closure

well officially "ended" my teaching stint today though i have to come back on friday night and sat morning, but ah. been a great experience! i got a new pink bottle from some 4A people,many thanks and i got lots of boo-hoo faces and "gasp, ure leaving so soon?why??"s so i'm content. as u all prob know huay shan loves flattery.

so i was going to meet li lynn yesterday when she msged me and told me to give her another one+ hours to get ready. was planning to walk around parkway when vanessaDAHLING msged me that she had thrilling news. called her and yelped "YOU GOT INTO NUS MED" to which she responded "pfftttt, NOO, there's a huge guess sale in taka!!" to which i yelped LOUDER and so i headed to taka IMMEDIATELY and started shoving hands aside and grabbing bags. lots of stuff there but i zoomed in onto the guess bags. so lovely(:

then there's lilynn, my malaysian friend. last saw her when i was thirteen in malaysia. nice girl, super malaysian i swear u can tell whether someone's malaysian or not(if you're a malaysian) and i really enjoyed my time with her yes i did,li lynn! i foresee a rekindling of an old "pet-sister"hood. we did lots of things but the thing that really sticks in my mind is our yelling,"HELP HELP RUNRUN! " as we were risking our lives jaywalking so that we could save a few minutes. heh.

life's good.let's hope it sticks.

** huay shan

yet another week has come and gone. pretty soon it'll be the end of may (: oh happy day!

this week has been pretty much the same: work, trainings and driving lessons. guess that's what my life now revolves around. although it's monotonous, i guess it could be much worse. so i'm trying to be happy.

beach touch today was fun! it was heart warming and funny playing with the saints again. it was hilarious in fact, but they're a bunch of fun. i really miss playing with the team! at least we got to catch up and have some fun in the sun even though the sun has drained me of every ounce of energy.

i should really stop buying books. i have been buying books at an abnormal rate. it's not good for my resolve to save money for all my trips. although it's giving me something constructive to do, spending too much money on them is still not good for my pocket! i need to stop and slow down but i can't! it seems to be soothing for me. ridiculous as it sounds, it works for me. it brings me to a happy place. i was so excited and thrilled about finally finding My Friend Leonard at kino! i've been searching high and low for it and i finally found it! i can't wait to start reading it but first, i've got to re-read a million little pieces so that i'd get the full picture. funny how such a controversial book is actually quite inspiring. it's a great read because somehow even though my life is not fucked up in many ways, there are some parts of it which are. so, i can definitely relate to what he's saying.

oh well, despite another work week, there's always the friends and family who never fail to make things seem better (:

p.s: i think i've got the greatest parents in the world! i told them i liked to eat the strawberry shortcake from nectarie and they went all the way there to get me 2 slices! how sweet! it totally made my day/week. (: <3

it's really you but nobody knows

okay it's finally friday. BEH. a month to go before i hit thailand. that reminds me i need to borrow a trolley bag from somebody. anyone got extras? i'm a responsible girl don't worry.

today was pretty interesting. final lesson with my precious 4A and i guess i do feel a sense of accomplishment, i was pretty afraid i'ld screw up halfway and end up having to beg rachel to take over but nopeeeee,huay shan did it all by herself(: it's sucky that i have to leave just as i finally got used to the students. i wonder if i'll be able to adapt to the lifestyle in birmingham. what if i end up as an asian geek?beh.

as i was heading home just now, an indian lady begged me to stay in the toilet with her while she put on her belt(she insisted on telling me about her pants which were supposedly very loose, hence the need for a belt) cause she was afraid of being murdered and raped in the toilet. and being the kind generous soul i am, i obediently stood beside her while she put on her belt.

well here's something that could be interesting to read.i was waiting in 5B for a lesson and was daydreaming about dinner when i suddenly heard this girl scolding a malay guy,went something like why you stepping on my class chair?? and they guy stood stunned for awhile as the girl continued raving and ranting about how he can't step on chairs cause they'll get dirty. i kinda thought he would be embarrased and like sheepishly shuffle away but he suddenly put on this really scary face and screamed at the girl and before i knew it they started fighting like really fighting. some guy held the malay boy back so it was alright but i was super stunned haha. and the whole class was darned kaypo all of them like stopped what they were doing and stared at the duo. i was like asking if i should do something but dearest amanda went like nono nevermind lah i want to watch show! haha and just when everything was back to normal we heard some shouts from the floor above and before i knew it the whole class spilled outside eagerly searching for signs of a catfight or at least some sort of a scene.super funny i tell you. haha!

off to bed.i'm missing so many of you.

