about something that makes me go WTF?

Over the past month, I've received a marriage proposal and an offer to be somebody's girlfriend.

Both guys are attached.

What is wrong with the world??? I know they both weren't serious but it's just very alarming and I'm so so so ashamed to admit this, but for a split second I kinda wished that they would both break up with their girlfriends and come running into my arms *Slaps head* Sad loser.. I KNOW.

I'll dump my boyfriend-to-be on the spot if he utters a single flirtatious word to any other girl out there.

Till next thurs. Have a good week ahead (:

huay shan

About.... something funny and something not so funny.

It's been a really long week, I've been trying my best to make my time at Hereford as productive as possible and I'm glad to say I think I've kind of succeeded. There's still room for improvement but at least I'm starting to go through my lectures. for now that's good enough for me.

Instead of hanky-pankying like I normally do, I spent some of my evenings helping the on call doctors run some errands- I put 3 cannulas in this week, exciting! In case anyone's wondering, a cannula is kinda like a needle that has a plastic casing wrapped around it- so you insert it into the patient's veins, and then pull the needle out and leave the plastic casing in for administration of drugs etc. It's a bit trickier than blood taking and I made a fool of myself with 2 of the 3 cannulas I put in haha, the last one i did was tragic, long story short I ended up splashing some saline all over a little old lady(LOL)'s face and I had her blood all over my hands. Felt like Lady Macbeth haha. But nothing sinister, I splattered the blood all over after I got it out of her so she was in no pain *phew*. But very amusing. The doctor supervising me was a bit muddleheaded so together we made lethal combination of clumsiness and stupidity heh.

Besides that.. I've come to realise that I have to do a lot of work- I think all this while I've been a bit too relaxed, and I have been trying to work harder and to read more. It's exhausting though, I go out like a lightbulb at 12 sharp every night. Sometimes I feel like my life is consumed by what I do- and I worry about ending up a lonely workaholic but I guess I've got to try my best to strike a balance.

On another note-- (argh see everything i talk about is med related, I need to get a life!!)-- I was scheduled to go into eye surgery this week so my kind, unselfish brother rang me and told me all about the surgery I was going to see and I actually found it quite interesting- and after speaking to the surgeon I kinda think I wouldn't mind being an eye specialist- the hours are good and you get quite a bit of satisfaction out of it too. Just food for thought. Not committing to anything yet.

gonna have my dinner now (:

huay shan

about sitting on my pink fluffy rug

...

am sitting on my pink fluffy rug now thinking about life. Feeling tired. Not knowing what to say. It's been a hectic weekend and I loved every single second of it- I'm happiest when I see people I love and when I'm eating at a nice restaurant.

and so..?

I'm really tired. I''m glad to have this time to myself. Sometimes I get tired of being good. Tired of staying positive. Tired of pushing myself. Maybe we all need a break sometime. Take a step back- it's exhausting constantly trying to be good.

5 hours till I go back to my good self......
Maybe I'll just sit here and think for a bit.

Till next Thursday (:

huay shan

about STRESS

i am extremely stressed out- I dont like to whine about work cause everyone is busy but i really really really have a lot to do-

1) I have to speak to the parents of 2 babies, 4 acute patients and 3 chronic patients and write up their notes.

2) I have to develop questionnaires and go to primary schools for some research project thing

3) I have to study my lecture notes for exams in March

4) I have to read up on hospital notes cause OMG i am so STUPID, i just dont know enough, i don't study hard enough and I'm not thorough enough. Other medics will be shocked that I know so little.

5) I have to find 6 patients in hospital and follow them up and write up notes on them

6) I have to find a way to make my learning in hospital more productive- I almost cried today cause I've not taken blood for 2 months and today I tried again and failed, made the poor old lady bleed like mad, I felt so bad and I've just lost my confidence all over again :(

ARGH.

rant over, SORRY!!

Interesting things that happened last week............ helped out in a breast removal surgery, FUN! Nothing else exciting really happened.. Ah sometimes I just feel very pensive about things, because this term is mostly about following up on patients- I found one and we get along nicely and I see her almost everyday- it all started out with an ulcerated foot but when I saw her today she mentioned it may have to get amputated and it's just really different when you actually kinda know the person better- i felt so bad for her and I actually got mad at the doctors, but that's ridiculous cause I'm supposed to be on their side! It's an odd feeling that is.

