boohoo.

ah.

i'm not going to pretend i'm happy to be out. it hasn't really been affecting me much yet, and i hope that things remain this way. in a way i am prepared to embrace the whole lot of spare time i'm going to have on my hands, i can't remember the last time i went back and the sun was still shining! and of course, one can never have too much time to study. when i came back and saw my position tag- 72, i felt a bitter sense of satisfaction. i'm proud of my position but i know some may think it's not good enough. actually when i think about it, the only thing that hurts me is my damaged ego and of course my dear pals who know how important they are to me during training,yea ms julia-bosola-cardinal? yes it sucks to feel inferior, to be told you're not good enough because you can't run(honestly,*#@#*) haha but i've gotten over my initial annoyance. i'm more sorry for junkia, i think among all of us, he deserves to be in the most. but i'm really enjoying my free-er schedule, and i'm really happy i still get to train when i want to.

i'm downright worried for my studies too. seriously i feel like i'm on holiday now cause i've never been so free and liberated ever since i joined my mad cca. but it just hit me that i have lots to catch up on. but im glad my journey ends here. i really don't know how much more i can take. euniSER, let me know how training goes as time goes by k. dont fret too much bout being behind, of course you can do it. i mean, like duh:)

ah.

i miss my brother pretty much. and he doesn't know it too. sigh. went over to his place last night to get my lit assignment and i felt so peaceful and happy just sitting across him. watching him attack his books fervently. hearing his orders, his snoring in the morning, eating with him. and he has a way of being able to relate to me despite the 6 year gap. in a way i know that he understands what i'm going through and he acknowledges that some issues that my parents find trivial are in reality really important to me. even though he thinks i'm being melodramatic he shuts his gap and nods sympathetically. argh, i'ld really give anything to go back to my childhood days. i'ld appreciate living with him more. i don't think i'll ever get to stay in the same house as him for more than a week for as long as i live. and that's something that really sucks.

anyway.thanks to all those who've been a friend to me. yea even those who come up with weird suggestions like being a goalie huh liz? and a shoutout to lina who's been a total sweetie with my mp3! though i can only play 9 songs. -_- okay. all the best for ct guys, haha frankly i've yet to figure out how i'm gonna keep my scholarship officers off my back but hang in there lah k. takecare.

cny celebrations

so yesterday, we celebrated cny. the celebrations were a waste of time! it was short but i must admit, the performances were great! :) but then again, i got to wear my ij uniform which i miss so much :) and, i got to eat many many oranges and some sponge thing which the junior class bought for us :) sweet! :)

after that, it was off to bugis! cos we decided that town was too crowded for us :) spent time at billy bombers with mu jen zee juliana linus alee and ben. lunch was so much fun! the songs played there were great and it made us all happy :) food was good too! and omg the cookies and cream shake!!!!!!! :) a MUST try! my god! thanks for the great recommendation linus :)

it was off to meet justin sasha and girl for a movie there after. please do not watch epic movie. it sucks and it's real dumb! i felt so stupid after that and i totally wasted my $7.50, which could've been better spent on a billy bombers shake! rahhhh. things you do for a friend! haha. but the company was great :) went off to help girl shop for cny clothes and had coffee at coffee bean :) it's been ages since i've drank coffee bean and it was great! my mocha ice blended plus chilling was superb :) thanks for the company! and i'm so sorry to the ruggers for not turning up due to the heavy rain :( so sorry! i'll make it up to you guys somehow!! :( met so many 4/2 people in town! it was great seeing all of you :) love to you guys and meet up soon! :)

alright, cny is here so it's time to clean up my room and start mugging for the cts :( alright, have a great cny people! take care and love :)

gah

first off. marianne! i don't know what i did but i think you have to sign in to new blogger- with my email, huayshan89@hotmail.com and same password. sorrry i really don't know what i did, im not very computer savvy :(

okay where has huay shan been. hmmmm.

let me ask you something. when someone avoids your gaze, avoids talking to you, blast it; AVOIDS you completely, it means something doesn't it? it means you're SCARED to look at me in the eye, deep inside you're OVERRIDDEN with guilt for what you've done to me and my teammates. i believe in retribution and only hope i can be there the day you get what you deserve. i pity you, for someone with such a character must feel pretty miserable with himself.

on a lighter note. i had one of the boring-est valentines day in my life, but haha i enjoyed it as a day of friendship. honestly ah i treasure the notes i received more than any flower, cookie or chocolate. yes and i went for the medicine talk which really opened my eyes a bit. quite interesting, mmhmm. the med students were prettaye hot too!

running
i used to love running. it made me feel like some wild horse with a full mane of hair, galloping past everybody else, seeing the world around me in a blur.. but now i find my feet rebelling against me. i no longer feel that exhilaration when it comes to overtaking people. i no longer savour the ache in my calfs when i stretch my legs out to run. now i curse and swear and i show a kiam-pah face. i think everyone's feeling it. how i hate everything and everybody who caused this, for destroying me and my teammates.

