just when i thought things were looking up, reality comes crashing down on me again.
i'm feeling all fucked up once again.
i'm really trying here. i'm trying so fucking hard. yet? it doesn't seem to pay off.

i know you're not given more than you can handle.
seriously, i don't think i'm doing a fantastic job at handling things.
and right now, i find it hard to believe because, i really doubt i can go on this way.
i'm really trying my utmost to articulate my emotions and take initiative.
but all i get is some fucking lame excuse or stupid replies, which just fuel my anger at myself and at the whole bloody situation.
i'm trying so fucking hard. so fucking hard.
i'm tired.
i have better things to worry and think about.

thanks a lot, for making my day oh-so-great. JUST when i thought things would get better. i was THIS close to feeling good all over again. THIS close.
saturday was a great night, i was immersed in the good ol' days.
maybe that's what i should do. forget.
yet, being the supermoron i am, i can't let go.
it'd be a waste of my 2 precious years if i do.
call me a moron, i admit it: i am.
a moron for hanging on and thinking there's still hope
well maybe there is, maybe there isn't.
it's up to you.
i fucking give up.
i'm tiredd, tired of trying, tired of taking initiative, tired of getting lame excuses.

pardon this entry, it's just some pent up anger that has been kept inside.
i'm just being an emo kid.
it'll blow over in time to come i hope.

thank you once again to my emo-partner (: you really make me feel a whole lot better and yes, i still want to take you up on that offer to kick some ass! aye you've really been such an awesome pal, who has stayed up countless nights listening to my rantings. you have no idea how much it's helped.

xoxo,
mar