About me going back to my good place.

I was really extremely upset last week, for no good reason too actually- but for some reason i spent the entire weekend either crying or feeling depressed. I think it all just hit me at the same time you know? But I went back on Monday feeling slightly more optimistic and the week went alright at first, nothing tooo bad happened and then THURSDAY CAME-- aka the day where consultant-who-made-me-cry was scheduled to teach us again. She told us to come prepared with a history so I was panicking all week struggling to take a good one, 2 of my patients backfired cause they were either too ill or too confused but in the end I got a good one.

I worked really hard on it, I practiced typing up other histories and sent them to my brother to be corrected and I spent awhile reading the patient's notes and reading about the condition (rectal prolapse, not nice)and it all paid off cause when I presented it back to her, she smiled at me and said it was excellent, she was pleased and that I had advanced from the previous week. I'm still scared of her but it feels so good to know that my work did pay off.

And i'm back to my happy place again, the place where I am in control of my feelings and myself. To be honest, I've been a bit out of whack for the past month,I've kinda been crushing on someone who's attached and I've been stressing out a lot as well about work and life in general- and i think i kinda let go of myself then, thinking it was alright to not be good sometimes- but truth is discipline is the one thing that keeps me sane. As I walked to the supermarket alone to buy food to treat myself after the teaching with the consultant, I started feeling a sense of inner peace, something I've not felt for quite awhile and I felt so happy. I've still got so much work I could cry and I'm still rubbish compared to others in hospital but..... I am back to being steady and I'm going to try to face any obstacles that come my way with a brave face and a strong heart. (:

also, one thing my brother said to me will ALWAYS stick with me- he asked, "Shan, throughout your life have you ever worked hard and not seen the results?"
Which is so true cause I'm always struggling to keep up at the beginning but the results do eventually show after I work hard. Owh, life is a bitch but it throws you a life jacket every so often so I'm going to do all I can to grab it.

i'm good again.

p/s can i buy another hollister shirt cause i did well? the one i bought last week is GORGE!!!

huay shan