the good ol' days

last night, i had the time of my life.

it's been way too long since i've laughed till i had stiches, cried and was out of breath.

and it's all thanks to the good ol' study buddies!

thank you so much for the great time we had last night even though han wasn't there and bao was only virtually present!

i really miss the good ol' days where we used to laugh more than we studied, have ABBA hour aka crazy hour (which kept getting pushed forward!!), our haunted house, birdie etc.

it was you guys who got me through the horror of A levels, and helped me keep my sanity.

you guys really brighten my life and made my night so fun!

so here's to our studdy buddy clan, may we stay in touch forever and have more 'makan with mar' sessions!! (: i will plan them so keep your schedules free! love you guys!

great food, great company, what more could i ask for? (:

p.s: thanks for the treat deyao! don't worry, dinner on us the next time!! you'll be BALD! hehh

xoxo,
mar

hello(:

i have kinda made up my mind, I'm going to take up the offer at birmingham no matter what. Although it's highly likely that I won't have a choice let me just geh kiang here and assume that I do get into either monash or unsw lah hor. I'm pretty much all set to take up birmingham's offer. been spending the past few days talking to random people and emailing half the people in uni of birmingham(HAHHAHA seriously. i think they think i'm some siao asian) and yeah, basically the impression I've gotten is that the unviersity's respectable, just that the city is a tad dangerous. something like kl, a guy told me but ohwell, i LIVE in kl. so,yes! if all goes well, and I don't screw up the admissions process cause there are so many darned forms to fill up, i guess it's byebye to alot of money and helloooo angmoh version of kl! exciting huh. i honestly NEVER thought i'ld actually be one of those people studying overseas. i feel cool.

okay. my brother's girlfriend just came back with an enormous white bag that resembles that of santas and she kindly allowed me to dig thru the bag and here's what i found. piles of halters and tank tops and tubes from mango and zara and handbags of all shapes and sizes and a random pair of boots and roller skates. gotta ask her whats up with that later. and she said the stuff all belonged to her housemate who was planning to throw the stuff out.it's insane. i'm gonna continue digging i found a few things i like already. hahahaha alrightssss loveyaall

xxoo huayshannn

ok, i've gotten over all my emo-ness.
not that everything's fine and dandy for me, but i've just learnt to deal with it.
no matter what shit life throws at you, i always believe that God will not give you more than you can handle.
so, i'm moving on and leaving everything behind.
i will deal with it in time.
thank you to all who've expressed concern in one way or another (:
i love each and every one of you to death!

so, on a lighter note,
today was my first driving lesson!
i know all of you secretly made bets about when i'll crash or kill the instructor.
but guess what!
yours truly did neither of the above and got praised as being 'not bad' despite the constant stalling (it is normal for beginners, plus it takes time getting used to)
all in all, i had an enjoyable time even though there was a language barrier to overcome (i should brush up my mandrain. i can speak chinese!). the instructor was patient and reassuring, making me feel better but still scared of knocking down the motorcyclists who seem so frail!
i can't wait for my next lesson! hopefully i'll go at a better time where my leg is not aching from training!

alright, now it's back to reality where life isn't all about just having fun (even though i wish it were!) i need to do something but i'm scared? scared of the outcome. i can't live in fear anymore. i must take charge of my life. i want it. i have to get it. i'll do what it takes. yes, i will.

here's to my sucky week.
hopefully things will look up next week!

okay just some randomness i found on the twins' blog which i found very amusing. i absolutely cannot remember what made me end up in this position. hope it makes ya laugh. HOHO

okayss glad the week is over for me. well lessons are that is. till mon, it's REST for me! but i've got a whole lot of crap to do. tmr i have to spend hours staring at strangers and a blinking screen flashing numbers as i settle my PR stuff. then sat's dinner with lien(: then sun's cemetery visiting day. boo i'm lazy to go i just want a whole weekend of pure snooooozzzeeee. ROAR.