** huay shan

there's so much you don't know

am here for a quick update. been busy teaching the whole week and tomorrow's my last day with 4A. phewwwww and boooohoooo. ah. many things have happened but i'm way too tired to elaborate. been thinking my blog's been way too flooded with teaching stuff anyway.

can't wait to meet some friends my age. goodness been hanging around ppl way older and way younger than me and i'm getting a bit warped now. BEEEHH. oh and had fun with rachel a few days back. kinda an impromptu thing, we went to chinatown to pick up some stuff to make jewellery! i ended up spending 30 bucks and am planning to get more. hahaahha and we hung around eating all sorts of random things,she insisted on buying me tutu kueh. HAHA nice girlie my rachel. quite sad i wont get to see her once i stop work next wed.

i think i got rejected from nus. am very insulted but not too bothered. hahaha mostly insulted.

i miss being a student and i hate getting attached to people and lifestyles. i'm gonna hate leaving my job i've really gotten to like the students very much. oh crap i'm back to talking about school. okay a signnn that i should ggoooo away and bathe. smeeelllllyyy. alrights enough nonsense.

i want to run in east coast with eunice yip and sing stupid songs so she'ld smack my head in that very eunice way.
i want to eat the ham and egg jia cheese in veejay.
i want to hear peiying say "cmon girls, you can do it"(tho i'ld want to smack her after that)
i want to have another literature lecture with mr james ho talking about ferdinand.
i want to quarrel with wanyun and bicker with elise and elizabeth and lina about stupid things.
i want to sleep in LT5 during mr foo's lectures.
i want to know what's gonna happen to me in ten years time.

BEH.

**huay shan

i haven't been here in a while too! so here's a quick update:

1. highlight of last week- we will rock you with xp, shuj and sam! i must say watching it for the second time around was definitely not disappointing. on the contrary, i enjoyed it even more. it was probably due to the awesome company and the energy of the theatre. though it wasn't a sold-out performance, it was a hell lot of fun. compared to the 1st time, the audience was more enthusiastic this time round. everyone was up on their feet and cheering by the last scene. we were no exception. wow, it was so awesome! i'm so glad i went for it again! the cast was spectacular and i got to see the killer queen and not her understudy. she was stunning. very charismatic. amazing voice too! all in all, it was a great experience! loved loved loved it! too bad it's not here permantly. oh well, all good things must eventually come to an end, unfortunately.

2. work hasn't been fine and dandy. the appeal finally came to a favourable end. fortunately, the work load has lightened and now, we're doing more admin stuff. at least it's a change but i'm really getting tired of working and having to rush everywhere as a result. i guess that's just part of working life which i have to get used to. but sometimes, i just wish i could just take a step back and slow down. the sad thing is, i haven't had a proper dinner or been able to enjoy my dinner every weekday. i'm only able to do so on weekends. i think that's pretty sad. oh well, at least weekends are my sanctuary. i'm content with staying at home and doing nothing! it doesn't help that things in the office are quite sad as well. it's miserable. i can't wait for the end of may, when i can finally be free! free from the rushing, free from the dullness in the office and free from constant bombardment, which makes life oh so miserable.

