about food?

Not to be obsessive or anything, but I think this place may be my food diary for a bit- for the past week, everytime I go on skype the first thing my mom(and bro who is home for a bit) says is OMG SO FAT YOUR FACE!!

it started off being funny but now it's really starting to get to me. I don't think I'm upset per se, i think what REALLY bugs me is the fact that being called fat is a blow to my ego- i've always lived under the assumption that when people look at me they see a skinny twig but I think over the years I've become an average sized person- which isn't bad, no! but I'm the kind of person that needs some leeway with everything- I can't start an essay one day before the deadline and I can't start studying a new chapter one day before the exam, I need to finish things a few days in advance or i'll feel extremely paranoid and insecure. I also can't have anything planned on the day of important events like prom or medball- I need to know that I have time to re-curl my hair or remove my makeup if I mess either up. So let's go back my little ones, if we apply this mentality of mine to the whole weight situation, it all comes down to me liking to know that I have room to expand into- I like knowing that I can afford to put on a couple of pounds, it's comforting you know?

I've definitely been making more of an effort lately- I eat slowly, I don't eat two dinners and I've been exercising everyday- I've had a few 1 hour slow jogs which were quite nice and easy but I tried doing kinda like a sprint-jog-sprint-jog regime yesterday and I almost died 10 mins after, it's flippin' difficult!!! Maybe I should do that more often, I don't think you really burn calories when it's too easy. But i like my long easy runs!!

I apologise in advance for being a proper annoying skinny b**** but it's just the way I feel and it's really all about me feeling good about myself- I feel a lot better after working out a bit more and putting a halt to my previously monstrous eating habits. Looking back ah... I was a bit mad ah!! I remember eating to impress- like I'ld be full but continue stuffing my face so people will be impressed by my eating capacity hahaha. Also, I think it helped that I was in sports teams cause I was forced to work out. Ah..... I think that's probably why I'm pudging up now... no sports. That makes sense. I'll join the kung fu club next term.

Also... been developing another new hobby- looking at recipes!!!! makes me really happy. I'm trying carrot cake tomorrow, and a tortilla lasagne, they both look amazing (:

(in case anyone is interested, I made beef stew yesterday and have been having it with boiled egg noodles, super delish! I put beef, garlic, onions, carrots, potatoes and a tin of tomatoes in it and it was surprisingly tasty yayyy(: )

bye!!

huay shan