i think i'm doing a pretty good job teaching. got an increasing no of students asking for extra lessons and they sound so happy when i agree to meet them i cant help but feel honoured and happy as well. hahaha but it's getting very very exhausting i tell yah. VERY exhausting. but it's pretty great cause there are people like RACHEL cynthia and sharon who make life so much more fun during breaks!i usually spend my spare time in the lounge. today i found a book on pregnancy and spent some time thumbing thru it. hahahahha. and started dancing around rachel when i saw her cause currently she's my favourite person to see in school! aaaaalrights im tiredtiredtired.

i just need to be a tad emo heree. i can't help feeling worried about my future. about university. i definitely want to go to uk. and i can! my parents are supportive and i've got a place. but i can't help feeling uncertain. cause the place i got isn't a very prestigious one and shallow SHALLOW me ain't sure if i can be happy in a place that ain't prestigious. sometimes i take a step back,when i look at my students. the idea of going to a medical school, the idea of going to UK, the idea of going to university, is so far far away from their reach. and i should be feeling lucky instead of this. cant make up my mind. sometimes i decide i'll be happy as long as im a medical student and i'm in uk, but sometimes i think i won't be that happy after all. GOD!!! this is infuriating :( boo. BEHHHHHHHHHHH.

xxoo huayshaaaaaan

today was traumatising. i tell you ah the amount of times i want to quit a day... then i think about $$$ and i tell myself to hang on. teaching is very interesting but i would never want to be a teacher for life. like seriously.

today i went into the best sec4 class to teach amath(differentiation of trigo) and i taught the wrong stuff. i prepared the lesson very carefully and thoroughly but i screwed up. got all flustered and panicked and i screwed up. it was like "'cher why like that? wrong la 'cher!" and "err... wait okay, let me check." "cher!! i don't understand this one!" "okay okay hang on a sec alright?*panics*" and lots of random chers here and there. gosh. scary. finally i ended the lesson feeling like utter crap. but when i went in later again it got slightly better cause i could talk to them one on one and i'm just hoping tmr's lesson will be better. it's so tiring, having to prepare lessons for every student cause diff students go at diff paces, and i'm seriously so exhausted. rachel was hilarious today. let me tell you what she said.
"huay shan you should let down your hair some time(i tie my hair up in school)"
"err very messy lah dowan"
"but your hair looks really tame!"
"*silence* HAHHAHHAHAHHAHA"

and

"let's go for lesson!"(me)
"so early? i feel like a fooool lah always stand outside the class waiting!"
"*silence* HAHAHHAHAHAA"

it may not sound funny here but wait till you hear her say it in her whiny voice and look at you with her doe eyes. HOHO. but she's been really great to have around (:

alright gotta munch dinner. takecare all. marianne!! what's up babah! keep it cool yea.

xxoo huayshan

yes, i've had yet another sucky day.
even tickets to we will rock you will not make me any happier.

first of all, my good friend's a jerk.
which makes me... a moron.
secondly, my future is bleak. real bleak
i have no chance of getting into US.
i'm really depressed.
everyone thought i could get in and now: rejection.
fuck it.
fuck life
fuck everything.
everything seems to be going wrong.
seriously, whatever else bad that's coming my way: bring it on
nothing else can make me feel as bad as i feel now
try me

so dear hope,
if you even exist, please show yourself! i am desperately seeking you and need your presence.
your appearance in my life would be greatly appreciated.

this is strange, me emo-ing
usually doesn't happen
not for me anyway
ever feel your life's not turning out the way you hoped for?
go figure.
welcome to my life.

on a brighter note,
thank you to my emo-ing buddy. for always believing in me, standing by me and offering to kick some ass for me. i really appreciate you and all you've done. thank you so much!
thank you my blur friend, for staying up with me too, affirming my decisions and making me laugh while trying to help me. you are much appreciated.
to bao and val, thank you so much for listening, making me feel so much better and just being your wonderful selves.
i will move on.
no trying, not buts.
i will.

