about ANGRYY

Does the whole world make you angry sometimes?

YA im pissed off to the max now. I have anger issues I think. I'm pissed with a lot of my friends here and omg I feel like I've made such CRAP friends here, I only truly truly truly like a few. I feel like strangling the rest now, people just get SO SO selfish, maybe it's just a Medicine or English thing, or maybe it's both so I get the worst of the worst, but I'm so sick of everyone being SELFISH SELFISH wah, gonna get chest pain again. I swear I'm gonna be hypertensive in my old age. I'll probably also eventually get a heart attack because of prolonged hypertension thickening my arteries. NYAHH!!!

study. UGH.

huay shan

about HELLOOO

HII anyone still out there?? haha

Oficially finished my placement at Hereford- i felt really sad about leaving- i loved my placement and i have no regrets about applying to be there- and again...... yet AGAIN im gonna miss some of the people there. Do you wanna hear about them? I have nothing else to talk about anyway. Why not. haha i sure hope none of them see this, i doubt they ever will so in order of my favourite people:

1) Shaan- I liked him from the minute we started talking on the train, we get on well, he is amazingly clever but is very nice and modest about it and he makes me laugh. I will miss knocking on his door and sending him stupid messages on whatsapp.

2) Fatima- My favourite girlie there, she's just as much of a bimbo as i am and we get along verrrrry well. only got to know her better later but i think i'll prob see lots of her even though we're no longer in Hereford. It's just easier with girls cause it's a bit weird with guys isn't it? i will miss gossiping with her in my room and harrassing nikesh with her.

3) Nikesh- My new favourite person. used to hang out with him with shaan and fatima but didnt spend much time alone with him but we were the only two in hereford on saturday so we went on the wards together and went out for lunch in town after and he is such a nice guy, funny and such a mummy's boy and cute too heh. I will miss hearing him yell HOI at me whenever he sees me haha.

4) Laura- Heard horrible things about her before i came but all lies, all rumours, she's the loveliest person ever and i absolutely adore her. She's amazingly unselfish and helpful when it comes to work and i really enjoyed partnering her and hunting down patients to examine. Last monday we went on a "murmur hunt"and we just went to all the ward flipping through all the notes looking for murmurs it was HILARIOUS. i will miss seeing her waggle her tendon hammer in my face and nudging her during teaching sessions.

I HATE MISSING PEOPLE! I HATE CHANGE!!!

on another note- one thing that has been bugging me- i had a lecture on electives and one of the things they seemed to be emphasising on was that it was very important that we choose to do something we're interested in.. and it got me thinking abt whether i wanted to be in sg because i was interested in it or cause i think it's what's best for me- and truth is i really wanna do something in an underdeveloped country, it's just one of those things i wanna do before i get too old/die. but i know my parents wont be too pleased and it really saddened me for a bit but.... i think if i come up with a decent proposal and choose a relatively safe country(Africa is way out of question i will go there someday when im older, PROMISE!) it should be fine. i've decided that i want to do my elective on Obstetrics and Gynaecology :))

and ive got exams over the next 2 weeks. okay bye!!

huayshan

about my exam, SAD FACE.

i didn't really feel like it went excellent, i knew i had gotten a couple of questions wrong the minute i stepped outside and it really frustrated me cause i worked so hard, it always seems like no matter how much effort i put in i end up feeling like shite :( but i think i'm overreacting, to be very honest im pretty sure i passed but it's just that i hate that i didnt do as well as i wanted to and it just bugs me cause i dont feel entirely confident about doing very well. okay rant over.

i need to do work but im so tired.. and lazy. i need a break. can i take a day off please? pleasee..?

huayshan

about my very sad life.

today it just hit me that i lead a very very very sad life. people must look at me and go- damn that girl is sad. thank the heavens i'm not her. i have an exam tomorrow, im so tired but i have a lot to read up on, reckon im just gonna zz. nyeh. And i'm going back to Hereford tomorrow evening because I have another exam in 10 days and i need 4 cases for this exam- i had all my cases but GUESS WHAT, i didnt take the patient ID numbers down so it means that I have to look for new cases. Perfect. I dont mind going back, some others are working there over the weekend but I just feel so embarrassed I'm going to be extremely humiliated if i meet any doctors i know on the wards. They'ld be like what the HECK are u doing here on a sat?? and ild be like uh... looking for my cases? and they'ld be like:
1)you lazy last-minute worker, and
2)omg you must have no life.

