Why Must Things Be So Complicated?

I think I'm going nuts.
I hate internal struggles, I hate how things are made so complicated.
Why can't we all just come together and be happy?
We are doing what we love after all.
This is driving me insane.
I really hope I made the right decision.
On one hand, I'm really scared that I'm pissing people off but is it really wrong for me to do what I really and truly want?
Decisions, complications and politics.
The perfect combination for disaster.

Thanks to those who have lent a listening ear, I just hope it all blows over soon and we can go back to the way things were. I don't want to get involved. I don't want to know. I just wanna do what I love. Period. Please leave me out of this and please leave me alone. Don't force me to a point that I have to give up what I love. Please.

MAR

It's Been A While

Yes, it's been a while since I've been here, ages in fact.
Well, it's the festive season once again. Amazing how time flies. I cannot believe that January is coming to an end already, feels so short.
So far, things have been going well. Finally worked some stuff out, made a great new friend and caught up with the usual gang (: The only thing that can be better is work. I have stats tomorrow and I haven't been able to do my tutorial cos Vista's down. Great. And there's a quiz tomorrow. Ugh. What a way to be back in school :/
Anyway, the past few days have been great! Catching up with the family and some others have been good! I like the fact that we can talk even though we haven't seen each other in ages! I guess that's what family's for aye? Makes me feel really thankful.
I've been addicted to How I Met Your Mother and Private Practice. Awesome shows by the way. Even though How I Met Your Mother is supposed to be a comedy, I think what the friends in that show share is very sweet. I am thankful that I do have such friends around, the kind that stick with you through thick and thin and the ones that you are just able to pour your heart and soul out to. Or how Jen puts it, the kind that you can just lie beside and talk to. I am really thankful for that and it just took a few people to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (: I'm so lucky to have such sweet friends around. Those willing to stay up till late to help with my essay and those who have been constantly there, listening to me. I'm really very blessed. So thank you to each and every one of you, for being who you are (:
Alright, guess it's time to go back to Private Practice and attempt to do some stats before tomorrow.
Have a good CNY!

xoxo
MAR

taking a break. a long one. ok fine i'm just being lazy.

been "taking a break" for three hours. i LOVE MYSELF! -_-

IP that day was fine. its basically a PBL(problem based learning) day and we spend the morning discussing a case and researching stuff and we do presentations in the afternoon bloody waste time and strength. but i got into a pretty nice group this week and we were assigned an interesting topic- how to diagnose a person with Alzheimers. My groupmate did the test on me and somehow it showed that I have a mild form of dementia. funny. haha.

am doing an essay now. haiyah..... sian. it's 5.17pm and it's pitch black outside. i love the weekends though. walk around in my pyjamas and it's damn paisei but i dont care. i wanted to borrow a book from my friend who stays in the next block which is 10 seconds away so i went out in my fbts and vj pe shirt and my pink bedroom slippers and my hair.. oh god my hair.. just think of how i do my hair during sleepovers. and i knocked on what i THOUGHT was my friend's window(he stays on the bottom floor) and his other flatmate drew the curtains and stared at me omg super embarrassing. apologised, hopped to the next window and got my book and ran back to the safety of my room.

so i'm here sigh with a pile of work and no friends to complain to cause everyone's gone for the cny dinner and the non-asian either are doing their work or talk too much when i just want to talk for awhile(i love jima but sometimes i just want to burp in her face and run away instead of burping in her face and listening to her squeal about how disgusting i am which leads to a conversation on how im wearing the same thing, have i bathed? which leads to a story about how she used to bathe in the same tub as her sisters...... hahaha.)

okay im off to do a poo-poo. then continue on my essay. byebye happy cny :)

huay shan

the most exciting thing that's happened to me for the past few days is:

