you alright there?

started lessons today. i got lost almost immediately. haha lectures were alright but the anatomy stuff got me confused and the tutor went so quick and ANGMOHS are super kiasu and smart leh!!!! hahhaha. we were learning anatomy vocabulary today. what anterior posterior ipselateral circumduction etcetcetc. i know it roughly now cause i read the anatomy textbook but wahlauway damn difficult i swear. first day and i've got tons of work already. ok not tons la but quite a stack. grrrrrrrr...

my school life is very odd. i don't go to school with anyone one. i have breakfast with some sporeans, then head off to school alone. cause my flatmate cycles and everybody else leaves at different times. so when i go into lectures(alone) i usually bump into someone random i know halfway and sit with them. i'm so cool right. hahaha then today i made friends with random people and hung out with them. had lunch with one brit girl and went to the bookstore with another. i miss the security of having friends but somehow this arrangement doesn't displease me either. i usually end up within the same group of people but it's fun moving around and bumping into random new people. haha. but i sure need a core group of friends soon. okay that's all from meeeee. tomorrow i'm joining the running club!!!! (shit will i die in the cold...)

huay shan!

One Step At A Time

Things have certainly changed. I'm learning to cope and adapt every single day. Sometimes, it's difficult. I want to feel happy, I really do. But at times, I just can't. I can't explain why. I always blame myself for various reasons. I'm trying here, I really am. This is all new to me. I know you've been patient and understanding. Sometimes, I doubt the outcome. I want things to turn out well, I really do. I'm really trying my best. I just hope it's good enough. I feel that things are improving. Though I'm disappointed that time isn't on our side, I'm getting a bit more optimistic that things will turn out well. After all, I made the decision and I will stick with it, no matter how tough things get. I feel that things are getting better. I'm learning to be more honest and to open up a bit more, even though it's difficult sometimes. After all, the things we go through are completely different but I'm learning. I'm glad we do have fun and it's good to know that you've got my back. Sometimes, these are my personal obstacles that only I can overcome and I will overcome them, one step at a time. I feel we're getting there. So let's hope that things stay this way. I will live up to my word. Honesty and opening up. Yes, I will.
I guess nobody will really understand this but I just needed some form of outlet.
This week seems promising, 3 rest days! I will make the most of it. No more procrastination or slacking. I will start taking my work more seriously and manage my time better. It's time to turn on the studying gear. I need to get my act together pronto. Work and rugby. Oh yes.
Missing so many people still and the disappointment of tonight still remains. Sigh. Let's hope Ferrari will have better luck next time and not give such fucked up performances.
Have a good week ahead.

xoxo,
MAR

more about me

okay i'm sorry the photos are in random order i'm not very good at this haha. anyhows, i've been sleepy a lot lately so hardly felt like updating. so hereee goes. above: my medical school, which i love. it's beautiful and picturesque and i love it.

after much reluctance i decided to force myself to go for the hop. some medic fresher event. it's pretty cool, basically you go clubbing and freshers wear a shirt on which we write our name, our country of birth, our course and where we're staying. so we go around and stare at people's chests and go oh hello! hahaha. it was fun. i stuck with a bunch of international students so i felt good. the songs were really nice too.seniors came in fancy dress btw.
when i saw the joker i pulled his sleeve and waved my camera. must take photo lor!!
girl in the middle is my flatmate, a medic too. she's half pakistani half british and she's one of the people i like most so far. extreme left is a girl from hongkong. she's nice but i'm not very close to her.

taken during some irish dancing night which was bloody fun. one of the funner things i've done this week. it's basically hyperactive dancing and then you keep getting new partners. i just realised i look damn ugly in all the pics. ohwell. hahaahaha

so how's life. it's getting better. i love the food here actually. haha dinners like broccoli or cauliflower with pie or chicken or turkey i don't know i like it=) and i'm actually feeling really down now. cause i felt really lonely today. there're always people around me that i can hang out with but i feel like i don't have SOMEONE to count on. someone that can understand me,you know? and i feel ugh-ish too cause i keep sticking to asians, can't bring myself to mix with the locals. but i signed up for badminton and running today, i think i'll make more friends that way. ohwell, let's hope it gets better!

