ahh.

hello,fellow humans,i'm back in sunny singapore.

it's funny how people never seem to really appreciate their family. everyone loves their pets, their ccas, their friends, their other halves. i've been guilty of that too. i've always been raving and ranting about how my cca and my friends mean so much to me.

they do. really. i would be lost, and hopelessly unhappy without my friends and my cca. when i went home i found myself lost. again. confused between the two different worlds that i have to adapt to. when i return to singapore i have to be tough during training, gila-gila to my pals and enthusiastic abt school activities. it's not that i'm forcing myself, i do love being mad and toughy-woughy. but when i go home, i forget all about that and i simply bask in the love offered to me and let go of all the emotions i've been holding in to stay strong in singapore. i know my mother did everything humanly possible to make my holiday an enjoyable one,even at the expense of her own comfort- she who works thrice as hard as me and who is twice as worn out as me. i never talk to her about my "important" problems, like my concerns with my cca. i'm just so frank when i'm with her. i express my worries abt the future, i start being all retarded by farting in front of her.. and in turn i try to listen to all that she wants to say too. i loved it that she kept asking, you happy? i felt like she was some genie,granting all my wishes. i said i felt like eating spaghetti, and before i knew it i was in a supermarket arguing with her over the pasta type.

sometimes i see people that are so perfect. people that excel in everything. people whose shoes others would die to get into. i get envious for awhile,i do. then i start thinking about what it would be like if i swapped places with them. then i envision a different life. a life without my brother. he knows practically nothing about my life other than the cold hard facts like my cca and grades. he hardly talks to me. he hardly sees me. but life without him is alien, empty, frightening. he's the only person in this world that truly thinks i'm wonderful, that i'm important, that life without me is unimaginable. ok he better be thinking that, i'm no mind reader. he understands everything and when i talk,he listens no matter how boring i am. in short, he loves me. his love isn't the "i'll-call-you-everyday","i'll send you flowers", kind of love. it's the kind of love that lets me know that no matter what happens to me, no matter how ugly or stupid i may end up to be, he'll be by my side, and he'll always think i'm beautiful and smart(duh hehh). so i do admire a lot of people. idolise them. but swap lives with them? nahhh i don't think so.

i'm back in singapore so i'm going to revert back to my gila gila nutty tough self. back to being a JC girl, one whose studies,cca and friends mean the world to her.