another rant

i'm so sorry for spamming this blog with angsty entries but i've just been so bogged down by stupid things that have happened.
whatever that has happened, i blame myself more than anyone or anything. i allowed myself to let such things happen and i'm not about to shirk away from responsibilities.
i'm glad we thrashed things out no matter how pissed off it made me feel or how uncomfortable it made me feel.
yes, i still do disagree with some things and i don't deny i might feel awkward the next time but it's undeniable that some things you sent made me fucking pissed off. after all, you were the one who asked me how i felt and i fucking gave you a piece of my mind and yet you told me not to say such things? that's fucking unreasonable. i was being fucking honest.
OH WELL, i will try to move on.
this is fucking stupid. i can't believe such a thing had happened and i let it happen.
whatever it is, this is a good learning experience. at least i know your true colours so now, i'll prepare myself better. things will never return to normal. i will never be able to forget this incident and whatever else but i assure you, because i'm such a moron, i will try my best to make this friendship work. i'm 90% sure i still want it to work out unless you show me otherwise and trust me, showing me otherwise is not a difficult feat.
ok, i feel much better now. thanks to all who've helped me through this and stayed up with me untill wee hours just so that i won't kill that person or myself for that matter. you guys are awesome and i really appreciate it.
now, it's back to worry about uni applications and what not.

warning: extremely vulgar post ahead

i fucking can't stand assholes who do things and don't account for it.
if you do something, fucking admit it.
i can admit it so why can't you?
i am willing to take half the fucking blame and you have done nothing wrong.
well, here's a newsflash for you:
a friendship involves 2 people.
so whatever you do, i have a right to know
and this right was bestowed to me the second you decided to call me your friend
what fucking use is it acting so nice and concerned about me?
fuck you
i know it's easter and a season for forgiving
but until you give me a fucking good reason why i should ever believe/trust you again,
you'll be nothing to me but a fucking platform face.
you bloody well know who you are.

helloss!okay first off mr shi's wedding was today and it was simply beautiful. wish them the best.

yah and as for my freaking swollen face i have never felt so ugly in my life. i hate allergies. boo. went to elise's and enjoyed myself thoroughly with her,annsiong and fred. playing monopoly. i lost like shit. haha. elise the kiasu bought a bazillion hotels and houses.

i love mcfly. just fell in love with all about you again.

Yesterday, you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile 'It's all about you'
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too,
Said you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you

sweeeet(:

alrights. i've been pretty tired lately,been very absorbed with teaching. first off would like to say i'm very glad that there's a vj girl, rachel! teaching with me now. i like her already. am now teaching mon to thurs,and am exhausted. the lessons run from about 10 to 5+ pm. it's tiring, but i can't help feeling good at the end of it all when my students do understand me. got a couple of favourites, but i was recently assigned a bunch of new students which i'm not really looking forward to that cause it's really hard to try to gain their confidence and trust.but i'm telling ya. TIRING.

i will be honest here. i think i can never ever outgrow my crazy childish streak. no matter how old, how mature and how dignified i may become, i'll never stop loving to poke people and squeal stupid things. i've learnt to dress in a more ladylike manner but i still love kicking up my skirt to bounce around and bump butts with the person unfortunate enough to stand beside me. i may learn to wear heels but i'll always love linking hands with my best buddies and skipping along the pathway. i may learn to eat more expensive food but i'll never stop enjoying the looks of horror i get when i show people the chomped food stuck between my spinach streaked teeth. i may not be the most dignified or classy girl around and well probably not the ideal ladylike demure little girlie but as long as i'm happy and cosy inside i'm content:) guess that's what you can always count on. huay shan may age but she'll never stop loving nonsense crap and plain stupidity. (:

xxoo huayshan

laughing my guts and dentures out

BIRTHDAY GIRLS
after cake cutting :)
this is the girl who played queen's english with me.see chang i'm giving yah credit!!