on a side note, i got my schedule today and it's awesome. i'm meeting patients next thursday leh!!! hahhaha and this brit i shared a cab with(random) is in my tutorial group and he's quite nice=) okok done.

lovelovelove,

shan.

my new life

i'm in birmingham!! and i have so much to tell. but let me show you my room first. meant to take pics of the campus but i'll do that tomorrow. so here goesss...


the outside corridor. where my four flatmates are. i have an awesome lounge/kitchen next door i show you all next time! the two doors on the right are toilets btw. =)

okay now for the more important details. WHATS IT LIKE.

the flight sucked. that's for sure. i hate flying. officially.

i took the airport pick-up service and it went awesome. talked to a few malaysians, got along VERY well. and some international students came over to talk to me and they were friendly, no discrimination AT ALL. i was happy then. then when i first arrived at the hostel, the seniors literally carried my bags all over the place. they were delightful and friendly and awesome.

my room's gorgeous. spacey and private. and i've met three out of four of my housemates. two brits, one french. all very friendly. i love one brit(medic also!) and the french. we were walking to the bar for some talk then there was supposed to be drinks and all after the talk but i felt bloody awkward lah. the two of them asked if i wanted to go back and i was like YES!(cause im freaking sleepy. flight 18 hrs including transit) and they then told me that they weren't very comfortable with drinking.

in all, i love the campus, i love being here. i'm glad for my flatmates. BUT.. here's the big but. i feel different. the culture shock is settling in haha. hopefully when the other singaporeans/malaysians come along it'll get better. the brits are funny people but i can't converse fluently with them most of the time and i'm bloody scared of joining all their events. my plan-study hard and pick up friends along the way. i shall avoid the crazy partying. true, a part of me wants to be a part of that but let's face it i'm an outsider. but i'm going to slowly fit in and in time, i'll have my share of fun. so it's a bittersweet experience. looking forward to getting to know my flatmates better though=) miss singapore so so much. i miss being part of the fun people=) i'm not cool here lor. hahahahhaa.

lots of love,shan.

UGH!

Sometimes, I wonder whether I'm making the correct decision. I hate the feeling that I'm becoming the person I didn't want to be when it comes to such matters. I'm trying very hard to be independent and I believe I will succeed. But sometimes, when I saw the photos, a totally different feeling came up inside of me. It ate me up inside and I felt frustrated and sad. Sometimes I wonder whether I mean enough, whether I'm actually worth the time and effort. I know I shouldn't have such doubts but I can't help it. It's annoying that I actually have such thoughts in the first place. Oh well, I made the decision so I have to stick with it and not look back. It's so hard but maybe I am over thinking things. I should just take it easy and just go for it? I don't know. This is so frustrating and the most frustrating part of it all is myself. UGH!
Hell week is coming to an end (finally). It's been a long and draining journey. I am sick and tired of everything and I need a good break. I hope things get settled asap because I can't stand the uncertainty of it all. I just hope things take a turn for the better. It's not good that I'm getting frustrated at such an early stage but like what a friend once said: sometimes you have to go through shit first to know what's good. I sure hope his saying is true.
Sorry for the rant. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. I really, truly need a good break. Maybe I really am too committed for my own good. Oh well, I've made them already so no point looking back now and regretting.
Alright, time to head out yet again. GGXXYYZZ11223344!

