001+08:00

It's that time of the year again, where we visit relatives, stuff ourselves silly and receive red packets. Although it isn't my favourite holiday of the year, one thing I do like about it is catching up with family. But this year, things are made worse as I have to prepare for a readings and math heavy mid term, a day after I return to school.

Perhaps it's time to take a leap of faith and just go for it. But I am lazy. The festive mood has kicked in and the last thing I want is to be stuck at home reading math formula after math formula, analyzing graph after graph and absorbing chunks of theory. What I really want is to take a break from my hectic everyday life and just curl up in bed reading Joan Didion or look for beautiful photography shots online, like the one above. I really wish I was that happy or carefree right now. What a downer.

On the bright side, aside from finding beautiful new songs (I realise I'm into deep, sad songs right now), I also found new features on Picasa that I really wanted. I feel it's so much easier to organize photos with the new facial tagging feature - what the iPhoto has. Since I can't get a mac anytime soon, I might as well make the most of Picasa. I reckon it's the perfect organizational tool for neat freaks.

Alright, it's about time I tried to make sense of those graphs and math formulae.

Happy new year!

Mar