boohoo.

ah.

i'm not going to pretend i'm happy to be out. it hasn't really been affecting me much yet, and i hope that things remain this way. in a way i am prepared to embrace the whole lot of spare time i'm going to have on my hands, i can't remember the last time i went back and the sun was still shining! and of course, one can never have too much time to study. when i came back and saw my position tag- 72, i felt a bitter sense of satisfaction. i'm proud of my position but i know some may think it's not good enough. actually when i think about it, the only thing that hurts me is my damaged ego and of course my dear pals who know how important they are to me during training,yea ms julia-bosola-cardinal? yes it sucks to feel inferior, to be told you're not good enough because you can't run(honestly,*#@#*) haha but i've gotten over my initial annoyance. i'm more sorry for junkia, i think among all of us, he deserves to be in the most. but i'm really enjoying my free-er schedule, and i'm really happy i still get to train when i want to.

i'm downright worried for my studies too. seriously i feel like i'm on holiday now cause i've never been so free and liberated ever since i joined my mad cca. but it just hit me that i have lots to catch up on. but im glad my journey ends here. i really don't know how much more i can take. euniSER, let me know how training goes as time goes by k. dont fret too much bout being behind, of course you can do it. i mean, like duh:)

ah.

i miss my brother pretty much. and he doesn't know it too. sigh. went over to his place last night to get my lit assignment and i felt so peaceful and happy just sitting across him. watching him attack his books fervently. hearing his orders, his snoring in the morning, eating with him. and he has a way of being able to relate to me despite the 6 year gap. in a way i know that he understands what i'm going through and he acknowledges that some issues that my parents find trivial are in reality really important to me. even though he thinks i'm being melodramatic he shuts his gap and nods sympathetically. argh, i'ld really give anything to go back to my childhood days. i'ld appreciate living with him more. i don't think i'll ever get to stay in the same house as him for more than a week for as long as i live. and that's something that really sucks.

anyway.thanks to all those who've been a friend to me. yea even those who come up with weird suggestions like being a goalie huh liz? and a shoutout to lina who's been a total sweetie with my mp3! though i can only play 9 songs. -_- okay. all the best for ct guys, haha frankly i've yet to figure out how i'm gonna keep my scholarship officers off my back but hang in there lah k. takecare.