SOOOOOO tired, but it's going to be a long hectic weekend. Goodnight (:

huayshan

about my 3daysoff(:

It's been such a nice weekend.. I have every alternate Friday off now- I really don't know why they're being so kind to us, they usually do something evil like make us come in at 2pm for a compulsory tutorial so the whole day is kinda ruined but i guess they've decided to be nice! for once!

I've done so many small things- went out for pancakes (mmmm apple and cinnamon), went to run, went shopping, bought a glittery silver wallet from forever 21. My two Asos dresses came today also, NICE!!!! (:

Tomorrow I have to run with Shi-Mei, go see some friends and say bye before I leave and then Erica's coming back yay!! and go to the supermarket to buy food, then take the 5.30pm train to Hereford and watch a film with the medics, I'm majorly excited cause one of the girls is a horror film buff also and she says she has a good film on her laptop *WHOOPEE!*

Everything is going peachy, and it's nice but it just makes me wonder sometimes- am i not taking enough risks or putting myself out there enough? Surely life can't be THIS uncomplicated? Ah. Thinking too much. My life will probably get messed up when the exams come anyway, considering my current laziness.

Okay aiyah give up lah i'll start work on Monday, now go learn Here Without You on Barbarella.

Tah!

Huay Shan

about my new placement (:

OKAY!!!

it's been quite an interesting week- been staying at Hereford and I just got back today, feels quite surreal! It's like having two separate lives. again.

I got there last Sunday and met all 9 of my fellow medics and they're all really nice, I get on with everyone quite well and I love the rooms cause they're realllly warm and BIG and it's fun, it's kinda like being in halls again, the other medics live either right across the corridor, or in a nearby flat and our flat doors are unlocked so it's nice barging into everyone's flats heh.

There's also another medic called Shaan and the fun starts when we are in the same room with other people.

"Shan, what are you doing later?"

"Oh.. going for surgery....."

"NOT you, GIRL SHAN"

"So what are the causes of xxx Shan?"

*Shan and Shaan cock heads up to look at the lecturer*

"HAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHHA"(everyone)

There are also so few of us that we're alone most of the time- in my previous placement, every GROUP was assigned a ward and now everyONE is assigned their own ward. I'm on a surgical rotation now and last week I scrubbed in for the first time it was amazing! And again, because there are so few of us, we each got assigned our own surgical theatres and I was in orthopedics (think bones, joints, muscles) and it was disgustingly gory. I held a patient's arm while the surgeon drilled nails into a metal plate that was holding his fractured bones together. Wasn't queasy, strangely enough, was just fascinated. I spent another 4 hours watching this instrument being fit around this guy's leg- almost fainted here cause 4 HOURS on my feet wearing a heavy xray apron is no joke. Google external fixation if you wanna see what I saw, it's like something out of Saw.

It's nice being home but I kinda am looking forward to going back on Sunday evening (: We're gonna watch a film on someone's laptop when we get back, excited!

huay shan

about... everything!

okay. What's been happening. Hmm exam's over, it went fine actually- i panic too much sometimes but when I do the exam I realise I did study so why the heck was I worrying so much about not being able to do the questions? Like what did I expect, the exams to be about things not in the syllabus? But it's hard ah, when I'm actually studying, I always think that I won't know anything haha.

And moving on to pictures of the holiday. Can i just say I look very ugly cause when you're cold you don't bother trying to be pretty, you just do whatever is necessary to stay warm. In my case Ï consider wrapping myself up like a pig in a blanket necessary.

At the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp, it was FRICKIN FREEZING!!!
still at the camp..
Nyhavn, it's famous for some unfathomable reason, this is in Copenhagen. There are nice restaurants along the street and some vintage looking boats bobbing around but.. zzzz nothing that appeals to me.
Okay I'm really crap at sightseeing- the gate behind is quite famous, I don't know why either. Ya I know you're smacking your forehead now. That bear is mean, he asked for money after taking the picture with us.
This was me in Sachsenhausen. THAT WAS HOW COLD I WAS!!!
There's a story behind this (still in concentration camp, as you can probably tell, it was my favourite part of the whole trip). But to cut things short, this used to be a building where some prisoners were killed, bless their souls.
heh, this was in the king's gardens in Copenhagen.

x x x x

I'm going to Hereford tomorrow! Will be staying there till Thurs. It's gonna be a weekly thing, excited! But obviously people think I'm a loser and am weird for wanting to go. NYEH

I got Taylor Swift's new album and it is AMAZING!!!!

everything's been okay otherwise.. oh yea i've been shopping a lot the past month and I really feel quite petrified by my sudden appetite for dresses, I swear I used to have more self control. But they're so pretty, and they're on sale, owh :( I don't know what it is with girls but we NEED TO SHOP!!!!! :((

okay time to zzzzzzzz.