results day. just thought this looked sweet (: look at jialing pointing at her boobies. ROFL!

yay i think pictures make my blog more lively. haha alright. first thing i want to say today is that i cannot cannot live without humour. i've been laughing so hard the past few days i swear i'm getting abs. first the twins' birthday was hilarious and then there was peiying's surprise celebration which just cracked me up like crazzzzzy. ate at kenny rogers and we shared a lot of food(including a fat pot pie) and first jialing made me laugh when she stuffed the pork ribs into her mouth trying to suck out the meat and gave me that doe-eyed look when i started laughing and she didn't know whether to spit out the ribs(and appear uncouth) or to continue trying to suck out the meat(and be laughed at by me) so i ended up slicing off the meat for her. then peiying starts being all weird and stuffs a huge chicken bone in her mouth trying to eat the meat (i think) and then she spits it back on the plate and when she caught me giving her the -_- look she burst into a ridiculous peiying smile and chirped, "want some carcass??" and i seriously found that HILARIOUS and i almost laughed my dentures off.

then there was talking to my father and my brother, my father was telling us that he heard strange noises in macritchie and was racking his brains trying to figure out what bird it was when he realised it was the police conducting a search for MS. and then he wondered aloud what the noises are for,and my brother commented(in between chomping down some steamed fish) that perhaps the police could be trying to disturb MS's sleep so that he would get frustrated and eventually surrender. i started laughing again and i am laughing as i type this. i just love love love people and things that make me laugh.

any s33 people reading this please ask me about the wedding this saturday!(not mine btw if it were mine most of you'ld have received a silver invitation studded with pink roses by about erm now.)

<3>

a very lovely and fruiful day indeed

i had a great day today!

first,went for driving and I AM HOT STUFF. i am seriously good. i'm not going to elaborate but i had the confidence to scratch my nose and laugh at the seriously bad driver in front of me while i was driving. i am sooo goood. (:

okay then for the first time i went shopping alone cause i had free time before meeting my four buddddds for dinner. oh wait before that i dashed to idp to apply for monash and unsw. yesss considering australia. anyhows back to shopping, it was great fun! thought i would feel paisei shopping alone with no second opinion and only myself to talk to but ya had a great time. wanted to get shoes and pants(for work cause,as i told a few people, i've been wearing my aunt's pants to work which are waaaaay too short so i've been walking around with my pants flapping round my ankles) and i spent a lot of time at suntec, and bought a G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S pair of golden ballet flats. pweeeety. then iora had a sale so i bought a work top and pants! yay. no more ugly flapping pants.

theennn had dinner at shoduko,this jap version of marche. had fun,saw the twins,chang and wong again which was great as usual but i felt like today was more fun than usual:) then off to some esplanade area for cakeee. my wallet is VERY MUCH lighter but it was worthwhile. one thing about the siamese twins is that they don't realise how lovable they are,which makes them all the more lovable!

photos up when i kope them from chang:)

august rush is an AWESOME show. frankly, i didn't expect much from it at all. but, it turned out great. i really loved it! such a sweet show coupled with an excellent soundtrack. i couldn't ask for more.
the bad weather has made it impossible to train. i'm not used to coming home early every night. can you imagine? one week of late nights was all it took to screw up my body clock. i am now unable to keep myself occupied with the spare time i have. damn. i think i should sleep earlier or pick up a new hobby. the online guitar lessons can only do so much. i need more beginner songs or something! perhaps slower videos? or real idiot guides. either way, i will learn it properly!
work is gonna be hectic tomorrow (or so i am told). good in a way that it keeps me occupied. bad in a sense that being busy is equivalent to being unable to finish private practice (dang!) and start on heroes season 2 etc. i am a tv dramas addict. i realise that i can watch grey's the whole day. it's so addictive! the writer's strike was terrible! i can't stand the fact that season 4 of grey's was left hanging! i am dying to know what happens next but i have a feeling i don't want to because grey's has a tendency of having unhappy endings. boo. they should make it happy and end it once and for all. spare all of us please! then again, that's just my input.
i have to start watching other things besides depressing dramas. hopefully private practice has a happier ending! i think i have a knack for sad things. books i read are apparently 'tragic' and so are the dramas i watch. i shall attempt to read happier books. this reminds me, borders is having 20% off! which means i can afford or rather, thousand splendid suns is now within the price range that i am willing to pay! thank you god! i can't wait to get my hands on it!
alright, i think this was a really random post. i shall get some sleep so i can go to borders tomorrow and not feel sleepy for once! goodnight!