I want to kill myself. What have I become..? On a happier note I was so ?!! today about this whole situation(not down per se, more alarmed about what my existence is amounting to) and I really really needed to hear my mother's voice and it's just lovely calling her cause I know she'll say what i need to hear and give me all the support i need. She told me not to be embarrassed and to do what i think is best. And you know what? I'm a worrywart so even though i can probs get my cases on monday i wanna do it on sat cause I dont like sitting around anxiously!! I'm gonna be good and go in and get work done. Then in a month I'll be enjoying life and patting myself on the back for being good. Nice.

Please enjoy your lives for my sake.

huayshan

About .....

i'm here cause I'm bored and a tad.. fine PLENTY distracted. Meant to do lots and lots of work today but i'm bored as i said and i thought some verbal diarrhoea may help me clear my mind and make me go back to work!

The one thing I like about March is that the sun starts coming back and days start looking like days again. It gets dark at 6.30pm instead of 4pm zzz and i dont get as wet/cold/angry. It also means my summer break is coming so yeah, all in all besides the pressure from exams, it's a pretty good time i would say (:

i've got 5 weeks to enjoy when i go back-and then i'll be moving on to 4th year and that is SUPER FAST! i dont feel like im a 22 year old, i still feel like a teenager with all my giggly childish retarded ways- and sometime i wonder when i'll start feeling like a grown up. thinking about my future is scary, everything is so uncertain and there's so much i want that i've not achieved yet.

you know what i miss? i miss the 16 year old version of me, i think i've changed a lot a lot and even though it's for the better i miss being immature and irresponsible, it's darned tiring being good all the time. it's also tiring constantly reminding myself that if i'm lazy my future will be MESSED UP.

i've also become less tolerant as i age- i cant be bothered to be nice to people i dont like anymore and i'm becoming less of a people pleaser as well. And i used to think i was the prettiest thing on earth back when i was a teenager but now i avoid mirrors in restrooms cause they make me want to cry. (haha)

i guess that sums up my existence. (im)mature and mirrorphobic.

till next thurs!!

huayshan

about my absence!!!!!

omg i've been away for awhile, anyway exams are coming up and i'm struggling to spend every minute studying :( but i took a break today cause liz and peiying came up to see me from friday night till sat and i really enjoyed it, it was so nice having two people i love in the same place at the same time, just the break i needed. why am i so lucky??

I've been shopping a lot recently but its the only fun i get so let me have it ok??? (:

i dont really have much else going on- just that im really excited about coming home soon- 7th may- and that i really wanna get through 3rd year. wish me luck!

huayshan

About naps.

I've been taking SO SO many naps recently. See I've become less keen in hospitals cause I've come to the conclusion that nothing beats pure hardcore studying if you want to build up on your knowledge. It's fun to run around with the doctors but if you really want to learn something you have to sit your ass down and STUDY.

So I go straight back after all the teaching is done and I think ah, just a tiny nap won't do any harm! and then i wake up 2 hours later, panic, stuff my face with garlic bread and tomato soup(NICE!!!) and run to the library and study frantically. First 2 hours are very productive but I get lazy again after, :(

Exams are drawing near and they're not doing any good to my blood pressure. I LITERALLY measured my own blood pressure today and it's slightly elevated. I've been sooo tired this week, and i've had about 5 panic attacks. Apparently at some point in 3rd year you will feel like killing yourself, I think my time has come.

But bright side is i'm not ENTIRELY behind i dont think.. today was my last day at my GP placement and we had to do this feedback form thing where the GP sits us down one by one and talks to us about our progress. The details are boring but essentially he made me feel really good about myself and inspired me to work on my flaws. I really respect this GP, he's helped me out so much and he always manages to point out my flaws without making me feel bad about myself.

My whole life is school.. my whole life is work. It's dull.. I know. :(

Okay... got to plough through some work whilst being half asleep. Ta!!

huay shan