BEN AND JERRYS is selling for 5 pounds for two tubs! in singapore, it's what- 12 dollars per tub? now that the exchange rate is 2.1, it means it's about 10 dollars for two tubs. do the math, it means it's friggin 5 dollars per tub i am saving 7 dollars per tub!! thank you oh Lord for allowing me to feel guilt-less for once when i whip out my wallet here. i have two tubs of cookie dough sitting in my freezer now. :)

i am swamped with work. anatomy is my life. anatomy's like this bunch of sessions where you have to prepare the worksheets given( i have a massive black file which is about the size of one packet of rice(okay.. exaggerating but only a little!) that is packed with anatomy worksheets) and go through them during the sessions. and mind you ah, i know NOTHING about these worksheets i have to read through the topic myself and try my best to write something down. most of the time i end up copying answers i dont understand from the textbook, which is larger than my black file. about 5-20 pages per worksheet. depends on my luck.

so i have three worksheets to prepare for monday(this term is madness usually the most i have is one worksheet per day), one on tuesday, and oh yeah, one for this friday. and i have other random things to worry about like how i just realised i messed up some bank stuff my dad asked me to do- instead of selecting the option to put the interest in after 6 months, i opted to put the interest in monthly- and my dad will of course thump his chest and scream my ears away about how incompetent a nincompoop i am. hoping to try to fix it but not sure if im allowed to but ohwells, life life..

so thats me. i know i have lots of emails and msges to reply :( marianne esp im sorry uve been such a loyal updater. :)

chinese new year's coming! but im not going for any events- i want to save money so i can spend with elise in london. oh ya, GUYS i'm visiting elise on the 6th to 8th of feb! also want to finish up my work. i can proudly say that i AM more hardworking this term. still got TONS to catch up on but i am better. =D

i'm ok here.. almost reaching my equlibrium point( WINK, vanessa) just a few glitches to fix. and i'm doing as liz says- socialising when i WANT TO not when i feel like i have to. sigh was talking to clara and we both agreed that at the end of 5 years we'ld end up friendless. and well..smart. hahahaha. things are getting boring as the days go by but stability is good and comforting. heh.

i'm going to read a bit more now and get my ben and jerrys out. tmr i have IP :( boo. i hate IP. it's just some stupid thing. i'll talk about it another time. just know for now that i HATE IP.

a hug.

shan

Oh Well...

I just came back from a nice night out with Zee. However, aside from the great company and food, I'm afraid the good part ends there.
After watching Seven Pounds and reading A Child Called It, I feel utterly terrible. I think I've had enough of depressing things for the day. I cannot believe how someone can be so cruel to her own flesh and blood. I cannot imagine the burden one can carry as a result of sadness and guilt. Our world is filled with such sadness that I really cannot fathom. I think I'm really lucky and sheltered to not be exposed to such tragedies. The images from A Child Called It is haunting me and I really cannot bear to read on for the torture is far too great. I don't know how he managed to survive it if I can't even bear to read on!
I guess on a brighter note, the week was pretty alright. Good and bad I guess. Good because I made a nice new friend, who definitely will make lessons better and, I tried out handball, which I really enjoy! Bad because the work just keeps coming, bad news keeps coming and there are tough decisions to make.
Thank God for the weekend, time to rest up, recharge, think things over and clear work before yet another week of mayhem begins. At least there's next weekend to look forward to! Aside from the holidays, it's gonna be a great Saturday and people coming back.
I hope I survive this week.

MAR

beef cannelloni

is my best friend. i have cravings almost every few hours and i seriously am scared i'm going to get a disease from eating too much microwaved food. sigh.

HELLO! it's been long i know, sorry! ok here goes. been a rather relaxing week. tons of work this term and i'm worried. k, here's an update:

1)my test went badly. i will fail.

2) been worrying lately that i can't get to year2. its scary it really is.

3)my future housemates(i shall call us the 5 of us in future yes.) had a surprise birthday celebration(small one) for me.

4)i felt very sad and homesick at first but i've fully recovered.

5) i bought my first pair of boots!!!!

let's start...


1)&2) - this one really bohpian. i've been slightly more hardworking so far, done most of my anatomy(just copy from book i dont understand one) but sigh.. will try to pick up the pace.

