about me being mean

i feel really uneasy when some people in my firm keep complaining about how nobody gives us any teaching or how we are always in the way- they leave once teaching is over and if we have no teaching they go home, and we only need to take 3 bloods this term so they're only taking 3..

for the record i like these people i just feel very confused by their behaviour.

thing is i'm motivated by terror- i'm very keen when it comes to clinical skills and going around getting teaching from anyone who is willing to teach (and trust me, if you persist enough your efforts will pay off- i think all the nice doctors kinda cluster together, once u find one they refer you to another and then you get referred again and again.. u get the idea)- i'm constantly paralysed with terror of not being good enough in the future. i know i'm making myself look like a noble person, but i swear i'm not. i am a selfish bitch that hides things from people so i can do everything myself and i don't share food. Unrelated but i get angry when people take my food. like unreasonably angry.

But my point is i'm always scared of not being able to function when i graduate- and i just dont understand how some people can just waltz around not worrying about it- i'm sorry for harping on bloods, but take that for example, wouldn't you want to do as many as u can so that in future you can take blood from any patient? cause mind you, some people have veins that like playing hide and seek. Not scared meh???? only me?

Truth be told, i'm proud of myself. i think i've made an effort and i'm not the smartest of people and i don't know very much but i can bask in the fact that i've given it my best and if i end up as some lao ah pok doctor then i'm sorry, i'm just not cut out for it.

But seriously... NOT SCARED MEH????????

haih.

huayshan