xoxo,
MAR

Long Road To Ruin

The past few days have seemed very very long. My body is currently exhausted and my mind is not functioning at all. Presentations, personal issues and rugby has taken up most of my time. I'm glad my presentations went well and they are now over. Contact season has drawn to a close. I feel that I've grown a lot as a player and I really cherish this experience. I look forward to improving further and playing again next season if possible! It's really been a roller coaster ride but it's been a good one overall, despite what the results may say.
Time passes so fast that next week is gonna be my first mid term. I'm scared as fuck cos I have been neglecting my studies due to other commitments. I hope that I can really pull up my socks and just do my best. I have to start focusing more on my studies. Guess I just have to manage my time properly and things should get better.
Sunday is coming nearer, I'm slowly starting to feel the loss. Even though it'll only be a few months of separation, I still can't imagine life without Jen. It's been tough enough without the rest. With Jen joining them, it's just gonna get worse.
It's been a long past few days, so many things have happened. I hope I've made the right decision. I know there's no turning back, there never was in the first place? I should be happy but somehow, I'm just too tired. Maybe the feeling will hit me soon, it better. But I'm definitely touched by certain small sweet things that shows care and concern (: Let's hope things turn out for the better. Thanks for being by my side the whole time. We'll make things work.
And lastly, thanks to all who've stood by me this whole tough period, it's soon coming to an end! I really appreciate all you guys have done and I wouldn't have survived without you guys! You know who you are (:

xoxo,
MAR

just for entertainment

got an interesting package from the university today. let me share.

1) they emphasize that i cannot skip lectures/lessons on my own whim and fancy. i have to provide a valid reason.

my first reaction: DAMN......................

2) if i want to get married i have only a day off, and that includes my honeymoon.

my first reaction: wahlau damn sad. ok this prob is more relevant to the graduate entry students but man is this funny!!

3) birmingham ppl don't undertake dissections

my first reaction: WAIL!!!

4) my holidays get severely shortened as the years go by

my first reaction: I'm so coming back even during the 2 week breaks.

5)birmingham ppl are assigned patients from very early in the first term of the first year.

my first reaction: WHAT! i can barely talk to my schoolmates then you want me to talk to strangers???

my second reaction: ok stop being childish this is what you signed up for. uh-hum. i shall try my best. *beams*

ehehehhehe. isn't no.2 the funniest?

huayshan.

as the day draws neaRER

i get scaredER. haha i wish i could be at elises now. i would be early and i would give her a hug and bully her scary cat. and then proceed to eat her food.

this coming fri!!! let's see. 6 more days. I keep thinking of new things to bring haha. im bringing hangers now cause i just realised i have this compartment that can be used to slot hangers without taking up much space! and my huge luggage isn't really a trolley bag you kinda have to pull it differently and i was practicing pulling it and i wound up with bruised toes. piece of shit. sure make a fool of myself in the airport one. then i'm NERVOUS NERVOUS. NERVOUS!!!! nervous. NERVOUS. i don't want to go i rather go back to singapore and stay within my comfort zone oh dear lord. please let it not be as bad as i'm making it out to be. thank you. brrrrrrrr.

i need a table lamp. Man! another thing to add to my list.

huayshan

Those Were The Days

Looking back at the old photos brings tears to my eyes. I can't believe my 2 years in NJ has flown past just like that. I miss my team, study buddies and pals. There isn't a day that I don't think about NJ. The times where we slogged it out together on the field and in the classroom. I felt so secure, so happy. Now, I just feel so alone. Sure I have my friends but it's just not the same. Sometimes, the culture scares me. I feel that I have so much to do and so little time. I'm worried that I am over committed. Yet, I enjoy all the other activities I have going on and I would wanna continue doing them even if it kills me. I don't know what to do anymore. There's just so many things and I'm taking things as they come. I'm wondering if I'm approaching things with the right attitude. I always believe that you aren't given more than you can handle. Recently, my belief has been shaken. I don't know anymore. I keep telling myself this and I just hope it holds true, at least for the coming week. I really need all the energy I have to survive. Next week is certainly going to be hell week. I just pray I survive. As next Sunday draws near, I can't imagine what life will be without Jen. Sure, it's only a few months and I have other friends but the feeling's just different. Everyone's going off to greener pastures. Sometimes I still doubt my decision about staying local but it's too late to turn back now. I keep telling myself that I've made a decision so I should just make the most of it and move on. But it's not easy, not at all. I'm not exactly having the time of my life right now. Trainings have been fun but tiring (2 pts this week is enough to kill. I'd be lucky if I can walk properly tomorrow). School's been as usual, a bitch with so much work and presentations to do. I need a break, a day where I can really sleep in and just recover. Sadly, that day doesn't seem to exist in my life right now. I'm looking forward to that drink and to the breakfast in bed. I really need them. Thank you two so much, you're greatly appreciated (: I will hang in there. Oh yes I will, let's just hope the weather holds up next Wednesday! I am all geared up and ready to go. Let's just get this over and done with.