3) this one was VERY unexpected. they took a huge risk hahaha. mostly done by jima but i was touched the others sacrificed their evening to hang out with me. i came back at 6 after shopping for boots(and mind you, i was THIS close to sticking around and shopping some more) and edward calls me and screams, shan! where are you jima is searching for u!! and i go, ok and i text jima and she sends this frantic COME TO DINNER message, to which i say, I DONT WANT IM NOT HUNGRY. then before i know it she's back and i pop out to say hi and she says hey, wanna go watch a film in sangeeth's room? and i was like ok lah. so down we go and along the way shimei sangeeth and erica appear and we walk walk walk and jima suddenly runs forward and opens a taxi door. i go.. ???? in short, we went to a pantomine(robin hood) and it was SO GOOD!!!! pantomines are really sth different. its like theatre, just that the actors speak to the audience. few rules i learnt:

a)when the baddie comes out, everyone boos. even during the bowing sessions. i really did feel quite bad for the poor bearded dude.

b)of course when the good guy comes out everyone cheers. birmingham ppl are damn on.when robin hood first came out everyone screamed like siao. even jima was like, but he hasn't done anything yet!

c)when the actors go, no it isn't, the audience goes, yes it is! like when the bad guy is behind and the actor asks is the bad guy anywhere nearby? we go yes he is! and the actors go no he isnt! felt like throwing a water bottle at them.

d)follow instructions-at one point an actor taught us some responses-when he said hiya team! we have to scream, hiya will! haha had fun yelling my lungs out.

the funniest part was this ventriloquist act they incorporated into the pantomine. the puppet was like, hello everybody up there!(i was at the top circle) and we were like hello!! and the puppet went, you alright? we went yeah..... and the puppet was like, JUMP!! hahahaa i laughed until i almost cried i swear.

4)when i first arrived i kinda felt like i had to adjust again, and for a few days i felt like i couldn't talk to even my closest friends. but now it's all good again. :)

5)my boots! haha was hunting high and low and was about to give up when i walked into miss selfridge and picked up a pair that happened to be in my size and in the design i wanted!!!! i wanted grey but there were only two pairs of black left. for guess.. 7 POUNDS! cherlyn ho, i beat you. haaha was really tempted to buy the other pair left for u but i wasnt sure of your size :(

nice, no?

okay that's all for now. im quite tired and i have another lecture in 3 hours. hug!

huayshan

Getting There

Although it's only the first week of school, the work has already started piling up. That's a sure sign of the holidays really ending. I've enjoyed my holidays very much and only wish they'd last longer.
Thankfully though, despite the pile of work yet to be completed, things have started looking up! Even though things aren't great due to the endless work that seems to be flowing in, I think we're getting there! Trainings are great so far and that makes me happy. Although I'm still scared before trainings, I feel like I'm learning a lot and that's a good thing. I hope things stay this way and that we play well too.
School has been a bore but I'm glad for the new found friends, who have been no less than great! Just hope we'll help each other get through this coming 14 weeks of hell. Nevertheless, I'm always glad for the same few people who have been there all the time. What would I do without all you people? Thank you, for making school more bearable and giving me something to look forward after a long day/week at school.
I can't believe I'm turning 20 this year. It all seems too soon. I guess it's okay as long as I remain young at heart (:
Alright, time to start doing work or they'll never get done.

xoxo
MAR

what blind fools we were!

i'm leaving msia tonight and going back to bham tomorrow.

i feel really overwhelmed now and i need to tell everyone my story. it's silly how i've been hankering after love in the form of a tall dark handsome HOT guy when in fact, i've been in love all along! with my mama...

it's 2.30pm now and my mom just left for work- she finishes at 1030pm and my flight's at 830 so there's no way she can see me off- and basically it's the last time i'll be seeing her in 6 months. you know me right, have u seen me shed a tear when i was studying in singapore,have you seen me HOMESICK? i think i get singapore-sick more often. anyway, my mama is the kindest, loveliest mother in the world- she spends her free time buying me things i want: this is the huayshan-mama shopping style : take huayshan to nice gorgeous shops and say, buy anything u want, take your time! and then 1 hour later, at the counter mama pays up with a happy smile. i don't just love her cause of that okay im not a gold-digger. my mom listens to me and does everything she can to solve my problems(however silly they can be- once she got damn worried cause i was stressed about doing a presentation in front of the class) basically my problems=her problems.