3. i would like to tell you about this guy i met. but first, let me tell you about this lift. to operate this lift, you have to key in the floor number you wish to go to and it'll point you to the lift you have to take. then came this guy, who pressed his desired floor and was 'assigned' to the same lift as me. however, seeing that the lift was taking a long time to come, he decided that by pressing other floors, he'd be assigned to a different lift which would hopefully come faster than this lift. so that's exactly what he did. he started pressing many floors. no, i shouldn't say pressing, i should use the word jabbing with much force, so much, in fact, that they almost broke. unfortunately for the both of us, no matter which floor he keyed in, it all pointed to the same lift. WTF. so, when we entered the lift, he alighted wayy before me. thus, before reaching my floor, i had to stop at so many other floors where no one boarded or alighted. that TOTALLY made my day. fucking asshole. what a bloody fucktard with no fucking brains.

4. there are sooo many books i wanna read. 7 and counting. i managed to find all of them but unfortunately, they all cost more than $25. so, if i were to buy all, it'll cost me a total of at least or about $175. man, that sucks. i really really hope i can find and get them!! and the worst part is, i can't really rank which ones i wanna read first. i guess i wanna read: my friend leonard, change of heart, notes from an exhibition and where the heart is. these are the ones i am really dying to read on top of my secret keeper, which i just bought. all i have to do now is keep hunting and finish my current read, which i don't really like. yet, i wanna finish it to make my money worth while, even though i totally regret buying it. too dramatic for my life. oh well, we make mistakes and we learn.

ok, i think that's enough. tomorrow is yet another sad day in the office. on a brighter note, i'm beginning to enjoy trainings a bit more now cos i'm getting more comfortable with the np girls and that makes trainings more fun. and, the bangkok trip and now hongkong trip are both looking good! (: so hopefully things will start looking up. i really hope so.

xoxo,
mar

a meaningful week

i have not been here for very very long!

first off. i had a veerrrry eventful week. monday lessons were canceled cause of a learning fiesta(yay!) then tues to fri was tirrriiing. been with 4A and 5B a lot and i'm really getting to like them plenty! most of them,on a very individual level. as i talk to some of them i realise that we could probably be tight buddies if we were classmates or schoolmates! BEH. been really fun. tues i gave 4A a test,wed and thurs i went for driving(okay that was random) and oh, i tried using the visualiser thing for one of my lessons but i really can't figure it out i couldn't keep the paper straight roar and i couldn't get their attention though i must commend this particular student, shafi'e for patiently nodding and looking at me despite my rambling and flustered-ness. heh ill just use a marker and whiteboard next week. and today 4A was extremely guai and it was one of my favourite lessons with them! three periods(aka 1.5 hrs) of emath, i gave them a practice tys paper and they so obediently did their work quietly and ahhh i was very content and happy.

and i like that the 4A people are very open and unselfish. heh. i couldn't figure out some questions, some strange vector thing and i was wasting brain cells while battling a tummyache trying to find the value of vector FE when weijian and dalston(two of my favourites) generously offered to explain the solution to me. okay fine more like:
"ohhhh i know how to dooo. see right, this ah. see right,...."
"wait wait. u explaining how to find FE?"
"yahh"
"okay wait explain to me too"
"*smirks* okay see rightttt......"
hahahaha and atikah cracks me up all the time with her nonsense and her briyani rice. heh!!

played pingpong with brother sen just now. fun but very nonsensical.involved lots of running around and THWACKING of the ball. haha! oh oh and my brother's a real doctor now! no longer a medical student, a DOCTOR. proud.

day out with kayak girls on sunday. hrmmph. but what i can't wait for is BANGKOK. but actually anticipating the trip is part of the fun(:

** huay shan

:)

