About patching up my life

I have to say that I am so cold these days that I might actually, possibly die. I am not joking, the combination of:

1) OBESITY (from not running and from eating cakes to stifle my misery from being so cold.)

2) Well.. COLD (i am convinced it is highly possible that i will lose a toe or finger if this ridiculous weather continues.)

3) FALLING DOWN (i slip and fall about 2 times a week on normal pavements,so me waddling clumsily on slippery, iced pavements is NOT a pretty picture.)

But I'm kinda sorting out the little aspects of my studies that I've been neglecting-tons of work left to complete, but it's always good to clear the pile slowly.

I realise that I really enjoy blogging because I miss writing very much.

Also, *points to left* I signed up for the formspring thing so ask questions if you like, I would love to inspire any budding medics out there =) if anyone other than my (: friends read this that is.

huayshan

about BANNING FACEBOOK FROM MY LIFE

this is a rant about facebook.

I used to be quite zzz about facebook, never really went on it much cause I usually read my wall posts and msges via hotmail. But somehow once term started this year I've been hooked onto it- I go on every half hour when I'm bored to stalk someone/stalk myself. Yes, am a bit shameless aren't I.

But I think it's unhealthy for me cause:

1) I am sensitive and I get homesick easily. Seeing pictures of people back home, and seeing what I'm missing out on/ what I used to have makes me quite sad sometimes.

2) After looking at too many pictures of myself I start thinking I look like a baboon's ass, which is no good as well cause that also makes me feel sad.

3) It just takes up so much time stalking people on facebook! HAIH! I could spend that time baking brownies and putting them in my round belly!

So the choices were:

- Delete my facebook account (yes i was actually considering this) but i think a bit too much ah, facebook is actually quite good for keeping in touch.

** STAY AWAY FROM FACEBOOK AND ONLY CHECK/REPLY MSGES AND WALLPOSTS VIA MARCUS(my bb).

Let the facebook withdrawal beginnnnn

*trumpet blows*

huayshan

about feeling very AH!

So i thought i'ld spice the blog up with some pictures...... only to realise i haven't taken pictures in awhile. So i dug up old pictures. Randomly. I am random I know.

Also, Debster if you are there, I can totally relate to feeling like you look like a baboon's ass every now and again. In fact I'm going through a baboon's ass phase now. Sometimes I look at pictures/into the mirror and think, shit why the heck did my stupid friends let me believe I was decent looking all these years?? but I love you, my stupid friends and you're not stupid, I am. haha. haiyah. I'm based on a gastro ward where I see smelly yellow people with distended tummies all day so I've decided that I shouldn't complain.

I'm generally not a fan of solo shots but I like this one for some strange reason that for the life of me, I cannot fathom. But I put this here to remind myself that I am not yellow nor smelly(not since CORRINE HO told me I smelt bitter-????- when I was 14, which triggered a deodorant buying frenzy) so I shouldn't complain.

BAI.

huayshan

about taking a CHILL PILL

i've been a bit less kiasu this week and it's been quite refreshing. i'm not stressing out running around trying to make my breaks productive, i'm not staying back late and taking the (dirty) bus back.. it's been nice.

Today, I laughed 4 times.

1) A 60 year old patient asked for my number. He also mentioned he was divorced and that his ex wife was 24. See guys, I'm single by choice, I can get a boyfriend/sugar daddy whenever I like.

2) The consultant asked me, "Do you like partying?" and bewildered as to why he would suddenly ask me such a strange question (and troubled by the amount of unwanted attention I seemed to be attracting from old men) I thought he meant to say "partink" and that it must be some kinda disease/drug I know nothing about. So I was like uh.. what's partink? and he was like, you know like clubbing and drinking and i was like.. OHHH and then he was like "Do you know what alcohol is?" which set everyone off cause clearly he must have thought I was some illegal immigrant from China who barely speaks English.

3) One of the girls in my firm's phone went off and she was in the loo, so we all looked at it dubiously and then this guy from my firm that makes me laugh every 5 minutes, nonchalantly sauntered over to the table, picked the phone up and said "Bonjour!" I nearly fell off my chair and wet myself.

