About humility

It's been a crazy hectic day- I've been stressing about this presentation that I've worked on for weeks- and today was the day we present. I was really hoping to get selected to present at Grand Rounds in front of all the doctors and other students but.... I didn't :(

Which really made me sad cause I think I put in an absurd amount of effort- and to be honest I've been a bit complacent- during regular presentations people generally respond quite positively and I'm convinced my GP tutor kinda adores me because he keeps telling me that I'm a natural at presenting. And I beg your pardon for the lack of humility but I really thought I was quite decent too cause I always put a lot of work into it and I'm quite comfy with what I'm talking about.

But today made me realise I'm not all that and after being consoled by a guy in my firm who I really like (and it made me even more upset cause he was going to be in the hospital i was posted to but I stupidly switched to Hereford) I came to the conclusion that I did not deserve to win anyway. Cause I realise that I always choose to do things that I know I can do well. People did their presentations on complicated shit like beta-thalassaemia and I did mine on nutrition. I need to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I'm not sure I'll succeed at. for once.

I needed this jerk anyway, I've been way too content with myself for the past few months. Reminder that I have a long way to go before I can stop working hard. Have another presentation tmr so am gonna try to make it as good as i can- i think i might actually cry if it turns out badly.

but i'm okay (:

huayshan