xoxo,
mar

p.s: HELLO KELSEY (:

two things i hate about huayshan

i am a horrid horrid girl. basically this was my plan for today. wake up at 10, head to school,teach at 11.30, leave at 1, meet jonathan and anthea at 2.30, then go shop for shoes(pretty fit has a sale,which friska introduced to me when we went out to watch charlie wilson's war which was BORING and btw friska is my very good indonesian ex-hostel friend) and go for driving at 7pm. and what happened? shanshan woke up at 130, yelped,contemplated suicide, and eventually canceled lunch with jt and anthea(sorry eh) and met her student at changi airport for extra lessons, and headed straight for driving after. man i suck.

then driving. good heavens the instructor kept scolding me and at one point claimed he was very disappointed in me and that his dinner was coming out anytime soon:( haha but at the end of it all he said i was pretty good for a beginner! yah but i almost peed in my pants lah i was driving down a road and this darned old man just HAD to run across the road to the mobile toilets which just HAD to be placed across the road. anyways i was struggling to control the accelerator and was pretty close to ramming the old dude down and we had eye contact for awhile and he had that oh-praise-the-lord-i'm-still-alive look in his eyes.scary. but with practice i think i'll be pretty darn good(:

one more point. i'ld like to say that the greatest pain in this world,other than childbirth which i've yet to experience, is caused by FOOD POISONING. woke up four times to poo(which was prob why i woke up late) and my stomach hurt so bad i had to pull my hair to distract myself from the pain. which reminds me of the very famous incident that happened two years back. i shat in my pants in the boat just before a 1k race and poor ruiyi was behind me. just as peiying yelled go i screamed, shit!shit! and those mean ppl insisted on continuing the race so i had to tolerate the discomfort and finish the race. was our best timing though,that race,probably cause ruiyi couldn't wait to get back to shore, and the rest were too busy laughing. behhhh.BEH.

<3 huayshan

you know ah one thing i realised when i read everyone's blog is that i'm probably the only person who spelled out his/her grades. why why why tell me why. aiyah A then A B then B lorrr.

then hor,i was trampled and squashed today. i was made to feel insignificant, parasite-like and unwanted. so a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g. aiiii. i've always tried to make everybodeh lurve mua but it's obviously impossible. whee i'm a human i have faults. boohoo. i am talking crap.

i feel pathetic. i have nowhere to call home. msia?spore? and i've stayed in so many places i have no idea which to call my house. sometimes i want to settle down with a hot dude in the middle of ghana and plant pepper in my backyard. i cant wait to head for uni. like that's a easy process. roar, where do i go?

i got so exasperated with myself today. sometimes i think i'm a worrier. when i was being made in my mommy's body some mad scientist injected a WORRY-541 gene into my young body. things are actually going very well for me. i've got a place doing the course i want but now i'm worrying bout whether i should go to australia instead. yuen huayshan!!

then there's,to quote marian keyes, himself. i shall liven up my blog by including something about that. i think my blog's not that hot cause i'm rarely emotionally distressed or depressed. himself keeps popping out like a daissssyy and i don't think i am or will ever be herself to himself. nah. see. i'm not gay and i have a life!