*hugs*

about the 22ND and other cold adventures

because i lost my camera, because i haven't got the photos off facebook-and because I like writing about what i'm going through before the moment passes- this post is going to be somewhat long winded without any pictures. gotta rely on my writing skills to make this interesting, wish me luck! HA.

So the holiday started off with me watching BLOOD BROTHERS with a couple of uni people in London, it's an excellent musical, it's my second favourite now after Wicked.

Stayed at Hsi Wen's place after that for a couple of days until we went to Copenhagen and then to Berlin:-

Copenhagen

was freezing cold, and I actually kinda found it a bit boring, but we shopped a fair bit and well.. that's always fun! (:

Berlin

was OMG-Iwanttodie-KILLMENOW cold, I do this thing where I am extremely tempted to pretend to faint so that people will carry me/put me in a nice warm/cold room when I am exposed to either biting cold or sweltering heat. And at one point in Berlin, I was, I would say.. one gust of wind away from dropping to my knees in a pretend collapse.

I guess the reason why I found Berlin more interesting was because I'm really into the whole German Nazi business. I blame the movies I've watched(Valkyrie,Schindler's List) and the books I've read (Anne Frank, The Book Thief) haha. So as I walked down the streets and as I listened to the tour guide, the things I saw and heard made sense to me and meant something.

And so, haha.. the thing that intrigued me the most (and Hsi Wen was nice enough to humour me and to go for it even though she was unsure about it at first) was probably the Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp tour.

That was the day I almost "fainted", it was -13 degrees out and I was wearing so many layers I could barely button my coat let alone bend over to put my shoes on bless my soul, and I was wearing leggings and jeans and three pairs of socks but my toes were still frozen, and I had my hood up, wore ear muffs and wrapped my scarf around my face, I looked like a proper hobo.

But I really liked the tour, the tour guide was interesting- we walked along the streets the prisoners had to walk along to get to the camp- and we actually saw the remains of the killing chambers, I don't wanna be too boring about the details- but one of the things the tour guide told us was that in winter, prisoners were made to stand for 15 hours in the freezing cold. That kinda meant something to me cause I was already close to developing frostbite and hypothermia when I was tottering around bundled like a big fat red bean pao, so in a way I could kinda understand how the prisoners must have suffered- a lot of them just dropped dead in the cold. Bless their souls.

Let's fast forward to my birthday- I took my bday off facebook and I highly recommend it, it was so nice cause 90% of the messages/wall posts I received were from people I love dearly and I actually found it sweet when people sent me a message instead of typing me a wall post cause i don't know, the privacy seems to have more intimacy associated with it- but I LOVED THE long, personalised wall posts too (not just happy birthday!- shut your gap and go away) and yeah, it was really sweet of everyone! can i also mention that a certain lala made an adorable voice recording that made me guffaw in the train. HEH

Went to EBF's, and she cooked an amazing lunch- and highlight of my day, cause:

1) I didn't expect it

2) I kinda forgot how retarded they are and

3) It's been years since HELD has been a thing..

Elise brought her laptop into the kitchen with Lina and Deborah's warm friendly faces bobbing around on the computer screen.. best surprise ever(: Besides the very retarded video they also made, their unselfishness and willingness to take the time to make me feel the teensiest bit special was what I loved the most. We've all gone our separate ways in uni, and I know that everyone has their own new friends and that people don't always have time for each other so i don't really expect much from anyone cause i know they're busy. but they found time and it touched me that I still meant something :)

It just makes me realise that I'm so blessed to have friends that are steadfast in their unwavering loyalty to me- chongaberry, my 4 IJ sidekicks, hostel people and Victorians(besides ELD and stella, can i also say that for some reason unknown to me, Liz is fiercely loyal to me(if i may say so myself Liz, i sure hope im not mistaken) and i really appreciate it)- I'm not the most popular of people but it's indescribably relieving to be able to bask in the friendships that I've made and nurtured over the past 22 years of my life on my special day.

I'm emotional. I know.

haha

okay trouble, exam in 3 days.

huayshan