random musings

another week passes, and we're one step closer to the alevels.
MWAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHA.
okay that was the evil side of me speaking:)

first off. hello jeannie if ure there *waves* and aiyo, you very sweet i wanna eat u for dessert!
and jq, if u come for the third time, MOOOOOOOOOOOO.
kat, it's okay, and yessssssss soon pleasee.
vanessa, yoohoo?

i have this thing. where i analyse every aspect of my life and try to convince myself that i'm happy and satisfied with the way things are. it's a skill i picked up during my self-awareness camp. makes life seem brighter. so for now, i'ld think like, i'm on good terms with my family kerchiiing! i'm well, close to average when it comes to studies kerchiing! i have enough decent pals to keep me alive kerchiiing! and well the list goes on. trust me u'll suddenly think, 'eh why my life seems so perfect one ah?' but i think i'm running out of brain juice cause i've been feeling a little blue recently and none of my analytical shit seems to be able to make me feel better.

then i kind of think i know why i'm being so moody and uncomfortable.
i can't let go
i keep thinking, what if, what if i had stayed in odac, what if i had run faster during x-cty.
i keep being reminded of how i'm being treated like shit when i freeze during lectures and curse and swear about not getting the jacket.
i keep seeing that maroon bag around school and though i yearn to be a part of the team and to carry it, i have, at the same time, an uncanny disregard for the bag.
i keep nursing my damaged ego when i see other sports people running around.
i keep comparing my team to the hockey and soccer team. school rep or not, they TRAIN TOGETHER.

i've always been a rather bad tempered girl, but over the years, i've tried to supress the monster in me. i've seen bad temper in a person and trust me, i know how much damage it can cause to the impression one projects. but recently i've been feeling a familiar sensation fire up in me. for the first time in my life, i feel hatred, true blue hatred. i've been taking pleasure in spreading my venom around, making people turn against those i dislike.

but it's pointless. i think i have to move on. i don't want to talk about how unfairly i'm being treated anymore. i don't want to keep thinking about how some people aren't getting what they deserve. come on huay shan. there are other things that are more worthy of your time. i sat down for an hour going through my literature text today i and derived such joy from it! it was amazing. i had completely forgotten why i take lit.i had completely forgotten what it feels like to really understand a text. and there's my tutoring. it gives me a feeling that i've never felt before. a feeling that can only be felt when u know that ure time has been well spent to help another fellow homosapien:)

i'll never ever badmouth my ex-teammates anymore. i'll not regret joining the team. and (this requires the most effort) i'm going to forgive (can i please say this for the very last time!) the anal, hideously deformed bloodsucker and low-life, self-centred life-ruiner with forty pitchforks from hell stuck up his wrinkled,taut-wannabe ass. sorry ah ruiyi. i'm gonna be very passive from now on. all i'll talk about is ure class stuff and my class stuff, and well perhaps our future:)

long post aye? i'm done with feeling sore and sorry for myself and jealous of other ccas that seem to be blooming so well. what's done is done and i'm going to make the best out of the situation that i'm in. what's left for me is my studies. and my friends. and my tutoring. so, i'm gonna be VERY smart,a VERY good friend, and an inspiring tutor. (yeah right) if there's anyone else feeling like shit you might wanna try my analyse-theory-thingaling. it does work from time to time :D

maaaaa the goatie

COMMON TEST RESULTS!
the most shocking would have to be chem. i was already prepared for an E and yes when i got back my paper i stared at it blankly, while fred rejoiced over the money he had won from me due to my lack of self-confidence. HA. not that i got an A, i got a C, but. seriously. UNEXPECTED. math made me smile, haha at last i'm out of the 40+ range, and bio was slightly disappointing, but ohwell.it's over. overall i'm OKAY with my results, but i'm not overjoyed.

i've been really enjoying school these days. i don't know, but i genuinely believe that i have the nicest bunch of people in my class. during breaks, everyone just sits together and we're all able to get a really fun and amusing conversation going, regardless of who's at the table. i just really enjoy eating and talking with the whole bunch of 06s33 people. i don't know, but i'm trying to appreciate every school day as much as i can cause i know that time passes LIKE THE FLASH and before i know it it'll be time to say goodbye and bang my head on the wall over a levels :p like really. can u imagine screwing alevels? nobody cares bout your 7 distinction in o levels. all they see is that ugly looking alevel certificate. it's like that bloody piece of paper determines whether i eat ikan billis or salmon for the rest of my life. I WANT SALMON :(

this picture was taken.. about the time sarabay left for australia, and boy does that seem so long ago now. i can't really remember the last time i felt happy and un-stressed going out with the WHOLE TEAM. i think it goes way back to the time we watched the omen. ah. i guess things happen for a reason and i'm willing to let the whole thing go cause i'm downright sick and tired of worrying, and feeling inferior. and i HATE being looked down upon. I hate people shooting me condescending looks. i'm done with it and i'm glad to put it behind me.