i was saying bye to my mama in the carpark and i really felt like crying. and towards the end i couldn't help it lah, tiny droplets of tears welled up in my eyes. shiat. then i thought about why i was crying(cause guys, i don't fancy malaysia much) and i realised that i was afraid my mother would feel lonely and sad without me around and the thought of her being lonely and sad made ME sad. so much so i couldn't be bothered about the fun awaiting me at bham. now isn't THAT true love? when you put the happiness of someone before yours? the funny thing is my mom feels the exact same way. it's a vicious cycle- she's sad cause i'm sad and i'm sad cause she's sad. stupid, actually. (:

next time i blog i'll be back. so remember to look for love in other places ya. can be surprisingly overwhelming. if i can find a guy that i love as much as my mama i'ld say my life will be awesome. alright. be calling lots of you tonight. *hug*

huayshan

Just Great

What a perfect way to start the new year.
Already I have experienced many disappointments and I only have myself to blame.
I reckon pain and disappointments are the hardest to deal with.
Perhaps things will get better. After all, they can't get any worse than this.
It's sad that things happened this way.
Great job Mar, you brought it upon yourself.

time passes so quickly, meh.

helloo!

i am 20 years old!!! sian. i kept trying to make excuses for myself-i was born at 11 am so when everyone went happy birtthhhday at 12midnight i told myself, aha but there's where you're wrong, i'm technically still 19! but now i have no excuse. i am 20. i am 20. omygod i am 20!!!

back in malaysia. may i inform everyone how much trouble i'm in? i have a test on 12th jan, have abt 7 days to go through about 60 lectures and maybe 30 chapters of anatomy. and i haven't gone through some of them at all. and i'm blogging some more. its weird im panicking but i still am calm at the same time. i'm such a twat. sigh, twarble. TWARBLE!

i miss everyone already, time passes so quickly. it's been so boring here at home. good la, in a sense cause i'll be forced to study but aiyahhhhh damn sian!! and nothing funny has been happening to me. so sad! i like funny things to happen to me. they make me laugh. and therefore make me happy. vrrrroom vrrrroom!! oo btw, i want a driving license :(

off to try to work. wish me luck. *HUG* seeya in july!

huayshan

Looking Back

I know this is a bit too late but what the hell.

Looking back, if there was one word to sum up 2008, it would have to be Change.
Last year was definitely a challenging one. I was thrown off not having anything to do for 9 months. Sure, it was liberating, but at the same time, it felt strange since I was so used to a routine that seemed to be part of my life. It was a great 9 months though, traveling with friends, working (okay maybe that wasn't so great) and just spending time with loved ones. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend those 9 months.
Another challenge was having everyone fly off. Although I got used to it, it didn't make it any easier not having people like Jen around for random drives and suppers, or having Zee around to curse and swear to make the world a better place or having Shan send random messages that always make me smile. I am glad that we managed to stay close despite the distance and that I managed to still meet up with the remaining few in Singapore.
Entering uni was yet another difference. It was scary at first since there weren't many people I knew. I thank God for Sam and Chang, without whom I wouldn't have survived uni. I also am glad for the many awesome new friends I've made as well. They have certainly made school more bearable and have helped me in more ways than one.
Rugby was a whole new experience as well. I'm glad for the opportunity to continue playing the sport I love. It's been tough but all worth while and I've definitely learnt a lot.
All in all, I'd say 2008 was a good year. Many changes but somehow, I did manage to survive and this wouldn't have been possible with all those I love.
I hope this year will be good as well, I think it's the way I set it out to be.

xoxo
MAR

The Real Hiroshima Bomb

Hello Twins!

This post is dedicated to one of our most loyal readers: the twins!

WAIT FOR IT....


.
.
.
.
.













THIS

is the real Hiroshima Bomb




You know we love you la!


<3
Chang, Shan & Wong