feeling empty inside :S

I love listening to the psychiatrists talk cause what they say makes sense and actually sounds feasible- One thing that really hit me today was this:

Someone mentioned that sometimes taking anxiety away from chronically anxious patients isn't the answer cause if you take something away you leave a vacuum behind and that makes them feel vulnerable- and that completely explains how i feel sometimes- when I have something to worry about i feel worried yes but i feel okay, but when i have nothing to worry about i feel uneasy, like something's wrong or not right. ugh. dont like it. i feel a little empty now. ugh.

huayshan

about 3 in 1.

Been in sunny singapore for 2 days and it's been nice!

Started my attachment today and everyone was really nice to me and i really enjoyed my first day- felt a bit wishy-washy though and i'm extremely tired but i'll try my best to read up and be an active learner heh. i would go into greater detail but i'm really knackered and i've to get up early to go to the temple tomorrow. zzz

Anyways.. more pictures. From Amsterdam, Stratford-upon-Avon and my dinner with chongerie ( finally tried the multicoloured xiao long baos that i've been seeing on everybody's blog/facebook pictures!!)
Penis fountain in the sex museum haha
pretty tree in the flower gardens in Amsterdam!
Not in order, but this is the outside the sex museum haha it was reallly interesting!
My new pink shades that I got for myself as a souvenir in Amsterdam heh. This is in Stratford though. Shakespeare's house was way cool, did you know he knocked a girl called Anne Hathaway up at 18 and had a shotgun marriage, HAHA?? had kids too! twins and two more if i'm not mistaken.
Okay this is at the restaurant in Ion with the colourful xiao long baos. My hair looks decent here. Phew. It's growing.. I'm not too repulsed by myself anymore heh. But i still miss my long locks!!
YAY! i liked the cheesy, garlic and original one :)) don't like the foie gras one. YUCK.
Outside Shakespeare's house though you can't see it very well :(
Rowing, I was the best out of the 3 of us ha! learnt something from kayak after all. it's not as simple as it looks cause you have to coordinate both sides and the paddle keeps unhooking itself, it's hard to explain but it's really not easy. super tiring too!!
Last picture at Stratford, just by the nice grassy patches where people kinda chill. Was a good day. Okay. I'm really sleepyyyy.

Bye deborah :(

huay shan

about how i wish i still looked like this :'(

cycling along jordaan
Awesomely pretty tulips in the tulip garden!
Outside the Anne Frank House
Playing around in the tulip garden :) I love this picture!!
more gorgeous flowers

more pictures (more exciting ones.. eg. sex museum, pigeon that shat on me..) to come when I get the rest of the pictures!! (:

huayshan

about home!

*edit* shits im seriously butt ugly now. im embarrased to be seen in public. my mother says this is the best time to get someone to fall in love with me, cause if he does he loves me for who i am and not for the way i look -_-''' i am THAT grotesque looking sighhh :(( it's long hair after this. back to wavy locks!!!

I'm severely jet lagged. I used to think jet lag was a myth, tired=sleep in my opinion but uh, i'm wrong. i was crazily knackered yesterday cause i couldn't sleep on my flight(massive turbulence, the plane kept dipping and shaking from side to side, drinks spilled, my croissant did a little dance, but i wasn't scared at all i actually enjoy the occasional turbulent plane ride-but this was too much, i was starving and my food kept bouncing around! the person beside me looked at me funny which ticked me off so i was like um i beg your pardon but i'm really hungry!!!) anyway, so yesterday i konked out at 1am cause my parents insisted on driving around haha, and got up at 12noon, NICE. went for a run and ummm puked after cause it's soooo humid here, i couldn't breathe after either!!! i'm okay now. haha!

Got up at 6am today. Grrrrrrrrr. HATE jet lag!

I love bumbling around my kitchen looking for the yummies.. just put a ba zhang in the rice cooker to steam. slightly concerned cause it's a bit blue but i think that's just the way it's meant to look.

Moving on to a couple more things that have been of significance since my departure to Birmingham:

5. Meeting Erica

Got to know her better in 2nd year- and she's kinda like a milder, nicer, prettier and more demure version of me- she's the one i come home and tell everything to, she knows all my dirty little secrets and all the crazy thoughts that go on in my head haha. it's nice having that someone to come home to and that you know will listen to you if you're upset.

6. Learning to cook

I really like cooking- and i personally think i'm awesome but tastes differ so.... haha but anyways it makes ME happy and that's really all that matters isn't it? I know now that spending a couple of hours grocery shopping + cooking can put my sorrows at bay and yes, it's nice having something to turn to when erica isn't at home. ha!

7. Cutting my hair short

Okay guys. I cut my hair again yesterday cause my dad said I look homeless and how dare I when he put a roof over my head- okay I exaggerate but my mom decided to drag me to her hairstylist and omg my hair is really awful now. Like I'm depressed cause next week at the hospital placement everyone is going to think I'm lesbian. Nice. *hair will grow, hair will grow...*

But besides that, I'm glad I took the plunge and got it out of my system!!

That's it for now..... I've been having a pretty nice time at home with a couple of things I'm not too pleased about- will elaborate on that another time. But i reckon it's just me finding something to worry about cause I get anxious when life goes too smoothly. eh. that's me.

huay shan

about YAYNESS!!

Yah, in case you haven't heard (my facebook wall is peppered with happiness over passing exams)... I've passed 3rd year and am officially a 4th year!! ngeeeee so happy! I was really anxious, it got to the point where I carried a toilet roll around with me so that everytime I had thoughts of failing I would touch it(touch wood you see).

I didn't do that great though I'm kinda average but at the lower end- which is bad cause I was doing reasonably well last year. But it's kinda my fault, I got complacent and slacked off this year. I'll work harder next year, that's a promise to myself!

Now that exams are done with there's SO much to look forward to!

1. Attachment in Singapore!!! (:

2. Seeing Deborah, Vanessa, Wan Yun, Petrina, Corrine, Mariannes, Lina (and plenty more)! Been talking to these guys even way before my results were out, not daring to make finalised plans but now it's all good:)

3. Long chats with mommy updating her about my life.

4. SHOPPING. mommy insists on buying me a new "smaller" laptop despite the fact that bambi is in the pink of health, and a new camera! :)) And I think she topped my bank account in Sg up!! whee!!!

5. Driving around and hanging around with my Malaysian friends. I've got 3 of them HAHA and I kinda really miss them, we still get on pretty well:)

I kinda mucked up today though.. I had a final presentation to do and I turned up in jeans and a collared top (feeling pleased with myself for putting in the effort), expecting only 1 examiner and found myself looking at 4 examiners and a room filled with people in formal attire. Ya brilliant right?? Keep getting myself into situations I swear. But as always, the key to a good presentation(in my very valid opinion) is confidence. I didn't know what I was talking about but I did plenty of hand gestures and maintained eye contact and I think I scraped through. Oh, also I never NEVER fluff/lie when people ask me questions about my presentations. If I don't know I'll be like.. uh I don't know, *sheepish grin*. I think it's better lor!!

I've actually gotta pack.. got distracted. haha aw i really am quite happy.. :)) I'm gonna spend next week chilling and reading up on stuff so I don't look stupid on the attachment. And I'm going to plan my elective!! Omg ok I'll write it here so I don't forget. Elective elective. And email Tslepsis. Okay.

OH OH and I went for my first kung fu lesson today!!! super fun! defo going regularly next term :))

alrights. goodnight, packing time!!

huay shan