twinnies birthday!

alright, so we celebrated the twins birthday at delifrance and i must say it was awesome! i really enjoyed catching up with you guys! even though the time spent was short, since you guys HAD to rush off for tuition, i'm sure it was still special and i'm glad you guys liked the gifts :) a lot of heart and soul was put into it ok!! :) ah it's times like these that make me ever so thankful to have friends like these :) close friends whom you can pour everything out to even though you haven't spoken to them or seen them in ages! so thank you shan twins and chang for making my saturday afternoon special and great fun :) please do not forget our next catch up session! :) and hope you twins had an awesome birthday! pictures:

my favourite twins :) happy 18th girls!

the five of us! lots of love :)

tomorrow's half day! i absolutely cannot wait! stomp the yard plus half price waffles and hopefully oyster and chicken mee sua with the ruggers awaits! :) :) maybe there might be more donut factory donuts too :) ahhh :) lovely :) i love half days! it still feels like the holidays! the sad reality is, it's not and we still have to go back to school! boooo! on the bright side, there are friends to look forward to :) oh well, time to sleep again :) heh goodnight everyone! :) for now, here's some eye candy :D something i wasted 3 hours of my life on!

kabooshika!

'allo 'allo!

when i was young i was an avid reader. one of my GREATEST heroes was CAPTAIN HADDOCK from the tintin series! GAWD i loved that man. billions of blue blistering barnacles oh man he's MY TYPE of guy. anyway i'm getting a bit random here.

double fun today! enjoyed the company i was with VERY much. mmmhmm yeapppp. marianne photos faster!!! also went for the food fair at suntec with a bunch of mad cows and oman it's DISGUSTINGLY crowded and the food's totally weird. like chilli and glutinous rice ice cream. mad right?eeyerr.

and im kinda looking forward to school starting. i wonder if i'll be happy, hmmmm. ah well.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH!

(:

this hols has been centred around rugby :) but i'm glad to have this type of holiday! training has taken up most of the holidays but it's been great :) hanging out with the team has been awesome :) i'm ever so grateful to have such a fantastic team and i'm glad i've gotten to know them a lot better :)





so wednesday was the m1 school series. well, i must say i'm really proud of the team! :) despite our horrible attacks, our defence held strong most of the time and we emerged as plate champions :) i must say i don't think i contributed much really and i was really disappointed and pissed off with myself for letting someone through on defence. i can't believe myself!! it was totally uncalled for and yet, i did it. sigh. i guess i'll really have to improve on my defence! i need to improve on so many other things as well like an extra pass out! rahh. at least through this competition, i'm able to realise my weaknesses? it's a good thing! so i'll just have to keep working hard at it and hopefully i'll see an improvement! as for now, it's back to contact training and tackling! haha contact training is super fun! and filled with lots of falling down and laughter :) i just wish i could tackle properly! heh. but the fitness is to die for. my god. so anyway, here're the photos!

plate champs :)

exco! (we miss you nat!)

us and the juniors who were bowl runner ups! :)

happy 18th twinnies and stellamon!
thanks you guys for being one of the most fantastic people i know! thanks for bringining joy and spicing up my life! i love you guys to bits :) have a super fun day :) love love!

boom

ahhhh it's been an extremely nice and relaxing break. mmmhmmm. i've been doing lots of snoozing, eating and well, sleeping. and i've enjoyed every single minute of the hols! went for my first run after THREE weeks today and ah i feel good. exercise is like a mild drug; you can't survive without it after doing it for a long period of time. mmmhmmm yeappp.

talked to the other team ppl too and i do miss them so man.. i even miss zhi wei and his crap. eunice and her grumbling. ahh.

school's starting next week and i'm all HYPED up for it! i had a really good rest and break and i'm ready to start my engine, BROOOM BROOOOOOM! i remember this period of time, last year. OLC. ahh, you have NO idea how much i regret dropping odac. sure i tell myself lots of times i've gained things from my current cca(GAWD i can't even bring myself to type its name out cause my teacher-in-charge thinks i'm unworthy of being part of the team) that i wouldn't have gotten from odac. but ahh bleh. my only consolation is that without my current cca, i wouldn't have some of the close friends that i have now.

meeting one of my favouritEST girlfriends tommorow and i can't wait, cher. i won't be late :p you know i've made her wait an hour before. heh.

lastly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERLYN AND CORRINE HO! may the mahashita tribe bless you and your scrambled eggs!

burp

first post after CTs! ah i'm feeling extremely liberated to be able to walk around without a massive cloud hanging over my head. and without a constant urge to pop two paracetemols into my body.

okay this is a nice small message from my two little cousins to everyone. they would like to say:

Hello nice to meet u . U know shan sleep for 14 hours today. she sleep like a pig.