4) Said guy was the first to get dropped off and while he was getting his bag out of the car boot, the girl driving started driving off and he was like "YAAH!" which set me off again(every 5 minutes i swear) and as she drove off she was like, omg imagine if i had killed Ben, and proceeded to tell us about how she had almost killed her sister the night before. I almost wet myself. again.

cant wait to see what tomorrow will bring me.

huayshan

about something really big!

first off, since i haven't really introduced my housemates to anyone, here they are:

erica, anna and i.

anyway, i got into hereford. which means ill be staying at the hospital accomodation next term from mon to thurs, i predict it'll be a very intense experience but awesome nonetheless cause there're so few of us i can probably get more blood out of people haha, and im sure nurses and doctors will be more willing to teach us. exciting but nervous. scared people throw eggs at me for being so keen, scared i wont like the people there. heh

huayshan

about dilemmas!!

majorly sian.

This is going to be a long boring tale but i need to rant. I applied to be placed at a hospital that is 2 hours away from here next term- because only 1o medical students are placed there and it's meant to have AMAZING teaching. people dread being placed there in general cause we have to stay at the hospital accommodation from Mon to Thurs every week for 3 months. Thing is, I can cope with that-and I don't mind sacrificing my non existent social life for good teaching.

So i applied- and a couple of people I knew and liked did too- but we all didn't get it. According to rumours, people who requested NOT to be placed there got in- and obviously those people are majorly pissed off. And so I was disappointed at first, but I've gotten used to the idea of going to the hospital i was posted to- got a lift and got a couple of friends going with me as well so yeah i was all set! then....... i got an email saying there's a last spot at Hereford(the hospital that's far away) and would I please reply to say if I want the spot.

After much consideration........ I replied saying I wanted the spot. I still may not get it if someone replied earlier though. zzzz. but im a bit worried cause I dont want to:

1) Be at Hereford with 9 angry people who hate the place

2) Get beaten up by above 9 people for applying for the spot and hence for being a full blown nerd.

NYAH. let's see if i get in.

huayshan

about NKDA.

today, i said in front of 5 students and a doctor- ' Mrs X is allergic to NKDA'.

NKDA= No Known Drug Allergy.

So clever.

huayshan

about london!

went to london on saturday.

met up with liz and han teng to watch we will rock you- which was good!!

then went for dinner and darel came along.

it was such good fun, it was just the break i needed and it kinda got everything out of my head- i've kinda forgotten all about work and aw i just miss being with vj ppl so bad :(

darel needs to cut hair.

i realllllly wish i was in london sometimes, it would be so nice to be able to see them more often. OH OH so exciting, liz, ELISE CHUA, hanteng and darel are coming down again to see me*pleased* in december, i cannot wait, that is the one thing that will keep me going for now. I was so emo when i got back last night, erica had to stay up late to console me while I threw one of my embarrassing tantrums. i miss my friends!!! erica go get them!!! *throws pillow at bewildered erica*

hehe

huayshan

about feeling fortunate.

spoke to a lady today who had a tumour affecting her vision and she was the sweetest lady ever, nurses warned me that she was a bit of a drama queen but i found her adorable, she kept bursting into tears as i spoke to her which alarmed me the first few times,but she would recover just as quickly and continue with her story- i had to struggle to make her focus on her medical problems, but i just found her adorable. she's given up her job to care for her partner who is chronically ill. She's such a lovely lady cause she keeps walking round to fetch water and to talk to other sicker patients. At the end of it all she seemed a little down that i was leaving cause she was lonely i think so i told her that she had helped me a lot and that the time she spent talking to me would probably help me save someone else's life in the future- cheesy but i ended up making her bawl and i think i cheered her up.

i like making people's days.

huayshan

about me being mean

i feel really uneasy when some people in my firm keep complaining about how nobody gives us any teaching or how we are always in the way- they leave once teaching is over and if we have no teaching they go home, and we only need to take 3 bloods this term so they're only taking 3..

for the record i like these people i just feel very confused by their behaviour.

thing is i'm motivated by terror- i'm very keen when it comes to clinical skills and going around getting teaching from anyone who is willing to teach (and trust me, if you persist enough your efforts will pay off- i think all the nice doctors kinda cluster together, once u find one they refer you to another and then you get referred again and again.. u get the idea)- i'm constantly paralysed with terror of not being good enough in the future. i know i'm making myself look like a noble person, but i swear i'm not. i am a selfish bitch that hides things from people so i can do everything myself and i don't share food. Unrelated but i get angry when people take my food. like unreasonably angry.