today is a semi-happy day.
days have been better so far, which is a good thing. i'm glad my days have been better because being emo is really not fun. though things aren't fine and dandy, i think they're getting there.
for starters, i had a really cool driving instructor today! he was such a nice dude, someone i could talk to, which is a pretty rare trait in many of my other instructors. for one, this guy and i have a lot in common! he was a good instructor and a great person to talk to! so i had a really enjoyable and fruitful driving lesson today! i just hope i get him more often!
then, good news came this afternoon too! shuj managed to get really good student seats for we will rock you! $50 for category 1 tickets! what a steal! and yes, i'm gonna watch we will rock you again. it sounds nuts but i'm really excited! even though i know exactly what's gonna happen. i am really so excited to see mig again, to see vic, pop and all the others! AHH! i can't wait! and to think i'm only paying $50?!?! awesome deal! i can't wait!
so these few days have been looking up, though i'm missing my pal who is stuck in tekong. sigh. never thought i'd miss my pal, guess i just miss the company during the day. it's really weird not having someone to talk to the whole day, for me at least. i have soo much to tell but it's gotta wait till the weekend since i only get a reply like once a day and calling would just take up too much battery. oh well, at least i still have jen and the other ruggers to keep me company still! i think without the ruggers and my favourite ij people, my life would just be wayyy too dull. so i'm thankful and glad i still have them around and i know they're not going anywhere anytime soon(:
yay! great happenings are coming up so i'm excited! at least there're things to look forward to in life other than the usual worries, which make life so dull.
bangkok! we will rock you! argentina! touch!

xoxo,
mar

ohmymothercowfatherbull!
the past 2 days have been hell. jen and i have been constantly swamped with work, having no time to watch any tv or to read any nonsense on the internet, except for that rare 30 minutes during lunch. after that, it's time to work, work, work. i honestly am, exhausted.
today, i practically rushed out tonnes of documents. i had to conference call with my horribly blocked nose so i probably sounded like an idiot, compile stuff, photocopy stuff and rush those out by lunch so i can make it for dispatch. after lunch, it was amending agreements and submissions. after being so proud of myself for completing my work on time and on schedule, more work came pouring in, starting the whole process all over again. i've been so busy, that i can't remember what i did yesterday. my memory is failing me and that's not a good thing.
for the first time, in a long time, i can really say TGIF. i'm really exhausted and am in desperate need of a perfectly relaxed weekend. i'm so glad i do not have a match tomorrow. i'm in no physical shape to play anyway, but i will be by monday! i look forward to that cos i feel myself growing weaker already.
today's rushing has left me completely brain dead. i have never rushed to so many places in such a long time. it's really draining.
so here's to a great weekend of chill-laxing!! i absolutely cannot wait. bring on the tv, books, music and bed please! weekends are my sanctuary. i have a horrible, sinking feeling that this process will be repeated again with greater intensity next week because it's the due date for submissions. i am SO looking forward to that.
i really, absolutely cannot wait for the end of may to come. one thing good about this busy schedule is that i'm saving up more, which is equivalent to higher spending power in bangkok! i'm so excited, looks like plans are materialising and the more i read about bangkok, the more excited i become! food, shopping and great company are always good factors that make a perfect holiday. let's cross our fingers and pray that nothing goes wrong!
by the way, cher, don't forget to call them up tomorrow during lunch and keep me updated! in the meantime, i will keep checking for affordable and great restaurants! keep checking your e-mails guys! i will share my great findings with you guys! (:
p.s: whoever is feeling super generous, please donate money so that we can enjoy the restaurant with the rooftop view, which costs about 2500 baht per person without alcohol! i wanna go there cos it looks uber pretty! the view is breathtaking and the food looks delicious! so please, donate some money!

today was my first day (after the trigo-disaster) in 4A. and here, let me once again tell yah all what happeneddd.

well,firstly, i got a few favourites already. there's weijian and dalston who are chao smart but keep bombarding me with questions. there's atikah who keeps asking me questions and answering them herself. there's laura and jasmine who i must say are very patient cause it took me a bambizillion minutes to explain question 1(a). then there's eugene and shafie-ee and martin who are quiet but very guai. then we have my yijing,xiying and yuxin! cute as ever and extremely warm. i find it very amusing when they quarrel for my attention. goes something like:
"ms yuen!!"-person A
"coming!!"- huayshan
"eh ms yuen how to do this ah?"-someone i pass on my way to person A
"oh,like thiss......"-huayshan
"oi you don't keep cutting my queue can??wahlauway!"-person A(usually eugene)

hahha funny.

but of course it isn't all rosy all the time.i didn't feel too good or bad bout today's lesson. not bad cause they did their work and i answered a few questions. not good cause i feel like i didn't manage to connect with those i'm supposed to connect with.was given a list of people who are doing badly and whom i'm supposed to lavish with extra attention but the people who keep asking me qns are usually the more motivated and smart ones! there are two people i'm very concerned about, they were really rude to me but i can see it's all a putup and the minute i stop being nice and start being strict they're gonna crack. this guy was pretty darned rude today and i was thiiiiss close to snapping at him. i just looked at him for ten seconds, shook my head and walked away.

enough bout that. more about mah life. nothing much lahs. haven't been seeing many people lately. corrine suddenly told me today that my driving book is in her house what's up with that ah, i haven't even set foot in her new house before!! strange. ohwell.