then hor, there's next week. it's a happening week. teaching+outings= fun but EXHAUSTION. here's what happens every morning at about 7-9am. first, ms yuen hears her phone alarm ring(sometimes it's an actual person calling me but i'll just press the red button anyhow and apologise later. that's how i always find strange messages and call records on my phone) then ms yuen thinks about how she can cancel her plans for the day to lie in bed till she gets bedsores that puts her (late)grandfather's to shame. her top three excuses are, she has food poisoning, she has a last min family dinner and sometimes she just hecks care when she's too tired to think of an excuse and just tells the truth, she overslept! most of the time though she realises grudgingly she can't cancel and sets her alarm for about 5 mins later and eventually drags herself out of bed to do a tinkle(aint it a lovely way to say pee) and turn her room upside down to find sth to wear. usually after messing up her cupboard and room, she sprints out of the house. boohoo. what a life.

xxoo huay shan

disappointment.
an inevitable part of life.
yet, when it comes, you are always unprepared.
it can come in various forms, some more severe than others.
still, the process of overcoming it never easy.
but what can you do but move on?
life still goes on.
disappointment.
i wish i had the strength to overcome it all.
yes, we grow and we learn.
hope, is there any left?
perhaps things aren't as bad as i perceive them to be
still, the dissappointment is still there.
i will get over it and move on.
somehow

xoxo,
mar

here,let me update you about what i've been up to lately. firstly, on wed night i made an attempt to be cool and went clubbing with debo and elise and some strangers that suddenly popped out of nowhere(refer to the left of the picture) and learnt that i am in fact a very stupid girl. cause i forgot to bring any id and only had my driving card so we had to explain to the bulky bouncers that only people above 18 can get a driving card. the two of them almost killed me. and we reached debo's house at four am and i had to go teach at 7am. so with about 15 mins sleep i dragged myself to work and almost died during the two lessons i had which dragged on till 4pm.in btwn lessons i was at the staff lounge trying not to drool. bah.

okayyyy Alevel results. this is dedicated to mr jonathan who was the first person to tell me about my results. yes so i stayed over at elises the night before and woke up at about twelve to check my phone, which kept beeping with good luck messages which were sweet but IRRITATINGGG and jonathan was being a total nuthead by asking me random questions and telling me unimportant things when he already knew my resultss! i eventually got suspiscious and dug it out of him. yes i prefer to learn about my results through ppl than by looking at the slip. anyhow it's 3As and 2Bs,for bio and gp. ROAR bio. seriously annoying.and i had to pay off a library fine before i could get my results, ANNOYINGG!!!!

and this is random but u know how people always say u can't live without your handphone? well i think they've neglected the handphone's trusty old pal, the CHARGER. i realised today i left my charger at elises and i went berserk. my phone had like one bar left and i was like, crap how do i meet huihui tmr and crap, what if my mom tries to call me and crap, how do i contact so and so and crap how can i pretend to act cool by smsing at crowded places,and since we're on this topic here's a piece of advice to the young and pretty out there, you should totally always pretend to be talking on the phone when ure walking along dark alleys or when u see prospective rapists so that they'll stay away from u. it works cause i've never been robbed or harrased in my life.

beh. im quite tireddddd. BEH.

xxxxooooooo huay shan

I'm currently listening to ac/dc's highway to hell.
the timing couldn't have been more apt.
i'm definitely on a highway to hell right now.
and there's only two words on my mind: i'm screwed.

xoxo,
mar

marianne siao char bor.

spent the weekend at my brother's and am so relaxed now and so not wanting to go back. ah feel like someone's not very happy with me but ohwells. lahdeedah. i've got more impt things to worry about like resultssss. like universityyyyyy. i just feel now like my life's so messy and i long for organisation and order. and sequence and security. i wish getting into uni was as easy as getting into jc. ROAR.

sometimes i wish someone would drop ten thousand dollars in my bank account and demand that i spend it on shopping. sometimes i wish that i could wake up one morning and realise my body has become as hard as a plank. sometimes i wish that next week would be over. and sometimes i wish i would wake up as ashley tisdale. or kate beckinsale. either one will do.

heehee huay shan