Don't mind me, I just need to sort out my thoughts. I'm glad for all my friends and family, what would I do without you guys? Thanks for your support, care and concern. All my love <3

xoxo,
MAR

(:

Team Polly Pocket (:

I had the most tiring touch training today.
We were made to do pt to train our passes, communication, focus and drive. Even so, I felt it was one of the better trainings! A lot of people turned up today plus I'm getting used to this team and the people are very fun to play with (: It made training much less tiring and it put a smile on my face (: It's the little things like this which makes your day (:
To add on, I came home to a nice bowl of home cooked bee hoon and krispy kreme all the way from down under, which my daddy specially picked up from my aunt and uncle who just arrived! I feel the love and I'm so touched that my parents left me food (probably cos my mum was tired of me stealing her lunch) plus my aunt and uncle drove all the way down to buy krispy kreme cos the shop's really far from their new house and they remembered!! (: I love my family!
And lunch was amazing! Spent it eating awesome ayam penyet plus mango sago with pomelo! Thanks for the great recommendation Chang and I had an awesome time spent with you eating, chatting and 'shopping'. HAHA. I miss times like these! Must meet up more often!
All in all, today was a good day. I had great company, good food and a good training session, what more could I ask for? And I have a good friend who seems awfully concerned about me. It's sweet(: I am touched! I miss all the overseas people though, hang in there! December is coming!
Alright, time to hit the books and hopefully, the sack as well.

xoxo,
MAR

shorpeeng

i am blogging an awful lot more than i expected to heh but ohwell! anyhow mother ended work at 5 ytd, we went home to clean up, reached shopping centre at 6, went to collect he laptop, and ate dinner and started shopping at 8. yes im not joking. and the shops close at 930 so u can imagine how panicked i was. my eyes were round and bulged and panicked cause seriously there are a bambizillion shops in midvalley. i was salivating too but damn sad couldn't slowly explore. anyhow.

went to buy a camera and i ended up with this black panasonic lumix camera. it's not that awesome but it can take pics and upload pics so yeah i'm good. camera,check! next up i went to skin food to look at eyeliner and mascara. it was 30+ ringgit and that was ex to me so i went all boggle eyed and gave the very unfriendly salesperson this damn unglam huh? look. sian. then suddenly la senza popped out behind skin food. i almost fainted and went down on my knees to thank Guan Yin for blessing me with good lingerie. i bounced and told my mom i loved la senza lingerie though things were a tad more ex, but she insisted we go in anyhow(my mom hates walking too much esp in a maze like megamall. scared that ancient monster in the maze(whatzisname) will find her and eat her.) and la senza in msia just began the sale that i saw in spore a couple weeks back. so i went mad and bought 6 bras. which are divine. they have awesome straps, colours and the back part is lacey and real pretty. so i can wear them if i'm wearing a bare-backed top or dress! lingerie for top half of body,check!then i went to jaya jusco and bought ten pairs of cheapo underwear. they look cute though haha.

then finally found a sinma(malaysia also got sinma lor!) and bought some hairclips and hairbands. little bit only lah that one. then we happened to walk into this makeup shop called SHINS. eyeliner and mascara cost 50 and 68 ringgit respectively. my eyes went OOOO again but my mom wanted me to get the stuff cause apparently they're alcohol-free. hm. and the salesperson was verrrry nice. liquid eyeliner and mascara,check! so that ended my crazy shopping spree. all within 1.5 hours okay!! i pro right. i was panicking all the way though. i actually saw pajama pants at F.O.S for RM33.90, cheap not? i wanted but didnt need them and i had already spent so much of my mom's money so i decided not to be so greedy.haha.

