about jem and my leaving the hot land.

Firstly, i need to rave. i've been reading and rereading to kill a mockingbird and i am crazy crazy in love with jem. he's only like 10 in the most of the book but i think he's amazing. the way he protects his sister ( the part where he tries to poke a "snake"-who turns out to be another boy- out from under her bed even after they just had an argument) and the way he is so righteous and brave( omg the scene where he refuses to leave atticus when he knows atticus is in trouble) makes me really really like him! yes i am mad to be into a character from a book but i can't help myself hahaha everytime i read part of the book my admiration for this boy multiplies by a thousand. think im mad? read the book and tell me if u don't have a crush on jem after. *nyehh*

going back on sunnnday! school starts tuesday, 8.30 start everyday. guess what my face looks like now. :(((((((((((( it's going to be intense and i hope i won't get into another one of my post-holiday depression mood swings. oh who am i kidding. i probably will weep my eyes out during my first lecture. always do. :((((

wish i could stay for just 2 more weeks. my bro's coming home to msia next wed and then my whole family's going to singapore a week later for hari raya. do u know how crazy happy i would be being able to spend 2 weeks with all 3 other members of my family? it's so flippin' rare to have my brother around esp in malaysia. to be fair though, he's coming down partly cause he knows my mom will be lonely once im gone. so im kinda glad he'll be around to distract her when i go so she won't miss me too much. so i won't feel too guilty leaving. yeah.

sigh, good times pass by so quickly.

huayshan

about taking a step forward.

okay you guys haven't been introduced to this two- they were my primary school best friends- we were kinda like childhood friends, we went to each others' houses a million times, played together in school, went for computer lessons in school together, talked ourselves hoarse over the phone etc etc. (:

life in malaysia is getting better cause i'm more confident about driving- i drove on my own for the first time yesterday, picked my friends up(because we were so close i've memorised the route to their houses) and went to klang for bakuteh. and OMG i am so loving myself for it!!! i just need to figure out how to get to a few more places and i can start dragging people from singapore over for real. sorry to those who wanted to come over but were hindered by my ignorance of malaysian roads. *paiseh to the max*

okays then, im going back this sunday so am a bit pensive.. but ah well life! HUG.

huayshan

about the things going through my mind at this very second.

not much material for an interesting read but here're some pictures to kinda sum up singapore, yes this is very late and yes i only have pictures of classies i can't find my other pictures and most of them are from other people's albums on facebook anyways......

wells the one thing that is pissing me off now is that i just realised school starts on the 30th and i am only reaching back on the afternoon of the 29th, ugh hello jet lag and messy room. pissed cause i like starting school knowing that my room's in place and my kitchen's filled to the brim with junk. cause once school starts who has the time to pack??!! ARRGHHH i thought school started on the 31stt and YES one day does make a difference.

expectations

on a very random note, i was talking to my brother and realised something else. for most of my life i've kinda been living by what i perceive to be people's expectations of the kind of person i am. for instance, i do not doubt that my brother is smarter than me and that there is no way i can get better grades than he did. and i kinda saw that that made me limit myself? cause he's gonna become an eye surgeon(fingers crossed) and i have been subconsciously thinking that there's no way i can be anything more complicated than that. i don't know, somehow it's been drummed into my subconscious for a very long time that brother yuen is smarter than me and that i can't go beyond what he has achieved. the brother told me to stop limiting myself and to try to beat him. i think i just might.

couple of things i used to see myself as and that i have realised may be false are:

1) i'm athletic- truth be told i think i'm a slower runner than most other people though i run regularly. hai...

2) i'm pretty- thanks everyone who has at some point in my life uttered those words to me, but good God i woke up a few days ago, looked into the mirror and.. i don't see what you see and while i acknowledge that i am not ugly i'm definitely not what i would describe as pretty. opposers are blinded by my dazzling smile and personality. and do not leave tags saying otherwise cause i will feel awkward and i will smack you.

3) i'm doomed to be as bad tempered as The Parent(reckon i should be more discreet in my rants)- of all the things i think about myself this has to be the most crippling because all my life i've been fighting against what i believe to be bad-temepered genes derived from The Parent - but i've come to realise some people just deserve to be yelled at. yes i think from now i shall unleash my anger more often. i deserve to!!!

ya i have more but i need to take a shower now. will continue another time!!

huayshan

about priorities or about being a sour puss

so i've been missing for a bit- but not as long as liz ha ha - cause nothing has really been happening. singapore was lovely, that goes without saying! thinking back about the 3 weeks i had there.... the birthday was lovely, the outings were awesome, the ecp runs were tear-inducing, the 5 times i saw wan yun was miraculous and i still love her very much, the omg going back to vj was AMAZING, and the seeing mr ho was DOUBLE amazing.

so malaysia has been boring in comparison to those 3 weeks and i've been feeling a bit sore about seeing everyone else have the time of their lives travelling- but i was thinking in the shower and i came up with one of my little theories again *lightbulb*

not sure if im just trying to cheer myself up but the way i see it, i'm as lucky as the people who have exciting holidays cause the time i spend alone with my mother(my dad stays over at his farm a few days at a time) is priceless and we share such an intimate relationship that it's no longer a figure of speech for me to say that we share one soul. yea im cheesy shut it it's my blog. (and yours marianne, beg your pardon my dear!) holidays can be bought with money, but not the precious times that i spend with my mother. =)
ps no offence to people who are travelling, im just trying to console myself, i don't mean to say that my mom is better than everyone's or anything.. well she is to me but oh dear crap i am digging myself a hole aren't i, i will shut my pie-hole now.

but of course the minute i get back to uk im making holiday plans. heh.

more interesting post once i get bambi back,she's gone off for a minor surgery :(

huayshan