I HAVE JUST RECEIVED NOTICE THAT LOUISE CAN GO TO BANGKOK!!everybodeh i am going to shop my guts out at bangkok at the end of may with my four buddddssss(: corrine!! faster contact me we gotta meet up one day and discuss the details!loveya all!!

*** huay shan

something you don't know

okay today was officially off cum errands day! let me tell you what i did today. super productive. went for isat, went to collect pr, went to sign up for more driving lessons,and am preparing tomorrow's lesson now. (more like doing three revision exercises. i feel like i'm taking my olevels all over again) anyhow the highlight of my day was probably in the morning. i was really damn sian,didn't want to go for the isat test but i paid 300 bucks for it so i had no choice but to drag mahself outta bed and go all the way to orange grove road for a 3hr long test. i made a new rj friend in the lift,borrowed her eraser, and i bumped into **! talked awhile to him as we were waiting for the test to start but why oh why do i always behave like a mentally deranged,bombastic fool in his presence? sigh. i kept touching on the wrong issues and i have a feeling i may have accidentally insulted or bruised his ego more than once. unintentionally.i think it's sth in the eyes that hypnotises me. switches off my brain and activates the monster in me. ah:( maybe this'll end some day.

i have to move on to prepare more exercises now. takecare!!

stories to share(:

okay gotta make this quick,i'm stealing someone's wireless network. okay first off i would like to say i officially love teaching. haha and i like 4A very much. though many didnt turn up for the eng lesson -_- i pretty much like the people better. hmm. looking forward to friday. another thing, i was told i may end up jobless for the whole of may(cause of exams) and may not teach anymore after june hols and i'm sad! beginning to get emotionally attached and there are some people i genuinely do NOT want to leave behind. though i want to complain yes i do,i officially do not like two teachers. won't say who but i wish they would stay out of my way! bu xi huan!

okay i shall lengthen this post. alright. some random stories. there was a buffet spread outside the staff room about two days back and rachel and i were heaping food onto our styrofoam plates when this lady beside me suddenly muttered(as she stared dumbly at the metal buffet tray thingie filled with brown stew and chunks of meat)
"hmmm... cereal fish.. where's the cereal?" (cause the label in front of the tray said cereal fish)
and huay shan generously said:
"oh the cereal fish is there..*points* this is hainanese lamb stew"
"ohhh......"

about twenty mins later as i was wolfing down some hainanese lambs, rachel commented:
"did you know that was the vice principal you were talking to?"
huayshan:"???!!!!"

then we come to 4A. i had just received an essay from this indo girl and i commented:
"wah nice handwriting!indonesians have really good handwriting eh?"
and this messy guy says:
"cher... biased lah you cher... why never say singaporean got nice handwriting.."
huay shan:
"*points to his paper* look at YOUR handwriting! transfer looks like ftou-ftou!(it really did)"
boy:
"cher..... wah lau..."(as everyone guffaws with laughter)

5B today. taught this guy that i've never taught before math. and he's very quick! sometimes i think most of them can do well with proper guidance. i just go brabrabrabra and they understand. amazing. anyhow as i was explaining things to him, more people came flocking to my seat and listening and i really like that(: happppppy cause i did good work. alright off to sleep.

