A tale of two men.

I had a gobad day at my gp placement yesterday.

gobad= good and bad.

and i'm still not feeling too good about it, i wince and start feeling very demoralised when i think about it but i'm trying to make myself toughen up.

So what happened was!---

While the others saw patients at the clinic, I went for a home visit and visited a man with lung cancer in his house. I was supposed to take a patient history and leave but once I got talking to the man, I lost track of time and I came back very late, and everyone had done up their notes for the presentation, so i rushed through mine and messed up and got a very unencouraging response from the gp. not scolding per se, more of him complimenting everyone but me and asking everyone if they found something wrong in my presentation as well.

p/s i think i could have done a better job if i had more time but now i'm anxious that no matter how much time i have i will be useless cause my gp is always ALWAYS picking on me!! worst part is that in a way i know it's my fault i dont know what's wrong with me sometimes, i know i can do better but i dont. why!!!!

that got me down a lot, cause i felt stupid all over again and worried cause we have an exam on taking patient histories. i came back and did a little sobbing and then started studying for a test.

But I was feeling all weepy again just now when i started thinking about the patient i talked to that day. It was really nice talking to him and he was talking about how he cant get out of the house so he just reads the paper and sleep all day and his wife clearly dotes on him which he feels guilty about but which i find immensely heartwarming.

At the end of our conversation I asked him if he had any advice for me(no i wasn't being stupid, it was one of the qns we were supposed to ask) and after telling me to stop eating italian food cause it's too rich-- what is he on about???? (we spent about 5 mins arguing about how awesome/not awesome italian food was when we were talking about his diet) he said that the most important things in life are to 1) love what you do, and 2) Have a sense of humour.

I felt a bit sad about leaving him to go back to the clinic but that's just me being foolishly sappy as i always am, and well i kinda forgot about what he said when i got back cause i got caught up in my lack of intellect and all.

But it's true! i tried making a joke out of my troubles- ok not really troubles, but the things that are bothering me- and it does make me feel better. i'm still wary that i have a lot of things to improve on but it's good to be able to laugh at myself as well. So right now i'm chuckling at the look on my gp's face as he tried to put me down gently cause he really isn't a mean person he just seriously lacks people skills, this i have come to conclude after seeing him with patients and the nurses. And to be perfectly honest I think it's hilarious that yesterday i was wailing in my room about being lousy and jima was wailing next door because her sisters were being twats. i was struggling to cry and eavesdrop at the same time. not easy you know.

BUT im fine. dont worry about me!!!! =))

one more thing after seeing all the 21st birthday things on fb i really want to have one of my own will u guys come?? no need for presents, and i'll buy the cake. i'm still deciding between separate dinners or a combined one but i def want to do something(:

huayshan