Hello my name is jay jay the jet plane.

haha alright be sure to send your replies to them ah or ill come after all of you with a chainsaw.anyway i've been positively ahhh, relaxed the past few days and i hope it's been the same for you all too! ah the bliss of watching SSEF people mugging for CTs. haha seeya all soon!

cts over! whoot!!

yay! the dreaded cts are finally over! they were far from fantastic but i'm not gonna think about it no more cos it's overrrr! :)

these past two days have been awesome! spending time (and money too!) with my favourite people from nj! :) i'm really grateful for all the friends i've found in nj, for belly justin sasha and the touch team especially :) it's been great spending the past 2 days and the mugging period with them. i really don't know how i'd survive without them! i'm just glad and ever so thankful for having them in my life. they're there to share joy and sorrow and they're a great and fun bunch too! what in the world will i do without them!!

so the last 2 days have been spent eating a lot! went for rice table with belly and justin on thursday and stuffed my face silly! we ordered 3 rounds of food! my god! we totally outlasted the rest cos we were the first to arrive and last to leave. my goodness! i bet the guy must've been amazed/bewildered at us! i guess we're gonna get banned from that place soon :/ i met the ruggers there after for thai express. first time i didn't eat! haha i was wayyy too stuffed. so i had this mango drink which was real good :) we TRIED queueing up for doughnuts but gave up after 10 mins. so, we're gonna go at the opening time on monday! muahahahahha! watch out peeps! we're gonna own the place! i swear! haha :) i can't wait!!

yesterday was the most tiring day ever! road run in the morning drained me of whatever energy i had left in my legs. training thereafter was horrid! the sun was merciless and so was training! we did our usual 5 rounds of phart leks and i almost died. thereafter, we did some light drills.. and then the killer came. we did fitness that required us to do sprints! across the whole freaking field! and we still had to play game (or at least a bit of it) i swear! i nearly died of exhaustion!!!! goodnessss! how the hell did i survive that? but at the end of the day, i felt satisfied, accomplished and completely exhausted! that explains why i slept for a loong time last night! i could've slept longer if my aircon was working! bahh!

so i'll spend today slacking, sleeping and watching tv :) yay! :) :) i can't wait! for now, it's back to my fall out boy and mika!!! i'm gonna get high i tell you! :) i'm seriously going madd!

happy birthday shari and bryan! :)

sucking too hard on your lollipop
but love's gonna get you down
say love
say love
oh love's gonna get you down :)

ohno

okay people.
rub your eyes.
stretch your arms high above your head.
look at this closely.

i am stressed out.

haha super anti-climax right, i bet you were prepared to see something more phenomenal like, i'm actually a man or something. okay ANYWAY! first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANYUN! next. OH GOD i wish i hadn't stayed to watch the seniors collect their a level results. i ended up with really mixed feelings and now i'm kinda feeling like poo and about ten minutes ago i opened my bio textbook, shrieked, and tossed it into my laundry basket.

common test is coming.
stress is settling in.
it's a pretty common sight now to see walking zombies around vj, and well, empty lecture halls. you hear endless murmurs saying things like-wah my head pain damnit and how am i going to finish studying this crap?i've been suffering from insomnia and my souvenir from the pole hugging expedition HURTS LIKE CRAP.i'm even losing hair, and nope, it's not because of over-consumption of maggi mee, it's cause i have recently developed the bad habit of yanking out my hair whenever i get a question wrong. soon, i'll be best friends with terence cao and beijing 101. arghhh.

i hate mendel and his pea pods. like i said. eating peas will never be the same again. i'll always think about the PAIN i am going through now to learn about why peas behave the way they do.

it's simply exasperating. it's simply frustrating. i just realised that mental strength is one of the most important things a person can have. and i'm slowly losing mine. but seeing my seniors today kind of sent a boost of adrenaline through me. will it last? i don't know. sorry lah if i'm emo-ing. sigh. a girl has to BE a girl. oh man.

seeyouallaround.