***huay shan

bangkok!

i wish time would fly from now till 30th may!
i'm really very excited about our long-awaited trip!
though it won't be perfect cos one of us won't be coming along, i'm sure it'll be a stellar trip nonetheless (:
i'm really looking forward to the weekend markets, nightmarkets, roadside stalls and good thai restaurants.
most importantly, i'm looking forward to spending a whole weekend with my favourite people (:
so please, spare me the agony and let time fly!
i hope things will work out from now on.
any cancellations or minor shocks would send me straight into depression!
ah, i'm really excited!!
can't wait for the details to be confirmed!!
as for now, even though i have like a million other things to do, i'm spending my afternoon just reading up on travel guides about bangkok!
yes, i'm that excited!

huay shan loves pink pink pink

okay not much tah say but here goes. firstly, had fun over the weekend. am so screwed cause i have not prepared my lessons for tmr,but it's alright i'm cool.

and all the lovely people who are so concerned about mama shan! big kisses to all but im good.just needed a place to rant. but every small msg/tag made mah day. and specially to STELLA pls ah. meet. oh one more thing. anyone out there wanna watch the movie about the boleyn sisters with me? MSG ME.

OKAY MAIN TOPIC.guess what people(don't get jealous) huay shan has officially gotten her first laptop. yep,heard it right. i was completely taken by surprise. let me dictate the sequence of events for your reading pleasure,shall i?

ytd brother called shan.

bro:eh tmr meet up we go to funan mall tgt to buy laptop for you and ma k?

shan:??uh.okay.

upon reaching funan mall the next day.

shan:(thinks: all laptops so boring all look the same. cheeee)

bro:shan go choose one you like.

shan:okay(thinks: aiya i rather you choose for me so leceh)

suddenly.

shan:(sees pink laptop) sen how bout that?

bro:(grimaces) sony very ex leh. choose sth else?

shan:(thinks: sigh only rich ppl get those kind of comps. back to boring black.)

bro:(kindly)shan i promise you'll go home with a pink laptop today.

shan:(thinks: i love you so much but i'm still not scratching your feet)

one hour later,we walked past the same shop.

father:eh lets see this shop.

bro:eh shan, the price not bad leh. got promotion!

shan:??!!##$@@@## (sees that its wayyyyy cheaper than the laptop father was planning to buy for her)

eventually.... i got it. look at the lovely pic! cant take a pic of my own(no camera) but my baby looks just the same,only prettier!

on the way back.

bro: see,told you i'ld get you a pink laptop.

shan:(thinks: okay maybe a few scratches)

****huay shan

today is sunday.

sunday afternoons are usually left for sleeping

however, today, i spent it a little differently.

i used the time to catch WE WILL ROCK YOU instead.

i'm proud to announce that it was the best sunday thus far(:

it was a wonderful show -- funny, entertaining and mind-blowing.

i have never attended such a wonderful musical!

the cast was amazing! i loved the costumes and i felt that the cast members had amazing talent.

their voices were powerful and they had wonderful control.

and to make things better, their rendition of bohemian rhapsody, was the BEST i've heard, ever!

my favourite song done by one of my favourite rockstars together with one of the most amazing crew is absolute joy! i could listen to them forever and they would never tire me out! i swear, their rendition of bohemian rhapsody, was BLISS

i absolutely LOVED the musical and i wish i could watch it again 10 times over!

unfortunately, i don't grow gold trees at home, so i can't.

but seriously, this is a MUST WATCH musical! it's really worth every single cent paid and the 3 hours of your life.

i loved loved loved the show.

the only regret i had was not being able to take photos during the performance. i would love to have it ingrained in my memory for life! it's not something i'll ever want to forget!

and best thing?

I GOT TO SEE MIG AYESA PERFORM LIVE!! (:

something which i've wanted to do ever since i saw him on rockstar INXS. he was my favourite right up till the finale. although i was a tad bit disappointed that he didn't win, i'm now glad he didn't. if he won, i wouldn't get the chance to see him shine in his role in we will rock you. so maybe it was a good thing he didn't win!

anyhow, watching we will rock you has made my sunday. hell, it has made my week!

<3

i'm exhausted and i have tales of woe to share with everybody so please listen up if you have nothing better to do than to listen to huay shan's cries and moans.