But my point is i'm always scared of not being able to function when i graduate- and i just dont understand how some people can just waltz around not worrying about it- i'm sorry for harping on bloods, but take that for example, wouldn't you want to do as many as u can so that in future you can take blood from any patient? cause mind you, some people have veins that like playing hide and seek. Not scared meh???? only me?

Truth be told, i'm proud of myself. i think i've made an effort and i'm not the smartest of people and i don't know very much but i can bask in the fact that i've given it my best and if i end up as some lao ah pok doctor then i'm sorry, i'm just not cut out for it.

But seriously... NOT SCARED MEH????????

haih.

huayshan

about POTATO AND LEEK BAKE

so.

i've been very pregnant lady-like with my food cravings, i've recently developed a liking for leek, peppers and potatoes. weird. just made leek and potato bake which was YUMMY!!!!

also, i want a car very very badly. very badly. it really sucks cause sometimes i stay behind when everyone goes home and then i have to take the bus home in the dark. and the cold. and the rain. i'm placed at a further hospital next term so ugh im gonna be very moody if i have to spend an hour travelling :( good thing is we get a travel allowance *whee!*

What interesting things have been happening?

- i found a clinic where bloods are taken every morning and i'm telling nobody about it cause i wanna do them all myself yes i'm selfish, go away.

- i examined a baby's testicles yesterday- didn't know what i was doing, so i just kinda like massaged them haha.

- oh did i mention i bought myself a pair of grey uggs? about 2 weeks ago- i really like them and i think they're a worthwhile investment *bites lip*

OH OH OH best part of my post:

my parents bought my brother a robot, a ROBOT to clean his house.

I couldn't stop laughing when I read the email. Apparently, the robot is very stupid cause it keeps getting lost in the house HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, HAHAHAHAHAAHA. i can just about picture three grownups eating chips sitting on the sofa yelling at a little robot going round in circles banging into the wall. HAHAHAHHA omg i need to pee

huayshan

about being sooooooooooo tired.

up, down, up, down.

UP

today was a roller coaster ride. Things went well at first cause I was lucky enough to be speaking to a patient who happened to need blood taken from him so i had to suppress the urge to yell "I WANNA DO IT!!!" when the doctor came in to tell him he had to be bled. The doctor also happened to be a verrrrrry nice Malaysian guy who I've spoken to before so he was nice and when I couldn't get the blood and was close to crying with despair he came to the rescue and sent me off to get blood from someone else whose veins were so obvious it was quite gross, really, and that cheered me right up =)

DOWN

Then in the afternoon I went to the surgical unit cause I was bored and was allowed to watch two breast surgeries. Two of the junior surgeons were so nice and one kept explaining things to me and chatting to me even while she was busy burning the patient's flesh but the senior surgeon who was an old british lady was such a racist nobb- i can't be bothered with the details but she upset me by a lot of the things she said and the way she behaved- she seemed to think I was inadequate and completely incapable of becoming a surgeon and fair enough i'm not the smartest of people but b****, you've only known me for 3 hours so screw you!!

UP

Really got very upset and it kinda helped when I met the nice Malaysian doctor(who in case anyone is wondering I am NOT interested in) at the bus stop and we had a nice chat on the bus and omg, he seemed to imply that i may not end up going back to singapore for another 5-6 more years which really depresses me i must say. :( oh well we'll see where life takes me. He cheered me up. He must think I'm weird though cause I burst into a rant abt said horrible surgeon halfway thru the conversation without any prior warning. nyeh.

Sometimes I think I'm too friendly and too smiley- people take solemn, aloof, arrogant(ish) people more seriously cause they look smarter and calmer. i'm gonna have to make the effort to be more aloof and solemn. so tiring.

It's such a drain on my emotional state of mind. I'm wiped out.

huayshan