sadly when i tried to put on the mascara and eyeliner i almost died. so DIFFICULT! the eyeliner keeps brushing against my eyelashes. and i almost poked myself to blindness with the mascara wand. shit i have to google this. i better master the skill soon. help??!!

i know u've never heard me say this but haha. i kinda realised that i'm proud to be malaysian. don't get insulted or anything but on our way back we passed by this old malay man struggling to cross the road, and my mom and i decided to stop the car and check on him. we went over and by the time we got there, a few other people were already there trying to comfort him. all sorts of ppl, malays, indians and some chinese. one indian lady was a doctor and she spoke to him in a very confident and reassuring manner that i really admire and hope to adopt someday. anyhow we all were looking at each other and discussing what we should do. sadly the old man was really grumpy and he said something like, lebih baik saya mati,saya tak mahu pertolongan mereka! (i rather die than get their help) eventually he got into a car(no idea whose) so the small crowd dispersed. i just feel like malaysians are really warm and kampung-ish people and everyone's just so open and friendly and helpful. haha.

went to dentist today and he says i have to pull out my wisdom tooth. i objected violently so he backed down but AH i dowan lah very painful leh!! but good thing is i'll lose weight. aiya how?

okay that's long enough for one day. i have a darn sore throat now. missing sg, but loving the homey and heartlandish feeling i have when i'm in msia(: takecare!

(elise i wish i could go this sat.. *big huay shan hug*)

huay shan

greetings!

from above! haha like literally since malaysia is above singapore on the world map. anyhow hello, i'm very bored now but haha well enjoying spending time with my mother. We're going shopping this sunday after she knocks off work at 5. midvalley megamall. walk until your toenails fall off seriously. want to know my shopping list???

1)camera
2)eyeliner and mascara
3)lingerie for the top half of mebody (snigger)
4)socks(giant in msia sells socks for 99 malaysian cents!)
5)a dress!(dunno got time or not this one....)
6)locks to lock my baggage

aiyak can't remember the rest. must check my notebook. anyhow.

then i've been eating like a cow over here help me food is really really cheap and good. and i see food all over the place. i feel like eating a personal pan pizza after this. from pizza hut, and costs only 10 ringgit! cheap or not i ask you?! shits. i like to lift my shirt up in front of the window and look at my stomach. i do it at least 5 times a day. aiks, i mean in front of the mirror i'm not a flasher thank you, my bod not that hot. my waistline is slowly disintergrating before my very eyes. damn sad. shit la and i feel so hungry now some more! RAH. okay anyhow i just came on for awhile. can't wait for my shopping on sunday!!!mummy will pay and i always have a good time shopping with her. msian shops=awesomeness. odd brands with awesome stuff. =)

okay byebye!!!!!

huay shan

Just One Of Those Days

These few days have been passing by fast and slow at the same time. I know it's contradictory but it makes sense, to me at least.
School's alright. Work has been slowly piling up and I'm really trying my best to complete whatever I have. I feel as though I lack drive and focus in my work. I just don't feel like doing anything related to school at all. I'm just feeling so sick of it all and it's only week 3. It's not that school is bad or anything, but I just don't have any mood for it at all. I'm probably not making sense but it's difficult to put my emotions into words. Sure I have good friends around but there just seems to be something missing. I still haven't put a finger to that something but it's bothering me a great deal.
I miss all my buddies, terribly. School still sucks without you guys. It's not easy to find people who'd have ABBA hour, play ball after school, go do random things and play haunted house. Oh well, I'll get back. I guess I just need time to get used to everything. Hopefully I do so quickly!
Alright, don't mind me. It's just one of those days, which seem to be happening more often now. Maybe I really could use the company at 3am. Hmmmm

Friend Withdrawal Symptoms

Yes, I'm currently having friend withdrawal symptoms. I really miss everyone. As I mentioned before, it's not that my current life is bad, it's just that I miss seeing the same few people everyday. Please come back soon! I miss all the random and fun things we used to do together! And it's weird not going to school with you guys and strangely lonely as well. I think uni life is somehow lonely. Oh well, don't mind me. I'm just missing lots of people so yes, please talk to me and come back soon! <3