1)i'll be reliefing a math teacher for the next two weeks. going to 4A(yes it's the one that i messed up real bad the other time) and so, i'll be seeing them FIVE times a week,during school hours(math relief),in between lessons(extra lessons for ppl who have free periods) and after school(people who want clinical sessions). well done huay shan!! i'm just really worried that they'll get sick of me. i'll be firm and do the best i can. that's all i can do. WORRIED.

2)today was bad for me. stayed back after school to help two students and i just felt that it didn't go too well. firstly,i felt that one student really took advantage of my brain cells. was helping him out with an english essay and it wen sth like this:

shan: so how do you wanna begin? ok you can start like this(blablabla) or this(blablabla)
student:errrr... *laughs* hmmm...
shan:(five mins of hmm-ing and laughing later) okay how bout this...

and so it went on and on and i ended up dictating the whole essay to the student. it isn't his fault. i know how it feels being at a loss for words. i'm not blaming him i'm blaming myself. i just didnt handle that well. i spoon-fed instead of taught. i was really angry by the end of the essay but i kept my temper under control and left the class smiling.

lets move on to the other student that got me boiling with rage. she's a pretty smart girl. but she's impatient. in short i tried teaching her the basics but she kept claiming that she knew everything but when i threw a few qns to her she got them all wrong. when i tried to explain she kept interrupting me and eventually accused me of making things complicated,saying that she understood the book better(and i was thinking,then why on earth are u asking me to tutor you?)
i got super angry and frustrated esp when she became rude and started hurling questions like "what can i do to prove to you that i understand?" and "yea i understand the book better than you" and she started adopting this really bitter and icy tone. i was seriously on the verge of scolding her but i kept my temper in check and just nodded and said okokokok a bazillion times.then at the end of the lesson she was like, oh teach me metals next week okay?and i mumbled bzzzbbzbzz.

i don't know what to do anymore. sometimes i feel like screaming and telling these people off. i get so furious so fed up and so disappointed. i feel like i've really learnt a lot and seen a lot after my teaching stint. i love helping people,i'm sure of that now because every productive lesson leaves me feeling really good and although i get really exhausted,i really dont mind staying back till 6 plus if the student genuinely wants to learn. but guess what.i'm human. people piss me off too. and right now that's sth i'm gonna have to learn to deal with cause as a doctor i sure can't scream at a patient. please tune in for the next 3 weeks,they should be preeetty interesting,what with more lessons with the above mentioned students and 4A. wish me luck.

***huay shan

just when i thought things were looking up, reality comes crashing down on me again.
i'm feeling all fucked up once again.
i'm really trying here. i'm trying so fucking hard. yet? it doesn't seem to pay off.

i know you're not given more than you can handle.
seriously, i don't think i'm doing a fantastic job at handling things.
and right now, i find it hard to believe because, i really doubt i can go on this way.
i'm really trying my utmost to articulate my emotions and take initiative.
but all i get is some fucking lame excuse or stupid replies, which just fuel my anger at myself and at the whole bloody situation.
i'm trying so fucking hard. so fucking hard.
i'm tired.
i have better things to worry and think about.

thanks a lot, for making my day oh-so-great. JUST when i thought things would get better. i was THIS close to feeling good all over again. THIS close.
saturday was a great night, i was immersed in the good ol' days.
maybe that's what i should do. forget.
yet, being the supermoron i am, i can't let go.
it'd be a waste of my 2 precious years if i do.
call me a moron, i admit it: i am.
a moron for hanging on and thinking there's still hope
well maybe there is, maybe there isn't.
it's up to you.
i fucking give up.
i'm tiredd, tired of trying, tired of taking initiative, tired of getting lame excuses.

pardon this entry, it's just some pent up anger that has been kept inside.
i'm just being an emo kid.
it'll blow over in time to come i hope.

thank you once again to my emo-partner (: you really make me feel a whole lot better and yes, i still want to take you up on that offer to kick some ass! aye you've really been such an awesome pal, who has stayed up countless nights listening to my rantings. you have no idea how much it's helped.

xoxo,
mar