a lot of venomous words and intentions in this post. i myself am afraid of what goes on in my head sometimes. but seriously. before you condemn me as a spiteful girl, trade places with me for a month or so, and you'll see that i'm already being very mild. not my usual crappy post. sorry guys.

post valentine's

well, valentine's day has come and gone. thank you so much for making it such a wonderful day! got many pleasant surprises and it made me feel good cos it showed that people remembered and cared :) that was really touching! not to mention, sweet too! so thank you so much to those who made it happen :)

had a wonderful date with mu, jen and xp at jen's cousin's house after training :) it was soo wonderful! just eating and chilling was wonderful!! :) i wish we could've more of such sessions cos it has given me the opportunity to get to know you girls so much better and i really enjoyed myself much :) thanks you guys! really made my valentine's :)

so post valentine's has been really sian. no other way to describe it. yesterday the atmosphere was fantastic, but today was back to the dullness. rj cancelled the friendly. was pretty bummed out about it but i guess, it gives us more time to prepare and perfect our skills. oh well. i had fun after school with some ruggers though! doing the silliest of things :) haha! my god! i guess we've all gone mad! and thanks for the ice cream shuj :)

i feel like i'm really lucky to know so many great people and have great friends too :) i feel so blessed :) it's really touching to know that there are people whom you can just talk to and have no reservations with. i like that :) it's great catching up with those whom i haven't spoken to for a long time too! hello bryan :)

alright, the cts are coming up, time to kick start mugging mode. sigh. this sucks. mugging during the cny holidays. but at least we get march off :) i'm gonna get my doughnut factory doughnuts this time!! if i ever catch that asshole who stole my doughnuts from me, watch it!! how could anyone be so inconsiderate!! rah. no point letting that person ruin a perfectly nice night.

ahh! i'm excited about tomorrow! i get to wear my ij uniform again :) :) :) good night all and take care! have a good cny :)

lOlx

hello my dear friends!

i've recently fostered an uncanny interest in the ah lian language, i.e words like lOlxx and wOrxXzz. but after a few attempts to change my sms style, i've concluded that it's too tiring and hence pointless. but it's quite fun, right rui-yi?

thanks to puiyee for training today:)

omg yes i love the photos down there! 4/2 class outing. i was really glad to see that so many people turned up! thanks to meiying for organising it yeah.

hmm, quite a number of my juniors didn't do well enough for their o'levels to stay in vjc. i'm still hoping that they can somehow appeal in, but argh, i hate saying goodbye to potential buddies, and i wish i could somehow make them feel better.

i miss having fun and having a social life. i loved this week. farewell buffet with sarabay(gorging takoyakis with eunice) BONDING on wed(fun captains ball!!!!!), team dinner on monday(THAIPAN!) argh.

somehow i feel like everybody's going through a hard time now. as in life isn't smooth sailing. that's the way it's always gonna be eh? but as i was paddling today i felt really good, cause i was past worrying that i was underperforming. i just focused on giving it everything i got. i ended up with butt blisters, a lobster tan and sore palms but i felt good nonetheless.and exhausted.which is why i overslept JTS. sorry guys. well hang in there everybody. last year in jc, last year in a school, sort of. it's bound to be tough.

my choices of activities during valentines day:
a) go home and sleep after training
b)go out with kayak singles and mourn about our single status and laugh at mushy couples.
c)grab some random guy and go " hey sexy let's date!"
d)go home and study after training

i think i'm leaning towards a) or b). ohwell. i wanna watch adrift. but im broke gah. eating too much lately.

anyway. byebye takecare everybody.

busy/ tragic week

this week has been tragic. i received some shocking and sad news this week. it came very unexpectedly and it has set me thinking. there have been so many of such incidents this past few weeks. it's really sad but yet, it's a fact of life. death comes and is part of life. we just have to accept it. of course, it is difficult and it's a terrible feeling. this is my first time dealing with it, i'm just grateful that i have never experienced a loss of someone close. indeed, life is fragile. it's terrible to know that it takes a passing to make me realise how i should treasure life and the people around me because it could just end like that. it's just one of those sad facts of life. still, life has to go on, and we need to be strong to pull through. but yes, we can do it together. thank you to all who have helped me through this trying period of time, esp belly, jen, stella, shan, chang, and all those who've helped in one way or another. you guys are greatly appreciated! love :)

well, on a lighter note, i met up with my favourite people in ij! it was a blast! it's been a while since we've got the class together and it was awesome :) i really miss the good ol' ij days. it just seems like yesterday since the life changing self awareness camp and the os and prom and all those outings! i really love 4/2 and i miss you guys lots! thanks for sunday :) i really enjoyed myself and it was great catching up! :) love you guys to a tiny million bits! here're some snap shots!






today marked the end of the hectic week. i must say, it was horrible. ah well, heck, at least it's over. now it's time to move on to train and study. important friendly next week. it's time to let out my aggression. haha. trainings have been good. coach has come back and i've learnt quite a bit. looking at the j1s remind me of myself, one year ago, being so timid and afraid. how far we've come as a team :) looking back just makes me swell with pride :) i love the team. all the best for saturday and next thursday! we can do it guys!! speaking of training, the field has been in the worst of conditions! there are a million sandflies and the holes in the field are disgusting! running in the field is like running through mini hills! the holes are shit! they've caused so much injuries and yet, there's nothing we can do about it. seriously, fuck it.

alright, it's been a long day/week. i need to get a good night's rest! i miss it so much :) take care all and have a good weekend :)

talentime!

hello!

it's been ages since i've updated because my weeks have been packed! training, tests, outings and what nots have occupied my days! i swear all the outings have left me broke! heh. well, it's been great nonetheless! :) i'm real glad to have such great friends in school! or it would be terribly unbearable without them! and trainings have been quite fun! the turn out has been good and everyone's been pretty high lately :) that's a good thing! i really enjoy trainings (minus the pt!!)

talentime 2007!

so i went down with the ruggers (: mu jen and zee to be exact but met some others on the way! haha

i had lots of fun with these 3 as we screamed and cheered for sooo many people! linus especially! it was really embarrassing! but heck, it's dark so no one can see (i hope!!) anyway, it was fun just totally letting loose after a whole week of unbearable lessons and test! rahh. what would school be like without them?

and yep, i went down to support my fellow classmates stan and laywang who performed that night! it was awesome! they were awesome :) i'm so honoured to have talented friends!! :) so we made it kind of a class affair and the guys came down to support too! i must say stan's band rocked!! :) and laywang's group was great too! they've got talent!! :)

of course, we went there to suppor linus! haha we screamed so much for him that everyone thought we were mad! linus! you owe us big time ok! haha but it was fun nonetheless screaming our lungs out for him! haha congrats linus! you were really fantastic! :) :)

some of the juniors came down too! it was quite fun :) i like the juniors! they're really sweet and a great bunch of people!! :) i'm glad to see them bond as a class. makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside! heh :) and of course mitch! AH! my cute cute friend :) i love you so much! haha :) rock on girl! i miss spending everyday with you during the orientation period! thanks for helping me :D love you!

hullo

hullo everybody. feel like using this colour eh heh.

okay sorry for the rather sad and suicidal post yesterday. you must understand that everyone has their off-days :) okay today was reasonably good, i felt better after cca and i hope things keep going this way. ah,well.

random. but i feel like lately i've been a very irritating person to be with. i've been whining and grumbling about my cca, my tutorials, and well, practically anything there is to grumble about. also i think i've been rather swollen headed and annoying over the photoshoot thing.sorry guys if i've gotten on any of your nerves. i'm passing thru my pms phase soon. next week onwards, huay shan will be back to normal. she will shoo her classmates to lessons and sleep during lectures. haha. btw, any s33 ppl reading this- JTS is next sat. confirmed alr, no changes yeah.

HELLO, STELLA <3>
let's talk about classes. hmmph. i've been fortunate enough to be in classes that house only one scholar-me! ah i simply love being the only scholar around. ooh, let's talk about being a scholar. i bet you all are scratching the lice (KIDDING!) off your heads wondering what it's like. ooh lala let me enlighten you all. first off, you immediately become labeled as SMART. if you sleep in lessons, everyone's mind goes-wah piang she study until so late then so tired. although many believe that having no parents around is a blessing, THINK AGAIN. i've given up on cooking after poisoning myself a million times so i have to succumb to hostel food sigh which is, for your information, gross. and there's a constant war between me and my roommate over the toilet,esp when it comes to answering VERY URGENT calls from nature. cause, you see, the second person to enter the toilet gets the benefit of well, enjoying the ambience created by the previous occupant's stuff. but usually i win. heh cause sometimes i hide the toilet paper so when my roommate runs out to look for it, i sprint in and lock the door. ah, being a scholar isn't easy. you have to have survival instincts, my friends.

that's all for today. see you around!

aint too good.

huay shan ain't feeling too good today.

1) she looked like a cross-over between marshmallow man's wife and goofy from looney tunes during the photo-shoot. fellow friends, please do not wince when the photos are flashed. can u just bluff me and say, wow, you looked great?
2)she's getting pissed off cause tutorials and notes just keep popping out of freaking nowhere.
3)her fitness is going down the drain.
4)she feels confused between her priorities.
5)she regrets some of the decisions she made last year.
6)she can't understand why she is forcing herself to go through things that make her so unhappy at night and disappointed with herself.

i'm usually quite a level-headed person, and it's scary now cause i'm direction-less and i don't know what to do with myself. i've learnt a lesson from the whole kayak-odac fiasco. i chose kayak cause i thought it was, well, cooler and had a more prominent image. yea, it's cool having muscles, a pair of fast legs and a tan, but ultimately it's my happiness that counts. odac made me happy. so now i'm confused. medicine's cool. but will it make me happy? at least kayak will stop by the end of this year. my career choice is my life. oh dear. now i'm some aimless lost soul.

see my earlier prediction was right. life can't be aiyaiyai happy all the time. sorry fellow friends, huay shan's in no mood to tell u about her crazy life tonight.